It was about this time, six years ago, that I called John who, at the time, was my fiance and living here in South Korea. It was sometime between 10:21 and 10:50 am CT on Saturday, June 28, 2003. For John, it was already June 29th, just after 12:30 am. I'm sure he was not at all prepared for the phone call he got, a phone call from his very hysterical bride-to-be. He wasn't even able to understand a word I was saying and I wasn't able to talk to him for very long, the ambulance and the police were already arriving. It was amazing I was even able to dial the number since it was so long but months of calling him had made it all pretty automatic.
It was and still is, the worst day of my life. Nothing in the 22 and a half years before that day and nothing in the six years since that day has eclipsed the events that transpired that Saturday morning. I sincerely hope nothing ever does.
It's one of those events that ends up defining you and it definitely has defined me. Part of me, I think, is still stuck in that day. Sure, I have worked to move on. That's kind of how life goes. No matter what happens, there are still marriages and births and birthdays and all of those things that defines the life of a family. There's the day to day process of living that has to happen no matter what happens that may disrupt that. Life keeps happening and the world goes on living and somehow, you have to as well. But it wasn't easy, for a long time, it wasn't very easy to do at all.
And now, six years later, I'm here in South Korea, with both John and Natalie and it just seems to be so different compared to how things were six years ago. Sometimes it all seems surreal, that the events never really happened at all. When I talk to my mom, where she's at doesn't really enter my mind. There's sort of a denial about it all, like my brain just can't comprehend it all, doesn't really WANT to comprehend it all because to do so would somehow shatter it. I don't know. Sometimes, it tries to deal with what has happened through dreams but even those are confused. Many times, I will have dreams that I'm doing things with my mom, sometimes even my dad which is not at all possible nor will it ever be possible but it seems that they are right there, like everything is normal, like it all never really happened. It's like there are still parts of my brain that are just in total denial of all that has happened the last six years and doesn't want to acknowledge it ever happened so there's a sort of another dimension that is there within my mind and not only in that dimension are my parents in my life in full force but my seventh grade science teacher is alive and well and I talk to her often even wished her a belated happy birthday even though she's been dead now for almost a year and a half.
I know I'm not the only one with the dreams and mine are fairly tame compared to the dreams my sisters have had, especially my younger sister. Again, just amazing how our minds will take events that have happened and try to make sense of them when we're asleep. Amazing and kind of scary because the world it presents as the alternative is just crazy sometimes.
So another year passes and time goes on. Hopefully, someday, the day will pass without me taking note of it but that probably won't happen anytime soon. You just can't go through something like that and not have the date etched on your mind. Time may wear it down a little but to nothing? I don't know if that will ever be the case. I think John was hoping that bringing me here would help that but if anything, it only seemed to remind me even more because he was here when it happened. And it took me a long time to even forgive him for being here in the first place. That he wasn't with me when I needed him and wasn't able to come home for another three months was not easy for me to deal with at all. And for a long time, he took the brunt of my anger towards what happened because of it. I always had felt that things would have ended differently if he had just been back in the US with me or even if I had somehow been here with him. But to be honest, there's just no way of really knowing.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
We finally have our visas...
...and our registration cards, all good until February 27th which is when John's stuff all expires since we're here as his dependents. Still not sure how long we're actually going to be here though. Things are still all up in the air because of this director. He told John two months ago that he was going to replace him. Well, nothing has really happened since then. But in the meantime, he won't let John go nor will he help John with anything that requires a contract since he doesn't "intend" to keep him. So once again, things are very much all up in the air. We're kind of tossing around the idea of just leaving for the Feast and not coming back here, just go home for that and then try to figure out where to go from there. Not quite sure how that would all work though. But John has to figure something out as far as that goes as taking a whole week off in October is not something that directors are going to really be thrilled with when getting a new employee.
In the meantime, I guess he has an entire week off the first week of August which should be nice, provided we're still here. But I would say, if John hasn't gotten any kind of notice the first week of July, we'll be here at least that long because I expect for John to get the 30 days notice he is entitled to. Not that the director has really been inclined to follow the law thus far. He STILL has not taken out pension and he has NOT been taking out money for health insurance (which will be great if we ever need to take Natalie or any of the rest of the us to the doctor).
Fortunately for the most part, we are pretty healthy people but it is on the back of my mind. Which has me concerned about something else. Since John dropped the cell phone in a sink full of water a week or so ago, we have not had any means of calling out. The cell phone (which did not always have minutes) was the only means I had to call out should something happen. The landline here is not capable of calling out. I always get some kind of error message in Korean when I try to make any kind of a phone call. My understanding was that it was deliberately set up this way (not sure why anyone would have bothered to put a phone in in the first place then).
