Time flies...even when you're not having fun!

This is something my mom used to say all the time that I do have to say I agree with, that and her whole, "I see the light at the end of the tunnel, and it's not that of an oncoming train!" Not quite to THAT point yet but it's getting there. This last week, oddly enough, went by pretty quick and now we're about two weeks to John's birthday which is when he next gets paid and when we plan to REALLY get the plane tickets. I just haven't felt comfortable getting them sooner than that when money just hasn't been quite as lucrative as I thought. But we'll be there soon and in the meantime, I have time to get ready to go.

It's New Year's Eve and this is normally the time I sit down and pore over all of my old journals and relive past New Year's Eves. I have too many of them now though including THREE online journals. So that tradition has sort of gone out the window. It's kind of odd though to think that for John, it's already the New Year. Here we are about three hours to midnight and the New Year and it's been the New Year for him for over 12 hours now. Just boggles my mind sometimes.

My younger sister is still in the hospital and will be until the baby is born. They are hoping that it will be AT term. She's not due though until March 24th. That's a LONG time to be in the hospital. Her husband plans to rent her a laptop and get her internet over at the hospital so that she doesn't go too insane with cabin fever. Otherwise, not much going on there other than that they are watching her very closely and running a bunch of tests to find out what exactly is going on.

Here, we're all just sort of vegging and waiting for midnight. Natalie got a nap earlier, so she'll be up because in La Crosse, they do fireworks on the bluffs and one of the stations tapes it so we can turn that on at midnight for the kids to watch (or kid, if the other two crash before then). Natalie LOVES fireworks so this will definitely be up her alley.

I will say, other than at the end when John left, 2008 wasn't too bad of a year; 2009 though, should prove to be very interesting once Natalie and I get overseas.

A not so good update on my sister...

Just got a call from her. She's in the hospital. Her ultrasound yesterday (she's been getting ultrasounds every week since she was at 24 weeks) showed flow restriction in the umbilical cord so they have her on bed rest now there, on heart monitors. She's getting steroid shots to mature baby's lungs and they're running all kinds of tests on her. She's 28 weeks today. She lost Emmah at 28 weeks and four days. They are not taking any chances with her. So yeah, some pretty scary stuff going on and any prayers for her and the baby right now would really be appreciated. Her kids don't know yet. They've been on vacation with their grandparents for the last week or so. They went to Disney World. Since Vannessa's been restricted as far as travel (for this very reason), she wasn't able to go.

At this point, I'm not even sure what to do as far as leaving. I mean, with finances and the value of a dollar and all that, I wasn't looking to go until John got paid again which would be the 15th of January (he got paid before his break but it just wasn't enough with the dollar's value being so low right now). We could get plane tickets now with what we had but it would leave us with very little money if anything were to go wrong. Now, I'm not sure what to do. For sure, I won't be leaving until after January 15th, I just don't know when but at least by then, she'll be over 30 weeks and the baby will have a better chance of making it.

So that's what's going on at the moment, more updates as I learn of them.

Well, this was kind of an interesting week...

To start with, I'm in Wisconsin and the weather here is CRAZY. I mean, you never know what's going to happen, it could be anything really. So, on Sunday, we had this big drop in temperature. It got up to around 50 degrees (which is pretty warm for December) and then DROPPED to around 0 that night. The next day, when my BIL was getting ready to leave to pick up gas (because we were out of propane gas yet again), he found the baby donkey my older sister had gotten down and almost unconscious from hypothermia. He was close to death. So, my BIL brought him into the house to get him warmed up because there really was no other place to put him. There was a little bit of a shelter outside but nothing with any heat in it except for the house. So, there was a donkey in the kitchen which was pretty interesting. We didn't think he would make it but my sister and her husband finally got him warmed up and he seemed to be fine.

Tuesday, my friend came and picked me up and brought me to town. Natalie stayed with her aunt since the weather was getting kind of bad and it would give Natalie a chance to have an overnight before we left as I highly doubt Natalie will have an overnight while we're in Korea (I just don't quite see that happening). The weather wasn't great as it was snowing (making up for all the snow that melted on Sunday) and with country back roads, the driving was not fun but we got into town and got a few things done. We also had a chance to go out and eat and that was very nice and do some shopping before heading back, throwing a pumpkin pie in the oven and watching Pippi Longstocking (an old childhood favorite of mine). I spent the night at my friend's and the next day was better weather-wise, clear and not too cold so we took care of more errands and then later that day, she took me home and I got back here later in the evening. The donkey was fine. He had his own little enclosed area in the kitchen (yes, he was still in the kitchen) and he had some hay and it looked like he was going to be just fine.

Thursday was spent kind of chilling out and things were okay with the donkey though he wasn't getting up as much but he seemed fine, was alert and all that and so no one thought of trying to get him up more or anything as we all just figured he needed some rest after his ordeal and being in the house where there is a lot of activity going on and stuff. My sister was back at work so she wasn't there to really see what was going on but again, he looked like he was just fine. Later that night, we started getting snow again. Another friend of mine was going to try and pick me up for the weekend but her cell phone battery died and she wasn't able to find the place (we're REALLY far out in the country here) so she had to go back home without picking us up.

Today, the donkey took a huge turn for the worse. He wasn't getting up, he wasn't eating or drinking, just laying in his "pen". At one point, I walked into the kitchen and he had his head up on his shoulder in a really funny way. A couple of hours later, he was gone. My sister was called home from work and she got back pretty much just in time for him to die. He wouldn't get up or anything and his breathing was very funny too. No idea what really happened though but there's been quite a few livestock deaths this week due to the goofy weather on Sunday. I guess animals can't handle that kind of drastic temperature change. It's amazing we humans do but I suppose it's because we're not outside as much and can just adjust the inside temperature accordingly.

So that's been my week here. It was kind of a goofy one, that's for sure. Next week is the big week holiday wise of course and although John and I really don't do the whole Christmas thing anymore, my family does so Natalie and I are kind of getting dragged over for the whole Christmas dinner affair and all that. My older sister seems to think that this would be the PERFECT time for Natalie to have her birthday party. John isn't so thrilled by the idea. I'm waiting on him to let me know whether he gets paid early or not so that I have somewhat of an idea as to when we'll be going to Korea. I'm also trying to figure out what all I have to do still. I'm really starting to think I may ship some things over there instead of packing it in the suitcase and taking it with. I think the shipping might be cheaper. Can't hurt to find out anyway. My plan is to look for space saver bags and see what I can do as far as putting clothes and things in there and then shipping it. I suppose it would make things lighter too which would help and that way, I don't have to worry so much about shipping costs but I don't think it would work for travelling with the way air travel and security is these days. It kind of bites but it is what it is. There's just a lot of stress and frustration going on with me right now as I'm trying to prepare, prepare, prepare and take care of Natalie at the same time. She's been hitting some HUGE mental milestones and some of them are just a bit overwhelming right now. John is going to have his hands FULL once she gets over there. Well, mine will be too but he's going to at least get her for a couple of days while I recover from the two months alone with her and jet lag, not to mention the 13 hours plus I'll have to be on a plane with her. Bleh. I'm SO not looking forward to that. But what else can I do? Just hope I find out WHEN soon so that I can finish preparing. It's hard to do that when I don't have a departure date.

I'm beginning to think I'm going to be stuck here forever...

I've been informed that the person who is supposed to be taking me and Natalie to Chicago when we FINALLY get a flight out currently does not have a working vehicle to be able to do so. The van he normally drives has a non-working transmission. My older sister is using the car I brought here because the transmission in HER van died. Mind you, both of these vans have had the transmission replaced within the last two years. My younger sister is pretty much grounded to La Crosse as she'll be in her third trimester.

