November 9th if all goes well, maybe sooner but it all depends on immigration and the whole visa deal. Whew! Lots going on right now. John is finishing up everything in the apartment and will be leaving there Friday at the latest (he has to be out by 11am) and Natalie and I are settling here at my sister's as best as we can. I'm trying to get us both on some kind of a schedule though that will go right out the window once John gets here. Hopefully he won't drive me too crazy, I about went nuts with the whole moving thing because he was such a pain about it all! Ugh. Just want some peaceful time and hopefully some time for just the two of us before he leaves.
It's all starting to hit but I'm still trying not to think about it too much. Right now, I'm kind of trying to prepare for the writing thing that starts in November. I didn't do it these past couple of years though another mom I knew did (and wrote very well for it too) but I would really like to give it a go. It would be fictional but I'm kind of coming up with something. I don't know. It's been a long time since I've really done any writing (well besides letters and emails and stuff) but it would give me something to do anyway and I do have my AlphaSmart that I have had forever. I would need to hook it up to the desktop to use it but I suppose I could use the laptop too, just haven't really used it on my LAP yet. lol
That's pretty much it for now. Natalie's been sleeping for a couple of hours now and I had better get a diaper on her and then I should head off to bed. More details will come as I learn of them.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Moving Day!
For me and Natalie anyway. We're waiting for a family friend to come up with a trailer, then we'll load stuff and hopefully go! John and Natalie are making a quick milk run and should hopefully be back soon. I'm hoping we won't be getting back to La Crosse too late but you never know especially when it comes to loading things up. I have been SO STRESSED OUT! I think Natalie is feeling a little out of it too as she keeps meowing instead of talking. She is excited about going to her cousin's house so I'm hoping she'll snap out of it soon.
Not much else going on, just trying to get a couple of things sold on Craig's List and a few things given away on Freecycle but I should probably go and get some more packing done. Bleh. Have I mentioned I HATE packing?
John will be staying behind to clean up and then will be out of here by the time the lease ends. Hopefully he'll know what the situation is with the visa and all that. The documents should have gotten to Korea by now so it's just a matter of time. I'm still hoping he'll be out of here by the 4th of November but we'll see.
Not much else going on, just trying to get a couple of things sold on Craig's List and a few things given away on Freecycle but I should probably go and get some more packing done. Bleh. Have I mentioned I HATE packing?
John will be staying behind to clean up and then will be out of here by the time the lease ends. Hopefully he'll know what the situation is with the visa and all that. The documents should have gotten to Korea by now so it's just a matter of time. I'm still hoping he'll be out of here by the 4th of November but we'll see.
Monday, October 20, 2008
Here we go again...
John is sending out documents to a director in South Korea. John did send her the information on the thing with the driving so hopefully having seen that, everything will be set to go because seriously, I will wig if another job falls through. As it is, things have already taken a detour as I will be staying with my older sister instead of my younger sister. My younger sister is angry with me because I questioned her getting back with a friend of hers who really isn't very good for my sister. She's a known thief and has stolen from me before and staying 1-2 months over there with my computer and a few nice rings really didn't have me feeling very secure about things. Not to mention, the whole thing didn't even make any sense. This girl was honest to goodness NASTY to my sister for MONTHS following their break up and now, they're best friends again when the break up was not even 9 months ago. I don't know, if someone was that nasty to me to the point of stalking me and threatening bodily harm and was acting so horribly I had to call the police on her, you better believe I would not be best friends with her a less than six months later. But, not only is this person my sister's best friend, my sister has actually turned on ME because I dared to question it. So, because of that, plans had to be changed including deciding that instead of storing things at her place, we will now get a storage locker. *sigh* Hopefully that won't be too expensive. It's just really frustrating because there really was not that much stuff I needed to store but I have no one else to leave it with so I really don't have a choice and these are things that have meaning to me so I'm not just going to give them away either.
So, that's pretty much has been what is going on right now, just doing what I can to prepare for my departure next week with Natalie. John will follow sometime around the 31st and hopefully, he'll fly out sometime around that time. First thing first, the documents have to go out, then there's the visa, and then he'll have the plane ticket. Soon, it should all be set and he'll be flying over and then it will all really hit home.
So, that's pretty much has been what is going on right now, just doing what I can to prepare for my departure next week with Natalie. John will follow sometime around the 31st and hopefully, he'll fly out sometime around that time. First thing first, the documents have to go out, then there's the visa, and then he'll have the plane ticket. Soon, it should all be set and he'll be flying over and then it will all really hit home.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
John is now done with his hotel job.