And this is one of those things that really gets to me. We need to have a phone that is capable of calling out in the event that anything happens here while John is at work. I have a three year old. Things can happen and I do not want to try and figure out how to get a hold of John if something was to happen. If Natalie is sick, I don't know where the hospitals are. I don't know where to take her. John had a cell phone but it was always kind of iffy. It's not easy to figure out where we can go to get a contract and with the director planning to replace John at some point, I doubt we can get one anyway. But, I can't even find that out because I can't speak Korean and so far, the cell phone places I have stopped at today don't seem to have any English speaking reps. So, I'm really getting frustrated by this and I have asked John to talk to the director about this to let him know that either the phone here needs to be set up so that I can call out or someone who can speak both English and Korean from the school needs to come over, take me and Natalie somewhere I can get us a cell phone since John pretty much works during all the business hours.
If things weren't just so messed up economy-wise in the states, we would have gone back home but as sucky as the situation here has been, the money has still been good and it still beats going back on county assistance and having almost NO extra money at all. Here, we're able to go out, see things, do things, have fun, eat out and still have money to send home. It's not perfect but right now, being here is just a lot more attractive to me than going home. And, as always, it is the path of least resistance. I also don't have to figure out quite yet just where we're going to live because that's still up in the air too. The plan is that when we do go home, we're going to settle somewhere for awhile, at least 4-5 years with NO moving AT ALL. That's a tall order to ask of John but after all the moving I've done so far since October, I will have no desire at all to move once we get home. So, I really do not want to rush on that because it's a big decision. We're going to be at least temporarily putting our roots down and I want it to be somewhat of a decent place.
So, once again, it's all a waiting game and we're just waiting to see how everything turns out. We just sort of take it one day at a time, just like we have with everything else. Kind of frustrating at times but what else can you do? It's no better at home, that's for sure.
It definitely has its perks though. I am really enjoying not having to rely on a car and I like getting around by myself or with Natalie, taking the bus (which I have finally gotten used to enough to brave on my own, the buses here are FAST and SCARY!) or the subway, both just a block from our apartment. I have figured out the subway system enough that I probably could go just about anywhere it goes without John (a fact that I'm sure would not thrill him as he would probably panic at the idea of Natalie and I galivanting all over the place) and I'm hoping that maybe I'll be able to start meeting up with some other moms who live on the lines but aren't in the same area. There's lots of shopping to be had here and not everything is insanely expensive. Hair pieces, especially are super cheap and Natalie and I are having a ton of fun finding different colors and different types including bows and those pony tail holders with things on them (think of those sunshine pony tail holders that Punky Brewster always wore and you get the idea) like butterflies, hearts, stars, etc. Shopping is also interesting in that you never quite know what to expect when you go into a store. Samples are typical in the grocery store setting (just like it is at home) but one thing you'll find here that you WON'T find in the US is an area to sample WINE. Admittedly, it's not much more than a sip in a paper cup but still, I think it's pretty neat that I can go into a grocery store and try a sample of wine. And in doing so, have found quite a few that I wouldn't mind picking up a bottle of and bringing home. lol And the nice thing is, as long as the store is open, you CAN buy the wine to take it home! In other words, no being told that you can't buy it because it's after 9pm. Bars here are also open pretty late but since we're here with Natalie, we haven't really taken advantage of that. Still, John jokes that if I get mad sometime and need to get out (always a possibility when you have three people stuck together in a studio apartment), I can always go next door and upstairs to the wine bar. lol
Another interesting thing with shopping is that unlike at home where (especially in big box stores) it can be extremely hard to find someone to help you find something, here there are store personnel available to help pretty much in every single aisle. While this can be a good thing, it can also be a little bit overwhelming, especially if you are trying to shop for something discreetly. An example of this was my experience on Sunday shopping for um pads. Now, I was prepared when I came over. I bought a Diva Cup from the co-op in Madison and I came with a few pads and a package of liners as a back up. That's been working great but the liners were not really big enough and I wanted to pick up something a little larger. And while I'd really like to get cloth pads at some point, right now, I'm just too overwhelmed by all the choices and not looking forward to getting hit with the huge shipping fees to get them over here. So there I am, trying to look at various packages of pads which, of course, are all in Korean and the sizes are all in cm and I have no idea how big I want it to be except that I KNOW that 42 cm is just too big (since that's like a good 15 inches and good grief who in the world needs a 15 inch pad?!) when this nice Korean woman comes up and tries to see if I need help and naturally, there is a language barrier but I try to convey that I would like to find some pads that are not too large and are not too scented either (I can't stand scented items). She keeps pointing some that are definitely too big and I'm trying to tell her that won't work but not getting very far. She finally, I kid you not, brings out this BOOK with samples of actual pads in it! Oh boy! I do see some that may work but to be honest, I was just sort of uncomfortable with the whole thing and really just wanted to get out of there! Mind you, there are samples of pads hanging in front of the packages of pads in the aisle. And they are open so that you can touch them and see if that is the pad you would want to get or not. Helpful, I'm sure, but not something we're going to see in the US anytime soon (thank goodness!). So that was Sunday. Monday, I go to this little Walgreen's without the drugs type place (since all medication are sold ONLY in pharmacies and small ones at that) and fortunately, the help is not quite so overwhelming so I'm left to try and figure out pads and liners for myself with a little help from John with reading the Korean (poor hubby). We had trouble figuring out if one of the ones I was looking at was scented and unscented so John is left having to ask the ladies up front since he's the one who knows Korean. It was interesting to say the least. But we were able to find out what we needed to know and as those weren't too expensive, I did leave with them. They were more liner type things than pads but again, as I only need them as a back-up to my cup, they'll work...as long as I put it in correctly.