So, I had to send an email to John asking him to look at flights coming out of La Crosse which will mean paying more for tickets which will likely mean waiting for his NEXT check to get this done. If it wasn't for the holidays coming up, I'd send in all the paperwork that needs to be done anyway so that we don't have to go flying to Japan within a month of getting over there.

*sigh* I'm tired, I'm lonely, I miss my husband terribly and once again, we're out of propane which means no hot water, hot gas for cooking, and no gas for the dryer until I have no idea when. It is times like these that it is very hard for me to keep any bit of optimism going and the day to day living is just very hard. I'm trying to keep my spirits up but it is definitely not easy and I'm quickly running out of chocolate. Which has me thinking some hot chocolate would be nice before bed.

Hard to believe John's been gone a month now...

On one hand, it feels like it has been longer and on the other, it feels like it hasn't been that long at all but this time a month ago, John would have been in the air close to two hours so if not over the ocean at that point, close to it. Strange how we'll be in a similar situation ourselves no more than a month from now. It's starting to hit and I'm starting to panic just a wee bit. There's going to be a point where I will be on an airplane with my three year old daughter (I'm figuring she'll be three by the time we leave since her birthday is oh 18 days away) and coming to a country I have never been to and sleeping on a bed that is totally unfamiliar to me. Just seems strange that this is all going to happen but then there have been a lot of things that have happened in my life where I have looked around and thought, "This is NOT happening to me." June 28, 2003 comes to mind as the big one. So there will definitely be moments of WHAT AM I DOING THIS IS NOT HAPPENING! but hopefully not too many. lol Just another adventure in the journey of life though I figure by the end of this, I'll have a few books to right. I mean, come on, if someone can pay Mylie Cyrus SEVEN figures for her biography and she's only 16, I should at least be able to get something for mine! lol I'll admit too, it would be nice to have some time for writing and maybe being in a new place will inspire me and maybe even bring a few more readers to my site. We'll see. Of course, I have considered making it a family effort too though I will admit, Natalie hasn't quite figured out how to put her thoughts to computer or even paper for that matter.

Ah well, I suppose I should head off to deal with the little one who is calling me and continue to figure out what will be going with us as there isn't much time to get everything ready before we depart.

Three weeks...maybe a little longer...but all the same, not much longer...

John called this morning with some VERY good news. We had been looking at ways to cut down on the amount of waiting time that is needed to get over to Korea. Part of what has to be done is to get visas and since going to and from Chicago by car is NOT fun (did that with John last month), the other option is to send it by mail. Well, part of the concern with getting the visa was the sponsorship which required documents being sent over to Korea, then getting the number we would need for the visa application, then filling out the application and sending this really big package to Chicago and then wait for it to come back to us and then get the plane tickets. His news today let me know that we can totally bypass that. We do not need a visa in Korea for thirty days. During that time, we can get the visas done ourselves and all that would be needed is a day trip to Japan to complete the process. So, John is looking into this and with luck, he may be able to get the plane tickets as soon as next week with the money he gets from his paycheck.

So here, I've been thinking how in the world am I going to get through the next month plus before we get over there and now I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to get everything done in the next two weeks! lol Crazy how that all goes. But, at the worst case scenario, if I can't find a way to be in La Crosse for the final week, I do have somewhere else to go and that may something I need if there's no way for me to be in town. In the meantime, I want to spend the next week or so getting EVERYTHING ready including getting all the clothing down to one suitcase and one carry on bag. That's a BIG job but it has to be done. Seems kind of overwhelming though to think about it.

We're getting closer though so that's something. Not scared yet, reality hasn't quite hit on that end and probably won't until I'm actually at the airport or on the way down and then I'll probably freak out. lol

It's been awhile since I've done an update on my sister...

The good news: baby's still in there. Now the bad news: she's due in March but she may be having the baby before the end of the year. She had an ultrasound yesterday and there's something going on with the cord and the OB is very concerned. She wants my sister to come in EVERY WEEK. Normally, that doesn't happen until week 36 and on. She's 24 weeks. I think she's getting another ultrasound next week too. And if ANYTHING is off, she's to come in right away. She was 28 weeks, almost 29 weeks pregnant with Emmah when she lost her so the OB is REALLY being cautious. Hopefully the baby will be able to stay in there but some thoughts and prayers are really appreciated right now. A preemie would be REALLY rough on the family and on the little baby too.

John's been in South Korea for over three weeks now.

Natalie and I are still here, trying to adjust. Plans are being made as far as getting us over to South Korea as well but without tons of money, it's slow going. One of the things I have to do yet is fill out the applications for the visas and send those along with passport photos of both me and Natalie as well as our passports. Before I can even do this though, I need to make copies of the birth certificate AND marriage license both and send those to the school John is at so that those can be sent to the immigration office over there. Then, we're supposed to get our numbers and those go on the visa applications and all of this stuff has to be sent to the Korean Consulate in Chicago. Then those are looked over and we should then get our visas and after that, plans will be made as far as getting the plane tickets. John is working with the travel agent the school worked with when getting him over there and hopefully, we won't have to wait until after January 1st to get there but it's possible. I'm trying to figure everything out and make plans and go through things because I want to be down to having ONLY enough stuff to go into our check in bag and carry on bag and everything else will either be given away, sold, or put in storage. I'm also hoping that I'll be able to pick up a few things we'll need before leaving. Natalie will need new socks and possibly even some new clothes as she has grown over an inch since October 22nd. She will probably also need some new underwear. I need new underwear and new socks myself and maybe another pair or two of pants as those are hard to locate in my size over there.

It hasn't been easy. We both miss John here very much and living with family tends to invite comments and criticisms and they've never really liked John that much anyway. Then there's the religious differences and the fact that this is the time of year we normally do not celebrate that everyone else does! So that makes things a little more difficult. We're also WAAAAAY out in the boonies, the nearest town (and I say this almost tongue-in-cheek as there isn't even a grocery store there but there is a post office) is about 10 miles away. The nearest REAL town is about 15 miles away. Fortunately, there's a Wal-Mart there and if I need most of anything, I can get it there. My hometown is 35 miles away. Natalie has been having to adjust to not being able to go to the park when she wants to or really even outside that much. We're RIGHT by a highway and she's at the non-listening stage of her development right now which has me very concerned. There are also electric fences around here and would prefer she didn't learn to avoid them the way I did, by touching one. Yeouch!

So I'm trying to take each super long day as it comes and hoping that everything will get set up soon so that we can get over there and finally be together and then that will begin the next stage, actually being in Korea. I'm sure there will be interesting pictures coming once I'm over there as there will be all kinds of things to explore. We'll be near a subway (something I have never been on) and I'm sure we'll be taking all kinds of modes of travel while we are there since we will NOT be driving at all. In the meantime, I do have a picture of John and Natalie before he flew out from O'Hare last month:

Don't they look cute together? There's a picture of me somewhere too but eh, I never do like my pictures. lol

Well, he made it.