So now, hopefully something will come up as far as a job in Korea. So far, I'm still preparing for everything to leave here on the 18th and that has not changed. The public school position has completely fallen through. The recruiter will be sending back his documents. It's just SO stupid that the only reason for this is because of his driving record. Nothing else. And it's from EIGHT years ago! Ugh! But, I just have to keep on keeping on and hopefully the position the other recruiter was telling him about will work out and John can take that. It's in the same city we were looking at before, just not public. But last I heard, she hadn't sent him all the information he needed either. *sigh* This whole thing can be SO frustrating! But again, we just have to keep on looking and trying to find something. With the fact that now John can go pretty much ANYTIME after the 22nd, he should be able to find something but in the meantime, it's a lot of stress dealing with things so up in the air like this. *sigh*
Not much going on otherwise. John got his check last night and it's a good one which is nice because my birthday (and five year wedding anniversary) is on Saturday. So FOR ONCE, it will be a decent one. Of course, can't really get much since we're moving but I can get at least one or two Sims 2 expansion packs. Can't wait!
I did end up finding out more on my former middle school teacher. From what I was able to find online, it appears she had a brain tumor and that ended her life. I find that VERY ironic because she was very much focused on her health and was a very active person. I'm sure that had to have been a very difficult illness to deal with as that would have taken away everything she had been enjoying before. Just doesn't seem fair. Her life was cut WAY too short. Sadly, as much as I regret not having contacted her sooner, I do have to say that it was probably for the best as I do not think I could have dealt emotionally knowing she was going through this while everything else in my life was going on. It still doesn't seem real though that she's gone and I'll never be able to talk to her again. I had planned to consult her when I finally got Natalie to that point in homeschooling. Not to mention, she was one reason why I would have considered putting Natalie where I went to school but that never would have happened because it's a Catholic school and there's just no way John would have tolerated that. Still, it was a thought. But she really was an excellent teacher and her loss is a huge blow to the middle school she taught at.
Not much going on otherwise. John got his check last night and it's a good one which is nice because my birthday (and five year wedding anniversary) is on Saturday. So FOR ONCE, it will be a decent one. Of course, can't really get much since we're moving but I can get at least one or two Sims 2 expansion packs. Can't wait!
I did end up finding out more on my former middle school teacher. From what I was able to find online, it appears she had a brain tumor and that ended her life. I find that VERY ironic because she was very much focused on her health and was a very active person. I'm sure that had to have been a very difficult illness to deal with as that would have taken away everything she had been enjoying before. Just doesn't seem fair. Her life was cut WAY too short. Sadly, as much as I regret not having contacted her sooner, I do have to say that it was probably for the best as I do not think I could have dealt emotionally knowing she was going through this while everything else in my life was going on. It still doesn't seem real though that she's gone and I'll never be able to talk to her again. I had planned to consult her when I finally got Natalie to that point in homeschooling. Not to mention, she was one reason why I would have considered putting Natalie where I went to school but that never would have happened because it's a Catholic school and there's just no way John would have tolerated that. Still, it was a thought. But she really was an excellent teacher and her loss is a huge blow to the middle school she taught at.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Feeling sad today...
...not to mention a little shocked and dismayed. I was searching for one of my old teachers with the hope of contacting her only to find her obituary. She was my science (and computers) teacher back when I was at Aquinas Middle School. She died back in February at the age of 63. She was one of those who was in really good health and was a runner and only a couple of years older than my mom, not even. I have SO many regrets because I had, for the longest time, wanted to contact her and talk to her, especially after everything happened in my family just over five years ago. Something always stopped me though, I don't know what. I guess it just never felt right, especially as I tended to get into trouble for hanging around the teachers too much in school anyway. But still, there was SO much I wanted to share with her and I wanted her to meet John and Natalie and just let her know what was going on. I had hoped to do that when I was up in La Crosse again so thought I would try to find her or at least an email address. Now, it will be her grave I visit. I'm just shocked, so very shocked. There was any mention of how she died other than it happened at her home so I'm guessing in her sleep? But at 63? John's 44, that's less than 20 years away for him.
It has me even more worried for my mom, my mom whom I still have not seen in person for over four years now and probably won't get to see before I go to South Korea. If my former teacher, who appeared very healthy the last time I saw her, died so young, what hope does my mother; who has had diabetes now for almost 20 years, has some heart issues, and has had cancer kill off both her mother and her grandmother before the age of 70; have? I will be gone about two years, maybe more and the one thing I fear the most will be the phone call or email telling me she's gone. It's one of the things that really has me concerned about leaving, this fear that she'll be gone before I come back.
