...as today, I bought a round trip ticket going to and from the US. I leave for Wisconsin November 8th and will return here December 9th. I will be going alone as I am staying with my best friend at her new apartment/townhouse/condo. Way back when we first started planning, John promised that if I needed it, he would make sure the money was there for me to go home. Fortunately, he has followed through, though to be honest, I'm actually using the tax return money from back in March that's been in my account but he will be putting more money into the account too. I've been needing this, to be honest. Living here has had its perks (like actually having money for once) but at the same time, it's not home. I do tend to feel lost in a sea of people who speak a language that is not mine, lost in smells that still have not become familiar to me, and just in general, adrift from all I am familiar with. Even a simple thing like the mail has become incredibly complicated and I still have two packages that I suspect I am never going to see because of one stupid blasted error which would not have been made if addresses here had any sort of consistency to them! Anyway, there have been some good days and many bad and the lack of support here has been really hard (many foreigners here are just not helpful and, in fact, tend to be quite rude, to be honest) and a month back home where I can shop for the things I need and actually have the money to do so may be just the thing to help me get through the next year or so we may end up here.
Not that I spend the days moping and stuff like that (though I have my moments). There's a ton to see and do here and public transportation is great at getting you just about wherever you need to go in the Seoul Metro area. It's a great place to visit; it's a great place to work for a year or two, do fun things you wouldn't have the money to do at home, and buy some neat souvenirs. But living here for more than that after being used to the standard of living in the US that most are used to, that's not for everyone. For sure, it's not for me. And I think, if John really thought about it, he would realize it's not for him either. The man would just about starve to death if he had to live here indefinitely because the food that's available here compared to what's available at home is just not as varied and considering John's religious beliefs leaves out pork and seafood, right there that takes away a good amount of what he would be able to eat here (and Natalie as well, not that she eats any meat). Space is also hard to come by. Apartments are SMALL. There's a reason I changed my blog to the name it has now. There are three rooms here and by that, I don't mean bedrooms. The largest is the kitchen, then there's the bedroom, and the bathroom is the smallest room of all. For three people, things get awfully cramped and tempers can easily flare. I don't do well cooped up in a small place (last time I really had to do that was the summer I spent with my mom, brother, and little sister in a 10 foot pop up camper after our house burned down). I like having my own space. I like having a place to put everything. I don't have that here and that's VERY hard on me. As hard as those are, I think the biggest challenge is the lack of support. The recruiter hires you for the job. Your ticket may/may not be paid for by the school. You fly in. You're picked up by the school and taken to your apartment and that's IT. No one helps you figure out how to work your washer or your heat. No one tells you where the best place to get pizza is. No one tells you how the MAIL works. No one tells you how you can find any number of items you may need. You have to figure that out yourself in a country that has an entirely different alphabet than any English speaking country (and a mailing system that really makes no bloody sense whatsoever!). If that's not enough to cause a severe case of homesickness, I don't know what is.
John gets by pretty well, he dealt with the Korean language back when he was in the army. I managed to figure out the beginning character for Gray's Anatomy and that's about it. I'm literally pushing buttons on things to figure out how they work. I can't read half of the text messages I get on my cell phone and there are days that the whole experience is very overwhelming. Languages are not my forte as it is and Korean has been very difficult for me to figure out. Most languages you learn in school come easy enough because you at least know the alphabet. With Korean, you have to learn the alphabet and THEN learn the words.
Unfortunately, it doesn't really improve much from there. You are pretty much left alone to your own devices. Now, for some, it's easy to meet other people and get by that way. But that doesn't work for everyone. There are groups online but anything that would set you apart at home definitely sets you apart here. So the fact that John and I are here with our daughter, having the religious beliefs we have, and having the parenting beliefs we have really sets us apart from everyone else. The not vaccinating especially really tends to irk a lot of the foreigners here for some strange reason and asking about getting healthcare with a doctor who is okay with not vaccinating, in some groups, is akin to admitting that you've committed mass murder. The sad thing is, many of those people probably think you HAVE committed mass murder by not vaccinating, that's how dearly some people hold onto those so-called truths of the CDC. And religion...I don't even want to get into religion, it's too big of a subject to even begin to tackle. But if the parenting beliefs don't scare people off, the religious beliefs do. I haven't done too badly finding friends in this area, so long as I stick to finding friends for myself. Finding friends for Natalie since we left Ilsan has been very, very difficult. I have no doubt she's lonely and could use a playmate. Korean children look at her like she's an exibit at the zoo (no, I'm not joking, they really do, they'll even point and stare at her) and the few non-Korean children I've seen I just haven't been able to strike up much of a friendship with their parentals.
So that's been the struggle and after being here 7 months now, I'm feeling kind of overwhelmed and a little homesick. If things had gone the way they should have and John had been on top of things like he should have, we would have all at least gone home for the Feast of Tabernacles but he didn't and we didn't and I can't wait until next year. I need some time to go home and take care of things and spend time with my friends and take a much needed mental rest before I lose it. I'm already starting to feel the strain of living here (especially after the four months I had before I left for Korea) and I need that time to go and embrace all those things I once took for granted in the US (ovens, dryers, Reese's peanut butter cups, REAL COFFEE). Hopefully, after that month, I'll be able to come back and deal with what's here for awhile without going too crazy. At least I'll know what to expect when I do come back.