John is in South Korea. He called me this morning from the school where he was touring. I also got to speak with the director and she sounded very nice, excited to meet both me and Natalie. So, that part is done and now we need to figure out when Natalie and I will be going over. It will probably not be until after December 15 which may mean that we are here until after the January 1st. It's just all going to depend on the holidays and stuff. We can't even apply for our visas though until John gets his first full check. He'll send that and then I'll do the applications and send them through the mail and then I should get that all back in the mail as well and after that, we make plans as to when we fly over. He is going to try and get the same airline he had and have us fly over on the same day though the problem with that is that getting paid on the 15th of December, that won't be until December 21st and that is going to be a really bad time to try and fly due to the craziness of the holiday season. Still, being able to go with him and see part of the process really helped and I now know I can get another bag for both Natalie and myself and I can get a laptop bag for the computer too and use a purse/diaper bag for Natalie. Hopefully I'll be able to put some toys in there for her as I'm sure she's going to want her doll and a few other things. Not sure how I'm going to deal with 8 bags, a two/three year old AND a car seat (yes, I need to take the car seat and that alone is going to be a big pain in the behind). I'll also either need to invest in a harness or an extension for the Ergo sling I'm buying from a friend of mine as I am not going to be able keep a full hand on my daughter at all times and she's entirely too fond of the escalator (I'm terrified of them, I don't even like the stupid moving sidewalk!) So lots of details, things to buy, things to figure out and it's just all mind boggling but at least John has made it to South Korea safely and that's the important thing.

Now, we wait.

John has been dropped off at the airport and currently, should be in the air as I'm typing this. Actually, he should have been in the air for the past 11 hours and will hopefully land in the next two. Saying good bye was hard, just as it was last time but maybe a little harder this time since there was Natalie too. Hard to believe that it was almost seven years ago that he left the last time. SO much has changed in those seven years.

Anyway, I'm REAL beat and Natalie has already crashed so it's really tempting to go to bed. Hopefully tomorrow, things will start to go back on track, at least until we get ready to leave ourselves.

Getting ready for tomorrow!

After many setbacks and delays and two VERY long and tiring trips to Chicago (a five hour drive by car ONE WAY) to get John's visa all ready, John will finally be leaving for South Korea from Chicago tomorrow morning. Yes, this does mean making ONE more trip down there but fortunately, the majority of the driving will fall to a family friend though it will be a VERY early morning for us as John's flight leaves at 11AM. He would like to get there by 8AM which means leaving here at 3AM or earlier. So another VERY long day awaits us one that will be made a little harder by John's departure. We'll be joining him but not for at least a month (possibly even two months) so it will be a fairly lonely time here. Fortunately, I'm just a short distance away from friends and family so all should go well. Still, I do worry that Natalie will have a hard time without John there to keep her occupied but I did buy a copy of Annie and once I have the desktop set up, she can start watching that in our room until the VCR and DVD player finally get set up.

I'm sure too that the next month to two months will also go quick with me making plans myself for our own departure. I will still need to get our visas done (thank goodness there's no need for any trips to Chicago to do that, that will all be done by mail), go through both mine and Natalie's clothes and determine just what will be taken, go through Natalie's toys, go through books, finish my scrapbooking project so that the finished scrapbook can go with, cut down on the things I am using here bit by bit, sell/get rid of old clothes of Natalie's, try to sell some more nursing necklaces, and more that I'm not thinking of right now all while dealing with an almost 3 year old toddler who has MORE than enough things to get into during the day when no one is looking (in particular, the cats that are outside that she keeps trying to sneak out to go see).

Add to that birthdays and holidays and people to see and things to do, I have to say I think the next two months are going to go by WAAAAY too fast for me and the next thing I know Natalie and I will be on an airplane ourselves! Don't want to think about that just yet though cause eek! not ready for that and can't really wrap my mind around that at this time.

We have a tentative departure date!

November 9th if all goes well, maybe sooner but it all depends on immigration and the whole visa deal. Whew! Lots going on right now. John is finishing up everything in the apartment and will be leaving there Friday at the latest (he has to be out by 11am) and Natalie and I are settling here at my sister's as best as we can. I'm trying to get us both on some kind of a schedule though that will go right out the window once John gets here. Hopefully he won't drive me too crazy, I about went nuts with the whole moving thing because he was such a pain about it all! Ugh. Just want some peaceful time and hopefully some time for just the two of us before he leaves.

It's all starting to hit but I'm still trying not to think about it too much. Right now, I'm kind of trying to prepare for the writing thing that starts in November. I didn't do it these past couple of years though another mom I knew did (and wrote very well for it too) but I would really like to give it a go. It would be fictional but I'm kind of coming up with something. I don't know. It's been a long time since I've really done any writing (well besides letters and emails and stuff) but it would give me something to do anyway and I do have my AlphaSmart that I have had forever. I would need to hook it up to the desktop to use it but I suppose I could use the laptop too, just haven't really used it on my LAP yet. lol

That's pretty much it for now. Natalie's been sleeping for a couple of hours now and I had better get a diaper on her and then I should head off to bed. More details will come as I learn of them.

Moving Day!

For me and Natalie anyway. We're waiting for a family friend to come up with a trailer, then we'll load stuff and hopefully go! John and Natalie are making a quick milk run and should hopefully be back soon. I'm hoping we won't be getting back to La Crosse too late but you never know especially when it comes to loading things up. I have been SO STRESSED OUT! I think Natalie is feeling a little out of it too as she keeps meowing instead of talking. She is excited about going to her cousin's house so I'm hoping she'll snap out of it soon.

Not much else going on, just trying to get a couple of things sold on Craig's List and a few things given away on Freecycle but I should probably go and get some more packing done. Bleh. Have I mentioned I HATE packing?

John will be staying behind to clean up and then will be out of here by the time the lease ends. Hopefully he'll know what the situation is with the visa and all that. The documents should have gotten to Korea by now so it's just a matter of time. I'm still hoping he'll be out of here by the 4th of November but we'll see.

Here we go again...

John is sending out documents to a director in South Korea. John did send her the information on the thing with the driving so hopefully having seen that, everything will be set to go because seriously, I will wig if another job falls through. As it is, things have already taken a detour as I will be staying with my older sister instead of my younger sister. My younger sister is angry with me because I questioned her getting back with a friend of hers who really isn't very good for my sister. She's a known thief and has stolen from me before and staying 1-2 months over there with my computer and a few nice rings really didn't have me feeling very secure about things. Not to mention, the whole thing didn't even make any sense. This girl was honest to goodness NASTY to my sister for MONTHS following their break up and now, they're best friends again when the break up was not even 9 months ago. I don't know, if someone was that nasty to me to the point of stalking me and threatening bodily harm and was acting so horribly I had to call the police on her, you better believe I would not be best friends with her a less than six months later. But, not only is this person my sister's best friend, my sister has actually turned on ME because I dared to question it. So, because of that, plans had to be changed including deciding that instead of storing things at her place, we will now get a storage locker. *sigh* Hopefully that won't be too expensive. It's just really frustrating because there really was not that much stuff I needed to store but I have no one else to leave it with so I really don't have a choice and these are things that have meaning to me so I'm not just going to give them away either.

So, that's pretty much has been what is going on right now, just doing what I can to prepare for my departure next week with Natalie. John will follow sometime around the 31st and hopefully, he'll fly out sometime around that time. First thing first, the documents have to go out, then there's the visa, and then he'll have the plane ticket. Soon, it should all be set and he'll be flying over and then it will all really hit home.

John is now done with his hotel job.

So now, hopefully something will come up as far as a job in Korea. So far, I'm still preparing for everything to leave here on the 18th and that has not changed. The public school position has completely fallen through. The recruiter will be sending back his documents. It's just SO stupid that the only reason for this is because of his driving record. Nothing else. And it's from EIGHT years ago! Ugh! But, I just have to keep on keeping on and hopefully the position the other recruiter was telling him about will work out and John can take that. It's in the same city we were looking at before, just not public. But last I heard, she hadn't sent him all the information he needed either. *sigh* This whole thing can be SO frustrating! But again, we just have to keep on looking and trying to find something. With the fact that now John can go pretty much ANYTIME after the 22nd, he should be able to find something but in the meantime, it's a lot of stress dealing with things so up in the air like this. *sigh*

Not much going on otherwise. John got his check last night and it's a good one which is nice because my birthday (and five year wedding anniversary) is on Saturday. So FOR ONCE, it will be a decent one. Of course, can't really get much since we're moving but I can get at least one or two Sims 2 expansion packs. Can't wait!