This certainly isn't helping the already negative feelings I'm feeling right now about everything. John's job has, at the moment, fallen through. We're still hoping that everything can be fixed but it is very possible that it will not and that John will have to seek another position which will be difficult because he no longer has any documents and he had originally planned to be leaving around the 22nd. Everything is coming up here at the last minute and therefore, there has been a TON of stress, at least for me. John never does seem to feel any stress. His last day of work for the hotel is the 7th. He's off the night of the 8th because it is a Holy Day and then that's it. He won't be working after that. The lease here ends the 31st at 11am and then we're supposed to be out of here. I don't know what to think at this point. Admittedly, it's a misunderstanding due to his stupid driving record (I swear, when we come back I am going to either learn to drive or we're going to live somewhere with public transpo so that he doesn't drive!) so hopefully it will be cleared up but at the same time...life has taught me not to be optimistic about ANYTHING. My therapist likes to say it is distorted thinking, I like to think that it is protection from the constant disappointment life gives me.
No, I will admit, I do not have much faith. Having faith, hope, optimism leaves me disappointed. Assuming that things will be the same as when I left them will end up leaving me sad and thus, it is just better to constantly prepare for the worst because it is when I don't that life hurts me. Like finding out about my teacher today. And, to be honest, this is not the first time this has happened. I was searching for another teacher not long ago, one from college when I found HIS obituary. And he wasn't much older than John! If he was even older than him, can't remember now. He had died of cancer. Hmm, maybe I better stop looking up my old teachers. I'd rather not find anymore obituaries. Bad enough that most of the ones I knew in high school have retired (may I mention that I graduated less than 10 years ago?) including all the ones who used to (nicely) pick on me? I had one of those last names that just begged to be pick on. But I knew it was all in fun too and had no problems with it. That was how it was for me, I was very close to many of my teachers and they meant a lot to me.
It's just a reminder that everything in my life is changing so much. It's true what they say, you can't go back. I've learned this time and time again: when I went back to my old elementary school, when I went back to the farm, and now even going back to La Crosse, things have changed, things are different. No wonder John doesn't stay attached to memories or to the past, it's easier for him, I suppose, to be rootless in life, to be able to pick up and just move on whereas, for someone like me with roots, being uprooted and transplanted is traumatic and causes irreparable harm. I don't really know how I can change to become someone who isn't so attached to things and places and people. Goodness knows, it's been hard enough just to give away the things I have and I still cling to things that are important to me. I have two stuffed toys that are close to 20 years old. One of them is over 20 years old, a little pink mouse that I got just after our house burned to the ground. Another is a little stuffed dog that I got for my 8th birthday. I got him at my birthday party which was October 15th back in 1988, almost 20 years ago.
It seems almost appropriate that all of these feelings are coming up to be dealt with now, with my 28th birthday coming up on the 11th. For some reason, the birthday blues seem to come more frequently now. I had felt that turning 27 was this HUGE milestone and for some reason could never really think BEYOND the age of 27, almost like I wasn't going to live to see 28. I don't know. Now, turning 28 seems even worse! With 28, I'm now thinking about being 30 and for some reason, turning 30 really scares me. Very odd. I can remember how I could NOT WAIT to turn 18, that 18 seemed to be a turning point in my life, a good one. And then 21 was another big step forward but one that was anticipated. How did it get from that to dreading 28 seven years later? And when you consider that John is a full 16 years older, it's a wonder I don't freak out about those ages but I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that he does not appear very old at all. Most people are VERY surprised to hear he's over 30. Great. I wonder if that means that someday he'll look YOUNGER than me. I hope not. Because that would just be SO WRONG.
*sigh* The weather, I must say, definitely is not helping my mood. Maybe I should play Carpenter's "Rainy Days and Mondays Always Get Me Down".
Well, better get some more coffee down and then it's off to do laundry. We have a good 4 or 5 loads to do today and then hopefully I'll get some time in later to do some scrapbooking. I haven't done any in a LOOOOOONG time.
Hopefully things will turn around soon. I don't think I'll have enough chocolate on hand (or alcohol for that matter) if they don't.
