It's been kind of a long (and COLD) month.

March ended on a rather somber note. Just after 2am on the 31st, a dear friend of our family passed away. He's actually the father of my younger sister's first husband who was killed back in 2003 by my father (long story there that I won't get into today). My father even before then was not the warmest father in the world. In fact, in many ways he was quite abusive both verbally and later on, physically. So, I never really had the greatest relationship with him even though we were similar in many ways and had a lot in common. My mother was also arrested and charged with being a party to the crime, first degree intentional homicide (my father was charged with first degree intentional homicide). Both were tried in two separate trials and both were found guilty and sentenced to live in prison without any chance of parole. So basically I have no parents in the sense that they are not in my life. I am not allowed to see them. I can write to them and my mother does call me collect but that's about it. They were not at my wedding. They have never met my children and very possibly never will (there is concern that they could still victimize my younger sister and I since the murder occurred in my apartment and I saw it happen so that's part of the reason why at this point I'm not allowed to see them). The last time I saw my mother was when she was here for my dad's trial in August of 2004. I saw my father a year later when he was in court for some motion he was trying to put through.

Jesse, the father of my sister's first husband, sort of unofficially adopted all of us four kids after everything went down. And for almost eight years, he was like a dad to me and the only grandparent my children really knew (other than my older daughter talking to my mom once in a great while). He was there at my wedding even though I barely knew him back then (even went and got fitted for the tux so that he could be dressed for the occasion). He was there to hold my oldest shortly after she was born. I would call him and talk to him and he would stop by and see my girls. During my youngest daughter's colic period, he was the only one who could hold her and calm her down and it was because of this that we started calling him The Baby Whisperer. He was a good friend and a wonderful and generous man who would give the shirt off his back and the shoes on his feet and do anything he could to help his kids out.

Last March, I found out he had lung cancer. He was told that without treatment, he would have only two months. With treatment, he might have two years. He started undergoing treatment for it, getting both chemotherapy and radiation. He was getting radiation at the time Isabelle was born so he didn't get to meet her until she was one month old. Even with the treatment though, the cancer spread. Around Christmas time, he was told he had about six months. Then he got worse. In February, he was told he had a month/month and a half. I got a call March 27th that he was in the hospital. He never regained consciousness.

The funeral was April 5th and he was laid to rest in a grave next to his son. It still feels odd sometimes not being able to call him and talk to him. I used to call him all the time, even when I was in Korea and phone calls were very expensive. The world has seemed much emptier since he died. He had so much energy and life within him that it just doesn't seem real that he's not here.

So that's been difficult to deal with at times. Shortly before that, my older sister moved away to another state and that's been hard too. It's hard not to feel an overwhelming sense of loneliness when people close to you leave so April has been particularly difficult this year. Doesn't help that outside of a couple of warm days (including one especially warm day that brought with it a severe storm and almost hit us with a tornado too) it's been quite chilly. We at the end of April and we're still getting nights that are below freezing and even snow! Makes me wonder when it's really going to start getting warm outside.

Isabelle's nine month update.

Took Isabelle to her nine month doctor's appointment last Friday. Current stats: 26 3/4 inches long (23rd percentile) and 14 lbs, 2 oz (.5th percentile). She's gaining weight but still pretty small. However, her ped is not worried as she looks happy, healthy, and has at least a little bit of fat on her.

She also now has her first tooth. It came in around the beginning of the month.