I did end up finding out more on my former middle school teacher. From what I was able to find online, it appears she had a brain tumor and that ended her life. I find that VERY ironic because she was very much focused on her health and was a very active person. I'm sure that had to have been a very difficult illness to deal with as that would have taken away everything she had been enjoying before. Just doesn't seem fair. Her life was cut WAY too short. Sadly, as much as I regret not having contacted her sooner, I do have to say that it was probably for the best as I do not think I could have dealt emotionally knowing she was going through this while everything else in my life was going on. It still doesn't seem real though that she's gone and I'll never be able to talk to her again. I had planned to consult her when I finally got Natalie to that point in homeschooling. Not to mention, she was one reason why I would have considered putting Natalie where I went to school but that never would have happened because it's a Catholic school and there's just no way John would have tolerated that. Still, it was a thought. But she really was an excellent teacher and her loss is a huge blow to the middle school she taught at.

Feeling sad today...

...not to mention a little shocked and dismayed. I was searching for one of my old teachers with the hope of contacting her only to find her obituary. She was my science (and computers) teacher back when I was at Aquinas Middle School. She died back in February at the age of 63. She was one of those who was in really good health and was a runner and only a couple of years older than my mom, not even. I have SO many regrets because I had, for the longest time, wanted to contact her and talk to her, especially after everything happened in my family just over five years ago. Something always stopped me though, I don't know what. I guess it just never felt right, especially as I tended to get into trouble for hanging around the teachers too much in school anyway. But still, there was SO much I wanted to share with her and I wanted her to meet John and Natalie and just let her know what was going on. I had hoped to do that when I was up in La Crosse again so thought I would try to find her or at least an email address. Now, it will be her grave I visit. I'm just shocked, so very shocked. There was any mention of how she died other than it happened at her home so I'm guessing in her sleep? But at 63? John's 44, that's less than 20 years away for him.

It has me even more worried for my mom, my mom whom I still have not seen in person for over four years now and probably won't get to see before I go to South Korea. If my former teacher, who appeared very healthy the last time I saw her, died so young, what hope does my mother; who has had diabetes now for almost 20 years, has some heart issues, and has had cancer kill off both her mother and her grandmother before the age of 70; have? I will be gone about two years, maybe more and the one thing I fear the most will be the phone call or email telling me she's gone. It's one of the things that really has me concerned about leaving, this fear that she'll be gone before I come back.

This certainly isn't helping the already negative feelings I'm feeling right now about everything. John's job has, at the moment, fallen through. We're still hoping that everything can be fixed but it is very possible that it will not and that John will have to seek another position which will be difficult because he no longer has any documents and he had originally planned to be leaving around the 22nd. Everything is coming up here at the last minute and therefore, there has been a TON of stress, at least for me. John never does seem to feel any stress. His last day of work for the hotel is the 7th. He's off the night of the 8th because it is a Holy Day and then that's it. He won't be working after that. The lease here ends the 31st at 11am and then we're supposed to be out of here. I don't know what to think at this point. Admittedly, it's a misunderstanding due to his stupid driving record (I swear, when we come back I am going to either learn to drive or we're going to live somewhere with public transpo so that he doesn't drive!) so hopefully it will be cleared up but at the same time...life has taught me not to be optimistic about ANYTHING. My therapist likes to say it is distorted thinking, I like to think that it is protection from the constant disappointment life gives me.

No, I will admit, I do not have much faith. Having faith, hope, optimism leaves me disappointed. Assuming that things will be the same as when I left them will end up leaving me sad and thus, it is just better to constantly prepare for the worst because it is when I don't that life hurts me. Like finding out about my teacher today. And, to be honest, this is not the first time this has happened. I was searching for another teacher not long ago, one from college when I found HIS obituary. And he wasn't much older than John! If he was even older than him, can't remember now. He had died of cancer. Hmm, maybe I better stop looking up my old teachers. I'd rather not find anymore obituaries. Bad enough that most of the ones I knew in high school have retired (may I mention that I graduated less than 10 years ago?) including all the ones who used to (nicely) pick on me? I had one of those last names that just begged to be pick on. But I knew it was all in fun too and had no problems with it. That was how it was for me, I was very close to many of my teachers and they meant a lot to me.

It's just a reminder that everything in my life is changing so much. It's true what they say, you can't go back. I've learned this time and time again: when I went back to my old elementary school, when I went back to the farm, and now even going back to La Crosse, things have changed, things are different. No wonder John doesn't stay attached to memories or to the past, it's easier for him, I suppose, to be rootless in life, to be able to pick up and just move on whereas, for someone like me with roots, being uprooted and transplanted is traumatic and causes irreparable harm. I don't really know how I can change to become someone who isn't so attached to things and places and people. Goodness knows, it's been hard enough just to give away the things I have and I still cling to things that are important to me. I have two stuffed toys that are close to 20 years old. One of them is over 20 years old, a little pink mouse that I got just after our house burned to the ground. Another is a little stuffed dog that I got for my 8th birthday. I got him at my birthday party which was October 15th back in 1988, almost 20 years ago.

It seems almost appropriate that all of these feelings are coming up to be dealt with now, with my 28th birthday coming up on the 11th. For some reason, the birthday blues seem to come more frequently now. I had felt that turning 27 was this HUGE milestone and for some reason could never really think BEYOND the age of 27, almost like I wasn't going to live to see 28. I don't know. Now, turning 28 seems even worse! With 28, I'm now thinking about being 30 and for some reason, turning 30 really scares me. Very odd. I can remember how I could NOT WAIT to turn 18, that 18 seemed to be a turning point in my life, a good one. And then 21 was another big step forward but one that was anticipated. How did it get from that to dreading 28 seven years later? And when you consider that John is a full 16 years older, it's a wonder I don't freak out about those ages but I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that he does not appear very old at all. Most people are VERY surprised to hear he's over 30. Great. I wonder if that means that someday he'll look YOUNGER than me. I hope not. Because that would just be SO WRONG.

*sigh* The weather, I must say, definitely is not helping my mood. Maybe I should play Carpenter's "Rainy Days and Mondays Always Get Me Down".

Well, better get some more coffee down and then it's off to do laundry. We have a good 4 or 5 loads to do today and then hopefully I'll get some time in later to do some scrapbooking. I haven't done any in a LOOOOOONG time.

Hopefully things will turn around soon. I don't think I'll have enough chocolate on hand (or alcohol for that matter) if they don't.

I must be INSANE!

I have a rummage sale tomorrow, er, I mean later today. I think I have so far priced around 100 items and I'm NOWHERE near being done. But we need money and we need to get rid of stuff so a rummage sale it is. We'll probably end up having more than one though. Just hope people stop by.

In other news, I somehow managed to kill John's computer. No idea how exactly but Windows won't boot up. I'm not too distraught about it but I did have some files on there I would like to get off including some music. Otherwise, if worst came to worst and I had to just dump the computer, I think I would be okay with it. I would prefer though to get those few files off of it if possible. At least I got the pictures backed up! That I would have been upset about and was when the motherboard went about two years ago.

Well, I'm off to bed, gotta get up bright and early and prepare for a rummage sale. Night!

Free at last!