It has me even more worried for my mom, my mom whom I still have not seen in person for over four years now and probably won't get to see before I go to South Korea. If my former teacher, who appeared very healthy the last time I saw her, died so young, what hope does my mother; who has had diabetes now for almost 20 years, has some heart issues, and has had cancer kill off both her mother and her grandmother before the age of 70; have? I will be gone about two years, maybe more and the one thing I fear the most will be the phone call or email telling me she's gone. It's one of the things that really has me concerned about leaving, this fear that she'll be gone before I come back.
This certainly isn't helping the already negative feelings I'm feeling right now about everything. John's job has, at the moment, fallen through. We're still hoping that everything can be fixed but it is very possible that it will not and that John will have to seek another position which will be difficult because he no longer has any documents and he had originally planned to be leaving around the 22nd. Everything is coming up here at the last minute and therefore, there has been a TON of stress, at least for me. John never does seem to feel any stress. His last day of work for the hotel is the 7th. He's off the night of the 8th because it is a Holy Day and then that's it. He won't be working after that. The lease here ends the 31st at 11am and then we're supposed to be out of here. I don't know what to think at this point. Admittedly, it's a misunderstanding due to his stupid driving record (I swear, when we come back I am going to either learn to drive or we're going to live somewhere with public transpo so that he doesn't drive!) so hopefully it will be cleared up but at the same time...life has taught me not to be optimistic about ANYTHING. My therapist likes to say it is distorted thinking, I like to think that it is protection from the constant disappointment life gives me.
No, I will admit, I do not have much faith. Having faith, hope, optimism leaves me disappointed. Assuming that things will be the same as when I left them will end up leaving me sad and thus, it is just better to constantly prepare for the worst because it is when I don't that life hurts me. Like finding out about my teacher today. And, to be honest, this is not the first time this has happened. I was searching for another teacher not long ago, one from college when I found HIS obituary. And he wasn't much older than John! If he was even older than him, can't remember now. He had died of cancer. Hmm, maybe I better stop looking up my old teachers. I'd rather not find anymore obituaries. Bad enough that most of the ones I knew in high school have retired (may I mention that I graduated less than 10 years ago?) including all the ones who used to (nicely) pick on me? I had one of those last names that just begged to be pick on. But I knew it was all in fun too and had no problems with it. That was how it was for me, I was very close to many of my teachers and they meant a lot to me.
It's just a reminder that everything in my life is changing so much. It's true what they say, you can't go back. I've learned this time and time again: when I went back to my old elementary school, when I went back to the farm, and now even going back to La Crosse, things have changed, things are different. No wonder John doesn't stay attached to memories or to the past, it's easier for him, I suppose, to be rootless in life, to be able to pick up and just move on whereas, for someone like me with roots, being uprooted and transplanted is traumatic and causes irreparable harm. I don't really know how I can change to become someone who isn't so attached to things and places and people. Goodness knows, it's been hard enough just to give away the things I have and I still cling to things that are important to me. I have two stuffed toys that are close to 20 years old. One of them is over 20 years old, a little pink mouse that I got just after our house burned to the ground. Another is a little stuffed dog that I got for my 8th birthday. I got him at my birthday party which was October 15th back in 1988, almost 20 years ago.
It seems almost appropriate that all of these feelings are coming up to be dealt with now, with my 28th birthday coming up on the 11th. For some reason, the birthday blues seem to come more frequently now. I had felt that turning 27 was this HUGE milestone and for some reason could never really think BEYOND the age of 27, almost like I wasn't going to live to see 28. I don't know. Now, turning 28 seems even worse! With 28, I'm now thinking about being 30 and for some reason, turning 30 really scares me. Very odd. I can remember how I could NOT WAIT to turn 18, that 18 seemed to be a turning point in my life, a good one. And then 21 was another big step forward but one that was anticipated. How did it get from that to dreading 28 seven years later? And when you consider that John is a full 16 years older, it's a wonder I don't freak out about those ages but I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that he does not appear very old at all. Most people are VERY surprised to hear he's over 30. Great. I wonder if that means that someday he'll look YOUNGER than me. I hope not. Because that would just be SO WRONG.
*sigh* The weather, I must say, definitely is not helping my mood. Maybe I should play Carpenter's "Rainy Days and Mondays Always Get Me Down".
Well, better get some more coffee down and then it's off to do laundry. We have a good 4 or 5 loads to do today and then hopefully I'll get some time in later to do some scrapbooking. I haven't done any in a LOOOOOONG time.
Hopefully things will turn around soon. I don't think I'll have enough chocolate on hand (or alcohol for that matter) if they don't.
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