There's definitely a lot to see and do around here, don't get me wrong, and I am starting to see what got John so into traveling. My family had settled down by the time I was born so I missed out on all of that and now, my eyes have very much opened up to how unique various places can be. And if John is still at this job come August when he gets that week off, I have no doubt we'll be doing some traveling, especially by train which is a favorite of both John and Natalie.
Now if only John can find a decent job. I think that would really make a world of difference. If he can find a honey of a job with what we have here so far (and a decent apartment with the amenities we need), it would really help out a lot. Unfortunately, I don't think Natalie's going to be sold on the idea until she gets her bike and I'm holding off on that for the moment as I'm using that for a very special milestone. But she seems to be adjusting too and I think if we find some fun things to do this summer (like a water park or the one amusement park that's not too far from here), she'll get more excited. It's just not easy to find things for a three year old to do everyday. They get bored easily.
In the meantime, I guess he has an entire week off the first week of August which should be nice, provided we're still here. But I would say, if John hasn't gotten any kind of notice the first week of July, we'll be here at least that long because I expect for John to get the 30 days notice he is entitled to. Not that the director has really been inclined to follow the law thus far. He STILL has not taken out pension and he has NOT been taking out money for health insurance (which will be great if we ever need to take Natalie or any of the rest of the us to the doctor).
Fortunately for the most part, we are pretty healthy people but it is on the back of my mind. Which has me concerned about something else. Since John dropped the cell phone in a sink full of water a week or so ago, we have not had any means of calling out. The cell phone (which did not always have minutes) was the only means I had to call out should something happen. The landline here is not capable of calling out. I always get some kind of error message in Korean when I try to make any kind of a phone call. My understanding was that it was deliberately set up this way (not sure why anyone would have bothered to put a phone in in the first place then).
And this is one of those things that really gets to me. We need to have a phone that is capable of calling out in the event that anything happens here while John is at work. I have a three year old. Things can happen and I do not want to try and figure out how to get a hold of John if something was to happen. If Natalie is sick, I don't know where the hospitals are. I don't know where to take her. John had a cell phone but it was always kind of iffy. It's not easy to figure out where we can go to get a contract and with the director planning to replace John at some point, I doubt we can get one anyway. But, I can't even find that out because I can't speak Korean and so far, the cell phone places I have stopped at today don't seem to have any English speaking reps. So, I'm really getting frustrated by this and I have asked John to talk to the director about this to let him know that either the phone here needs to be set up so that I can call out or someone who can speak both English and Korean from the school needs to come over, take me and Natalie somewhere I can get us a cell phone since John pretty much works during all the business hours.
If things weren't just so messed up economy-wise in the states, we would have gone back home but as sucky as the situation here has been, the money has still been good and it still beats going back on county assistance and having almost NO extra money at all. Here, we're able to go out, see things, do things, have fun, eat out and still have money to send home. It's not perfect but right now, being here is just a lot more attractive to me than going home. And, as always, it is the path of least resistance. I also don't have to figure out quite yet just where we're going to live because that's still up in the air too. The plan is that when we do go home, we're going to settle somewhere for awhile, at least 4-5 years with NO moving AT ALL. That's a tall order to ask of John but after all the moving I've done so far since October, I will have no desire at all to move once we get home. So, I really do not want to rush on that because it's a big decision. We're going to be at least temporarily putting our roots down and I want it to be somewhat of a decent place.
So, once again, it's all a waiting game and we're just waiting to see how everything turns out. We just sort of take it one day at a time, just like we have with everything else. Kind of frustrating at times but what else can you do? It's no better at home, that's for sure.