From shampoo, that is. I have been going no-poo for over a month now. For those totally unfamiliar with it, no-poo is the idea of leaving your shampoo and your conditioner behind and using only baking soda and apple cider vinegar for hair washing. Using natural oils for conditioning is okay too. Shampoos are VERY harsh on our hair. Shampoo has either Sodium lauryl sulfate or sodium laureth sulfate detergents that strip hair of the oils it needs to stay healthy. So, to replenish that, we put conditioner in our hair which has oils (not natural oils either) that usually can only be stripped by using shampoo which is basically a never ending vicious cycle.

The issues I have had with my hair personally finally led me to find something different to do. I have what I thought was dry hair. I was constantly getting shampoos for dry hair, usually something for dry and damaged hair or something for frizzy hair (since my hair is naturally curly and usually frizzes badly). I wanted hair from the Pantene commercials, so healthy it shines. My hair did NOT shine. Not to mention, I also ran into issues with what I thought was dandruff. My scalp would itch, BAD, within just a couple of days of washing (sometimes even right AFTER washing my hair). So, to combat that, I was using Head and Shoulders which REALLY dried out my hair. It would dry it out SO much, I didn't have to wash it for five days (it also didn't itch that whole time either).

So, this summer, in one of my groups on Cafe Mom (a site for moms I frequent) that's kind of different in that it is not your typical mainstream group, moms on there are looking into the more natural way of living and one of the topics that came up quite a bit was going no-poo. I read the posts with quite a bit of skepticism at first because to me, it sounded like a lot more trouble than it was worth. Then some moms started posting journal entries and pictures of their hair and it started to get my curiosity going. But, it still sounded like more work. I started to read more and more on this including blog entries online. While I wasn't quite ready to give the baking soda bit a go, I decide to stop using shampoo. I can't remember exactly the date I did this but I do believe that it was after one of the times I used my head and shoulders. It was early August and I used the shampoo and then instead of using it again after 2-5 days, I just rinsed my hair out with water. Something VERY curious happened when I let my hair go without using shampoo, it got greasy, REALLY greasy. I thought I had dry hair. My hair was NEVER oily, not that I can ever recall, it has always been dry and I was always putting in massive amounts of conditioner including hair cholesterol! So, to have greasy hair was a bit of a shock. And it was REALLY greasy and I wasn't too comfortable with this so I finally figured out how I could use some of the baking soda and give this a go. I didn't like the idea of just rubbing some into my scalp but someone has mentioned using a bottle, putting some baking soda in with some water and using that. Okay, I think I can handle that. I had my peri bottle from when I had Natalie (no, I don't throw things away very easily) and thought that this would be GREAT to use. It wasn't perfect, the hole on top was a little small but it was enough to be able to get a decent amount of baking soda on the bottom. Then I started my shower, put the water in the bottle and shook it. I didn't use the apple cider vinegar that time because while we had a very large bottle of the stuff in the pantry, it had floaties and I was just not big on putting that into my hair. Ick.

So, August 13th, I gave baking soda a try and using it on very oily hair, it really cut the grease. When you use it (especially when you are using enough), there will be a little bit of fizzing, almost a small lather but more like fizzing as you work the mixture into the hair. I would just hold the bottle and squeeze the stuff all over, making sure to get the back where most of the grease was and not getting as much in the front, where my hair is dryer. Once the bottle was empty, I just worked it into my hair and scrubbed my scalp, then rinsed it all off. That day, I just finished my shower and got out. I let my hair air dry and while the back felt GREAT, the front of my hair looked a little fried. Some olive oil took care of that though. That was the first time.

The second time was just over a week later. This time, I did get some apple cider vinegar. I got a bottle of the Heinz from Wal-Mart. It was a little more expensive and it came in a glass bottle but there were no floaties that I could see in it. I also picked up a pack of condiment holders for $1.50. They were squeeze bottles and were perfect for what I would need them for. I still used the peri bottle for the baking soda but this time, I used the smaller condiment bottle for the apple cider vinegar. I put in about 1/2 tablespoon of baking soda in the bottom of the peri bottle and I think around a tablespoon of apple cider vinegar. I washed my hair with the baking soda as before, then rinsed. I put in the apple cider vinegar mixture and left it in while I washed the rest of my body. Rinsed everything off at the same time and got out. Hair again, felt great in the back, a little dry in front so this time, I tried out my Burt's Bees body butter (Cocoa butter and macadamia nut as well as other oils) and that seemed to work out really well, it didn't come out as greasy and it soaked nicely into the hair. I had learned the whole using lotion in hair trick when Natalie was a baby. The Johnson and Johnson lavender lotion worked really well in her hair when she was younger. Doing this was working out pretty well and even though my hair was getting greasy, it made my hair look healthier. It had that SHINE! Unfortunately, it felt like I had used Crisco in my hair too, it was very heavy and it did eventually feel greasy to the point I had to wash it again and that was usually before the week was out. Now, I'm not sure if this is the detox period that is talked about or not, we'll have to see.

During that week, I got my hair cut. It had been over a year since I had gotten it cut and last year I had gotten it cut pretty short and it was layered. All of those layers were not below my chin and kind of yucky especially since I had dyed my hair about a year ago as well. So, I got all of that cut off. It was only about two inches but it left my hair feeling pretty nice but the time the person was all done. I did not get my hair shampooed. She just sprayed it with water and combed it and cut. And her doing that was pretty nice since that kind of gave it a washing and it combed all the oils through the hair. But a couple of days later, I needed to wash it. This time, thinking that with less hair, I would need less baking soda, I cut the baking soda down to 1 teaspoon when I usually used 1 1/2 teaspoons. This was not a good thing to do. One, I didn't get fizz when I washed my hair. And two, my hair did not feel washed, it felt greasy and it stayed that way until I washed it again less than a week later. That was kind of rough and icky too. I washed it on the 3rd with the 1 1/2 teaspoons of baking soda in water and a tablespoon of apple cider vinegar. My hair would come out a little dry in front but not too bad and then I would just use the Burt's Bees. After two or three days, I would do a water wash and that would give me very nice, hydrated, wavy/curly hair. A day or so after that, I would start brushing it, constantly with a stiff brush and even a shampoo massager I got from Walgreen's for about sixty cents. It worked GREAT for getting through the thick back of my hair where it was VERY greasy. I would brush and brush each day and put it in pony tails and ride out the greasiness since I was home anyway and it did look very healthy and shiny, it just felt heavy and greasy. And this is what I have been doing since then, changing the day of hair washing around depending. I'm still trying to find the perfect number of days to go before doing the full wash. So far, it is between 6 and 8 days though I'll probably wash my hair on Tuesday this week since I'll be going out. I also want to give the coconut butter I have in my cabinet a try. I bought it to use for my hair but I haven't tried it yet since the Burt's Bees was working so well. This last time, I washed it on Thursday, used the Burt's Bees and it was curly/wavy. I brushed through it today and it looks pretty good. It's shiny but not really greasy. I'll rinse with water tomorrow and use my very wide toothed comb to comb through the wet hair and it will be curly/wavy again.

It's been quite a process so far but one thing I have to say is that I am SO much happier with my hair than I have ever been (except when it was really short and then I hated it because I looked like a guy). I'm actually thinking that I may be able to let my hair grow out a bit this time. I would at least like to grow it out enough so that it's not flipping up in the back. That I'm finding to be a little annoying. But it feels soft, it feels silky, and I just LOVE IT! The stuff I use for it is SO cheap too! A box of baking soda costs less than $2 same for the bottle of apple cider vinegar and yet, since I use so little for my hair, it lasts awhile! I used to pay $4 or more for ONE bottle of hair product! I easily spent around $10 just to get shampoo and conditioner and if I got anything for the frizziness, I sometimes spent even more! I have gotten hair products that have cost me $10-$15 for ONE product! And I still had hair I was not that happy with.

