I want to quit this SAHM gig.

I'm tired of it. I'm tired of feeling like I can't get anywhere. I'm tired of the lack of appreciation, the lack of listening, the lack of help. It's a thankless job that never pays. I talk to people who have gone back to school and I miss it. I wish I could go back but stupid student loans being in default prevent that right now. I know that many feel it is important for the mom to stay at home with her young children because children need that influence. Well, if I hate being at home so much that I'm miserable and snapping and yelling at my kids, are they REALLY benefiting from my staying at home? Are they REALLY benefiting if I'm so resentful that I start to HATE my children and resent their very existence because it keeps me from personal growth that I NEED? Was this not what women in the 60's fighting against, this idea that women HAD to stay home? I'm not good at it. No matter what I do, the house looks trashed 24 hours a day. No matter what I do, I can't keep up with the laundry. And we're always broke. And I just can't do this anymore. I can't keep doing something I really do not enjoy doing. I oftentimes feel that I do this ONLY because of the pressure that's out there by other moms, by my own HUSBAND. Yeah, we agreed at one time that I would stay at home with the kids. We had agreed that that was best. But it's not just that anymore. It's that I stay home and do almost everything. I stay home with the kids; I homeschool even though I truly do not know what the hell I'm doing; I do the laundry; I do the shopping; I do the cleaning and most of the cooking and I just cannot do it anymore. It would be one thing if I got something for it but I don't even get any appreciation. I get a lot of crap and I'm fed up and tired of it. I'm so tired of it at times that I don't even want to be here anymore. I'm so tired of it I actually want to runaway sometimes and be on my own. YES, there are days I would rather live by myself than have a family because I am putting SO much work into it and getting NOTHING back. And I just can't do it anymore. I need to find a job and I need to not be here all the time anymore because I just can't do it anymore.