It definitely has its perks though. I am really enjoying not having to rely on a car and I like getting around by myself or with Natalie, taking the bus (which I have finally gotten used to enough to brave on my own, the buses here are FAST and SCARY!) or the subway, both just a block from our apartment. I have figured out the subway system enough that I probably could go just about anywhere it goes without John (a fact that I'm sure would not thrill him as he would probably panic at the idea of Natalie and I galivanting all over the place) and I'm hoping that maybe I'll be able to start meeting up with some other moms who live on the lines but aren't in the same area. There's lots of shopping to be had here and not everything is insanely expensive. Hair pieces, especially are super cheap and Natalie and I are having a ton of fun finding different colors and different types including bows and those pony tail holders with things on them (think of those sunshine pony tail holders that Punky Brewster always wore and you get the idea) like butterflies, hearts, stars, etc. Shopping is also interesting in that you never quite know what to expect when you go into a store. Samples are typical in the grocery store setting (just like it is at home) but one thing you'll find here that you WON'T find in the US is an area to sample WINE. Admittedly, it's not much more than a sip in a paper cup but still, I think it's pretty neat that I can go into a grocery store and try a sample of wine. And in doing so, have found quite a few that I wouldn't mind picking up a bottle of and bringing home. lol And the nice thing is, as long as the store is open, you CAN buy the wine to take it home! In other words, no being told that you can't buy it because it's after 9pm. Bars here are also open pretty late but since we're here with Natalie, we haven't really taken advantage of that. Still, John jokes that if I get mad sometime and need to get out (always a possibility when you have three people stuck together in a studio apartment), I can always go next door and upstairs to the wine bar. lol
Another interesting thing with shopping is that unlike at home where (especially in big box stores) it can be extremely hard to find someone to help you find something, here there are store personnel available to help pretty much in every single aisle. While this can be a good thing, it can also be a little bit overwhelming, especially if you are trying to shop for something discreetly. An example of this was my experience on Sunday shopping for um pads. Now, I was prepared when I came over. I bought a Diva Cup from the co-op in Madison and I came with a few pads and a package of liners as a back up. That's been working great but the liners were not really big enough and I wanted to pick up something a little larger. And while I'd really like to get cloth pads at some point, right now, I'm just too overwhelmed by all the choices and not looking forward to getting hit with the huge shipping fees to get them over here. So there I am, trying to look at various packages of pads which, of course, are all in Korean and the sizes are all in cm and I have no idea how big I want it to be except that I KNOW that 42 cm is just too big (since that's like a good 15 inches and good grief who in the world needs a 15 inch pad?!) when this nice Korean woman comes up and tries to see if I need help and naturally, there is a language barrier but I try to convey that I would like to find some pads that are not too large and are not too scented either (I can't stand scented items). She keeps pointing some that are definitely too big and I'm trying to tell her that won't work but not getting very far. She finally, I kid you not, brings out this BOOK with samples of actual pads in it! Oh boy! I do see some that may work but to be honest, I was just sort of uncomfortable with the whole thing and really just wanted to get out of there! Mind you, there are samples of pads hanging in front of the packages of pads in the aisle. And they are open so that you can touch them and see if that is the pad you would want to get or not. Helpful, I'm sure, but not something we're going to see in the US anytime soon (thank goodness!). So that was Sunday. Monday, I go to this little Walgreen's without the drugs type place (since all medication are sold ONLY in pharmacies and small ones at that) and fortunately, the help is not quite so overwhelming so I'm left to try and figure out pads and liners for myself with a little help from John with reading the Korean (poor hubby). We had trouble figuring out if one of the ones I was looking at was scented and unscented so John is left having to ask the ladies up front since he's the one who knows Korean. It was interesting to say the least. But we were able to find out what we needed to know and as those weren't too expensive, I did leave with them. They were more liner type things than pads but again, as I only need them as a back-up to my cup, they'll work...as long as I put it in correctly.
There's definitely a lot to see and do around here, don't get me wrong, and I am starting to see what got John so into traveling. My family had settled down by the time I was born so I missed out on all of that and now, my eyes have very much opened up to how unique various places can be. And if John is still at this job come August when he gets that week off, I have no doubt we'll be doing some traveling, especially by train which is a favorite of both John and Natalie.
Now if only John can find a decent job. I think that would really make a world of difference. If he can find a honey of a job with what we have here so far (and a decent apartment with the amenities we need), it would really help out a lot. Unfortunately, I don't think Natalie's going to be sold on the idea until she gets her bike and I'm holding off on that for the moment as I'm using that for a very special milestone. But she seems to be adjusting too and I think if we find some fun things to do this summer (like a water park or the one amusement park that's not too far from here), she'll get more excited. It's just not easy to find things for a three year old to do everyday. They get bored easily.
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