I've been so impressed, I stopped using shampoo on Natalie's hair too. And, because her hair doesn't even get greasy, I haven't been using the baking soda (though the stuff I put into her bath has baking soda in it so she may be getting some in her hair through that), just the apple cider vinegar to give her hair a nice shine. So this will save me money on her too and I'm now trying to talk John into giving up HIS shampoo and using baking soda. It's been an eye opening experience for me and I'm so glad I tried this out. It's going to make my life SO much easier over in South Korea not having to worry about finding a shampoo for my hair. All I need is baking soda and apple cider vinegar! Less than $4 total and I'm probably set for a good six months. That cannot be said AT ALL for most hair products.

Now, all that is needed are pictures. This is the hard part because I'm a chicken in front of the camera. What I need to do is have John take some pictures of me. Taking pictures of myself is not working too well. So, the next time I do my baking soda wash, I'll have him get some pictures of me and you can see how it looks yourself! And then I'll take a couple two or three days later after I do my water rinse, and a couple closer to the next time so that you can also see what it tends to look like when it is in a more greasy stage.

Here is another blogger though who is farther along in her no-poo journey than I am:
http://www.goingbananasblog.com/search/label/no-poo
These posts are all related to her going no-poo but she has a full blog as well.

YAY! Gotta love good news!

I was out all day yesterday so I missed the call I had gotten from the audiologist. I figured though that it was about whether or not I was approved for the hearing aid. I called this morning and it's VERY good news. I was approved for TWO new hearing aids from MA! YAY! This is VERY good timing too because the hearing aid I have is almost four years old and is starting to have some issues. Not to mention, in the ear hearing aids are really not that strong compared to the out of the ear hearing aids. So, I'm supposed to go over to the clinic today and pick out the colors I want for them! That just totally rocks. I should definitely get them back in time before leaving Beaver Dam. I'll admit, it's going to take some getting used to having two hearing aids (especially on the phone!) but I'm really hoping that it will help with my hearing.

Now though, I'm really kind of curious as to what kind I'm getting. My understanding originally was that MA only approved VERY basic hearing aids which did not include any kind that had colors. I know it's too much to hope but oh wouldn't it be awesome if they actually approved the Bluetooth ones? Hopefully, I'll know by this afternoon, I'll have to run over there after John gets done subbing for the day.

He has accepted the position.

Now, he just has to send everything over. This includes all of the documents including contract, passport size pictures, diploma, transcripts, etc. If all goes well, he should be getting a plane ticket to depart October 22nd. The pay day over there would be the 25th of the month so if we end up having to stay, it would not be until after Thanksgiving that we would be able to fly over there since he would get paid too close to the holiday travel time where tickets go up way too much. I just hope that they go down a little after that so that we can get tickets. But from what I figure, he should be able to stop working his one job as of October 9 and then if he wanted to sub, he could do that as the money would go right into my account a month later. Any little bit will help us get plane tickets at that point. If we don't go with him, I will be making sure that Natalie and I get NON-stop flights from Chicago to Korea. They are available. It is a 13 hour flight but considering it will be my FIRST plane ride EVER, I do not want to have to worry about dealing with a toddler during a layover, especially if I have a lot of stuff to deal with too. Not to mention, with delays and all of that, I would be SO afraid of missing my connecting flight. Non-stop would be much better.

So, in preparation for this, I purchased a few cloth diapers for Natalie for overnights. Since dryers are not overly popular over there (and I guess they don't really dry all that well), we'll be having to hang clothes up to dry and that will include Natalie's diapers so it was recommended that I get some pocket diapers. I got three so far that were on sale but by the time shipping and everything were added on, it did end up being a little more on the pricey side but oh well. I'm using the money from my PayPal account from what I have made making my nursing/sibling necklaces so I can't complain too much. Just need to get about three or four more though and then I'll be set. What I'm going to do if Natalie ends up regressing again, I'm not sure as I probably won't be able to take more than a package of diapers with me when I go over. I still will need to figure what to do about my own needs as I really do not want to get over there and find out that the only menstrual supplies that are available are scented. I am a little on the sensitive side when it comes to scented products, especially for that region.

I have a feeling the next month is just going to fly by. It usually does this time of year, especially from about three weeks to my birthday on. It's four weeks to my birthday/wedding anniversary now. But with everything that is going to have to be done, ESPECIALLY with the two computers I have that I still need to get stuff off of and put on THIS computer, it's going to go by fast, I think. Unfortunately, it's starting to look like I'm not going to get as much of my scrap booking done as I wanted to which is kind of a bummer. I'm still not even done with Natalie's first year. I have pictures to put in that I finally got developed, and the last five months of her first year to complete before I can even think of going on to the next year. SO much to get done! And this weekend, I really need to take some time to sit down and write to the warden of the prison my mom is at. I really want to be able to get visitation for her and the only way I'm going to have a chance of doing that is to get them to see that I'm not afraid of her victimizing me or anything like that. So that's got to get done so that I can get that off and maybe get it back before too long so that I can see her before I leave Beaver Dam. We'll just have to see how it all works out though.

Lots to do and very little time to do it in...

Keeping my fingers crossed!

John had a phone interview this afternoon for a position in Suwon, South Korea (which was one of the cities we were hoping to go to). So far, so good, they emailed him a contract that they want him to look over. It's for one of the public schools which is VERY good because they tend to be a little better about paying and stuff. So really hoping that this will be it and that we can finally start to get ready to GO! And not a moment too soon, the darn catalytic converter fell off of the car this morning while John was driving home from work. We have to replace that and that's going to cost us around $165. Ugh, I HATE owning a car! That, I do have to admit, will be the nice thing about going over there, NO CARS! Suwon is only 20 minutes away from Seoul by subway. Unfortunately, the way things are going, I still am probably going to have to stay with someone for at least a month or so until John can afford to get us plane tickets. *sigh* But, we'll deal, it will be nice to be able to see everyone before we go and leave for two years. Just hopefully Natalie will be okay with it all.

I HATE my husband's job...

This is going to be one of those rant type posts so be warned...

I cannot stand my husband's job. It's not even that difficult of a job, just a job as night auditor for a hotel so we're not talking overly difficult. He works overnight usually and works about 40 minutes away. He's been working there since January same hours, same days and was doing fine for MONTHS until our stupid no good piece of crud car died. We replaced the starter which seemed to be the reason why it died (and I will not even go into that, I'm still ticked at how much we had to pay for that) and the car worked fine for ONE day and then it died...again...on Father's Day, FORTUNATELY after we had a nice day and got to go around and do things, mainly go to the park and pick up an ice cream cake from the DQ. Well, when it died that time, we more or less figured that it was the head gasket for the THIRD time. And that was about all we were going to take of that. Third time on a second engine and each time seems to be between a year and 18 months before going, forget it. We were NOT dropping another $1000 on it. We didn't HAVE the thousand to drop! SO, for two weeks, we got stranded here until my younger sister's father-in-law from her first marriage got us a car (under his name though which makes sense). That took two weeks. Meanwhile, he missed those two weeks of work except for one day that the manager actually came and got him. Now fortunately, he wasn't fired but he did get dropped down to two days a week. We were able to get by though with the part time job he had over the summer with the school district as a teacher's assistant. So that helped.

Now, here comes the problem. While he was only scheduled for two days a week, he was getting called in quite a bit more than that (up to the full-time hours) because the other people at work were not getting to work. And this had been pretty consistent for I would at least say the last month and a half. And most of the workers wouldn't even bother to call in! Or they would call him in at the last minute or something. It was basically getting to where he was THE only reliable worker there, the one who actually did get there and not ONLY get there but got there ON TIME too!

Now to me, this does not seem fair at all because he got punished for the two weeks he honest to goodness could not get to work but those who had full times hours (including the house he USED to have) who were screwing off, usually not even bothering to come in, were not only NOT losing their jobs, they were still getting the full time hours! Um...ok... It just isn't making any sense as to why they just cannot give him back his hours! So now, he has a couple of more hours scheduled per week but they are from 3-11! This totally messes up trying to get ANYTHING accomplished here, especially scheduling appointments, getting to my meetings which are at 5:30 on Thursdays, etc. And they were just randomly throwing him in wherever without even talking to him! Which was frustrating when I had things scheduled in weeks in advanced and they only do the schedule a few days before the new weeks starts!

So THIS week, he worked Saturday and Sunday 11PM to 7AM the next day. So, he got done with work 7AM Monday and then had to go back to work 3PM on MONDAY and work until 11PM. Then he came home, slept (when I finally got his skinny little behind in bed!) and was SUPPOSED to work 3-11 tonight and then come home. It is almost 2 in the morning and he is STILL at work. The person who was supposed to come in at 11 did not. Nor did she call. So, he will be there until 7AM and THEN he will be home. But, there really isn't time for him to sleep when I have a 12PM appointment which I cannot miss because it is with my therapist and I missed last week's appointment by mistake thinking it was the 4th when it was actually the 3rd! Then, he has a phone interview for a job in Korea at 3PM and a meeting at his current job at 6PM. So, more than likely other than a couple of cat naps (which he is at least able to take so long as Natalie doesn't harass him) he will not get any sleep until tomorrow night. And somehow, he also has to fit some time in for Natalie and take her to the park before she completely wigs out. And the manager over there is no help because I guess she doesn't even know how to do the night audit job. She's a new hire.

I am really, REALLY hoping that he will actually go into this meeting tomorrow, asks for his night audit schedule back, and gets it because if he doesn't, I am going to go MAD! This whole thing is totally messing Natalie up too. This is why we can't even remotely have a schedule for her. As often as his schedule changes, there is no way to do so, we would be having to change it constantly! As it is, we will ALL probably be going down to Madison tomorrow and doing a few things around town, maybe even picking up another set of piggy pajamas for Natalie so that she has a set in the next size since she loves them so much, I don't know but ugh, I am just getting SO fed up with his job and the garbage they are pulling on him! He's the one who has been reliable (when the car is) and at least always calls when he's not going to be there or when he's going to be late (that happened when a tire blew out) so why can't they just give him his stupid hours back? ARGH! The only thing I can think of is that they won't do it because it would take away from the flexibility of them being able to call him when someone else doesn't show up which I think is just STUPID. He's not always able to either. He can't go on Friday nights (and YES, they did call him on a Friday night and it was AFTER the shift had started too!) and a lot of Thursdays he hasn't been able to go either. At least they would have five shifts covered they KNOW would be covered. Ugh, just don't get it.

Some updates on my sister...

Baby is still cooking but she is considered VERY high risk right now due to the three losses she had within a year. She lost Emmah July 13 last year, then had two miscarriages after that before getting pregnant with this one in early July of this year. So, her OB has her taking baby aspirin, she's on full pelvic rest (willing to bet her husband regrets getting her pregnant now), she's on medical leave from work (actually, that's from the chiropractor who put her on a 10 lb weight restriction), and once she reaches 24 weeks, she's to have monthly ultrasounds. Not only that but her OB is actually having a doctor from Mayo Clinic checking her out. Part of the concern is that the reason for all of these pregnancy losses was never determined and so far all, all of the tests they have run on my sister have come back normal. It's a big mystery. So, just have to keep hoping for the best but she's also prepared for the fact that the OB may go in at anytime she feels that the baby may be in danger which may mean an early arrival and a cesarean to boot. Therefore, she'll also be getting steroids at some point. As for the cesarean, she's not too worried about it because this will be her last child. If it is a cesarean, she wants her tubes tied at the same time. Can't say I blame her, she's incredibly fertile (just not able to hang onto babies that well) and not able to take ANY form of birth control.

Is it any wonder that I don't even really think too much of having another one? With the fertility issues that have struck the women in my family, Natalie very well could have been a one shot deal. If it is, I can live with that though sometimes I think about having another one. Just not something I'm ready for right now...

Hearing appointment yesterday...

One of the things I am trying to do is get a hearing aid through the medical assistance before we go to South Korea. John really wants me to have one since he thinks it will help out a lot. I have had a hearing aid for my left ear since I was six years old after being diagnosed with hearing loss when I was four and a half. It took a couple of years for the audiologist to determine the degree of loss I had in order to choose the right hearing aid for me. Last year, I switched audiologists because I had moved out of the area. This was not easy to do as I had had the same audiologist since my initial diagnosis back in 1985. Yes, that is correct, over 20 years. After my full evaluation back in October (on my birthday, no less), she determined that I needed a hearing aid in the right ear as well. In February, after she had finally gotten my records she did determine that my hearing had slightly worsened and therefore concluded that a hearing aid for the right ear would help. It has not been an easy thing to accept and now, almost a year later, I'm STILL trying to get that hearing aid for the right ear. Medical assistance is causing all kinds of delays and all that good stuff so it will be a miracle if this gets approved at all but I just have to be as patient as possible, I guess. The good news is that my hearing at least has not worsened since then but it has somehow worsened within the last four years (last time I had seen the audiologist which was right after I got my current hearing aid). There is some speculation that the reason the hearing worsened in that ear could have been due to pregnancy. Pregnancy not only can worsen sight, but I guess it can also worsen hearing. Interesting to know.

Hearing aids are not cheap. In fact, they are very expensive. I think the cheapest I got was around $700 and there are hearing aids that actually go up to as much as almost $3000 each. I kind of wish I had $6000 to burn, I would get two of these hearing aids:
http://www.oticonusa.com/Oticon/Consumers/Products/Epoq.html
They have Bluetooth technology and you can actually use them to listen to your MP3 player or talk on your cellphone without even having to use any headphones! Plus, they work together so that you can hear even better. That would be SO nice! As it is, it can be really hard right now with just having the one hearing aid having ears that hear the same and I have no idea how it will feel to have two, especially since they will be SO different! The one for my right ear will be an outer ear hearing aid while for the left ear, I have an in the canal aid. I just hope that MA comes through on time so that I have it before we leave the country. Otherwise, I'm stuck for a good two years with only the four year old hearing aid I have (they only last about 4-7 years).

So, since it had been over six months since my last major evaluation, MA wanted me to get another one. This is a roughly hour long appointment where the doctor goes and plays lots of sounds in my ears and does different tests to determine where my hearing is at. All kinds of different sounds are played in both ears and at different volumes and then at some point, sound is introduced to my right ear and beeps are played in the left and I'm supposed to identify the beeps. It's not easy for me because I tend to hear phantom ear noises (especially during the tests). I do get ringing in my right ear at times and even on occasion my left ear, so they do make noises of their own which makes hearing beeps difficult at times since they're not played very loudly.

To really give you an idea of how bad my hearing is though, one of the tests that is done is the audiologist has a tape play where a man speaks ten words. I have to be able to hear and repeat those ten words back. Each ear is played separately and different words are used for each ear. They are ONE syllable words. Right ear, out of ten words, I got three wrong (though one of them, if I had just heard the darn S at the end, I would have gotten it right). But still, 7-8 right, not bad. Left ear...ZERO correct. I got none of them right. Not ONE. I usually would get the vowel sound, but miss the consonants. If anyone were to speak into my left ear, I would not be able to understand that person at all. That is why I have never been able to use the phone with my left ear, only my right because it would never work, the loss is too severe in that ear. My left ear will only be a helper ear, never a primary ear. And that's even WITH the hearing aid.

In all the years growing up, I don't think my hearing loss had ever really been spelled out to me. I had likened it to having to wear glasses. At 27 years old, I'm finally really starting to face reality when it comes to my hearing loss. It's not like wearing glasses. As far as my left ear goes, it's probably more like being legally blind in one eye. That makes a HUGE difference and at the same time, I have tried so hard to do what I have needed to do regardless that I have more or less shot myself in the foot as far as getting help, especially from the Department of Vocational Rehabilitation. Maybe it would be different now considering my hearing has actually worsened and thus, maybe when I come back to the states, I could try to see them again and see what can be done. Something to think about as I don't think I could do another phone type job again and it has seemed to have worsened AFTER I left that job. It's one of the reasons why I'm kind of afraid to look for work, I don't know how I would deal with the hearing problems I have. So many jobs are people oriented and do seem to require a level of decent hearing and I don't know if I have the hearing for it. Thus, my self confidence is a little on the low side when it comes to that.

Done with dinner, Natalie's in bed...

Not much else going on so I'll probably play my game a little bit and go to bed. I really should write to my mom and do a few other things (like about a year's worth of scrap booking, eh) but I could use some down time. Still have to pick up and make the bed before going to bed but that shouldn't take too long.

Still waiting for John to find a job. Both of the ones he was considering fell through. It's not so easy this time around for him to find something, mainly because he has me and Natalie both to consider and I want to be in a fairly good sized city. At the very least, it has to be on the sub line to Seoul, but it doesn't have to be in Seoul. I didn't even know this until recently but one of the first recruiters he checked out told him that trying to take us wouldn't even be a good idea! They wouldn't recruit for him! We have told management we're not staying another year so he had BETTER pull something off SOON! I don't like the fact that we may be in October and STILL not know where we are going. Unfortunately, it's entirely possible because that is how these people operate over there. Great. Just absolutely bloody GREAT! It's frustrating because EVERYTHING is on hold right now. I don't know what to do and I can't even really plan ahead! I have to WAIT. This is starting to feel like two years ago when we were looking for a place to live and hoping we can pull something off before the end of October. Ugh, the end of October again, what is UP with my birthday month?! At least the moving part shouldn't be quite as difficult, we're not supposed to be moving with anything! *sigh* I don't know, something I wonder if this is even going to work out. Somehow, I'll just have to hope it does. It did last time...barely...but I really didn't want to cut it so close again. All we can do though is hope it all works out for the best but at the same time, you better believe I'm going to be preparing for the worst!

Cold weather definitely seems to motivate me...

Dinner is in the oven; chicken, potatoes, baby carrots, with dumplings added for the last ten minutes of cooking. Banana bread is already baked, dishes are in the dishwasher washing, and I actually got my room cleaned today. I'm sure some of it is too that I'm avoiding going online to my groups. *sigh* Been finding that WAY too frustrating lately. I think I am going to be very glad to be out of this country because the way I see it, it's going to heck in a handbasket.

John's at work so it's just me and Natalie and Natalie fell asleep so I guess she won't be eating dinner after all. grr. It wasn't my intention for her to fall asleep but it happens, especially when she decides to go and nurse. My guess is she'll sleep until morning too. So, just doing a little writing while I wait for the chicken to finish cooking.

Tomorrow will be one of those jam packed days of excitement and adventure...well, not really. I have my audiologist appointment tomorrow which is an hour...yay. This is all in efforts to get a hearing aid for my right ear before we leave the country. Bleh. Twenty-seven years old and have to get a hearing aid for the OTHER ear. Lovely. The ONLY good thing about this is if I give it time for the prices to drop, I can MAYBE at some point get hearing aids for BOTH ears with Bluetooth technology. Right now though, the hearing aids run $2995 EACH. Um, can't swing almost $6000 right now. But someday, it would be quite nice to have a set of hearing aids that I can just hit a button and be able to listen to my MP3 play or make a call on my cell phone, without actually touching the device. Sounds good to me!

Timer went off. The chicken is done so I'll have to come back later...

So many updates...so little time...

I cannot believe that it has been over a year since I last posted but it has been. I have been mainly updating the Natalie's World blog but when I made the decision to let John start the process of going to South Korea for two years, I figured at some point, I would need to get this blog up and running again so that I can update it with all of the happenings on that end rather than taking up room on the other blog which really is still the blog that is to be all about Natalie. So today, I have finally gotten that all done and now I can start updating everyone as to all of the going ons that are occurring as we prepare to leave the country.

If you are just tuning in now, I do have some entries about this in Natalie's World but for now, here are a few details. Back in late April, I made the decision to let John start preparations to teach over in South Korea which has been a lucrative field for John in the past. Okay, it's not INSANELY lucrative but considering the fact that John half the times doesn't even work full time, we're on food stamps, we're on state insurance, etc, it is DEFINITELY more lucrative for us. This was not a decision I came to lightly and it has been one that I have struggled with for the last four months mainly because it will be SUCH a change. But it has come to the point that something drastic must be done considering the current state of the economy in this country.

So now, we are getting VERY close to John having a job in Korea. He figures by this week sometime, he will know for sure. Currently, there are two that he is looking at. One is through the original recruiter that we went with for the first contract that he had to can because it was too far out into the boonies. The good news is this one is on the subway line and it's not far at all from one of the major cities and less than an hour from Seoul. This is good. What's not so good is that it starts October 11 (probably not until the 13th but the pay day is the 10th of each month). If we don't get the money together for the plane tickets for me and Natalie, we will not be together on our five year anniversary which is October 11th. That day is also my 28th birthday. If we do have the tickets to go, I'm just hoping that I don't end up spending that day on an airplane because that would kind of suck. We would have to leave here October 4th then spend the week somewhere until John flies out. Either that or it would be the 10th, we would have to pretty much go from here to the airport (which would be in Chicago anyway) and then Natalie and I would head back up to La Crosse with whoever ends up taking John down to the airport. So, just a couple of scenarios there.

The other position doesn't start until November 3rd. It is in Ilsan which John has lived before. He's shooting for that position since he's lived in the city before and liked it a lot. It would be a good fit for us but so far, he hasn't heard very much from this guy and the other recruiter has all of our stuff already and has even found us a two bedroom apartment (which hasn't been easy as a lot of these places are NOT set for families, most ESL teachers are single and right out of college).

There are still a TON of details to work out and time is quickly flying by. I hate that so much of this is done at the last minute, really it just drives me nuts and it is SO family un-friendly. But, in all honesty, this really is not meant to be a family deal, this is meant to be more for single people to do. Families tend to get in the way. It can be done, and there are recruiters who do just that but I think the problem there was getting the plane ticket for John. I'm hoping that somehow, it all works out for the best. There aren't really any other options otherwise.

In the meantime, I am trying to get ready for a rummage sale and start getting all the extra stuff we have out of the apartment. Ugh, you have NO idea how much stuff we have and most of it is mine with a bunch of it being Natalie's (how in the world did we accumulate SO much stuff for her in the last three years?!) Once I know more about the date, I can start making arrangements with my younger sister to pick up the big items that she wants including our couch and a few pieces of furniture including Natalie's crib. Yes, she's pregnant again, after two miscarriages and so far, so good, she's almost 11 weeks along and I think this one might actually stick, God willing. She's due March 24th so please everyone, keep her in your prayers for a healthy, LIVE baby. So once those details are hatched out and I get the two love seats out of here, that will help a lot as far as the space goes. But there is A LOT of stuff to get rid of and it is going to be an INSANE month/two months.