Emmah Anastasia Faith A-----

was born sleeping on July 14, 2007 at 8:12 pm. She was 2 lbs, 11 oz and 14 and 3/4 inches long. So far, there's no apparent cause for the death. Tests are still being run and an autopsy will be performed. There's a 50% chance that they will not be able to find out why. All I can say though is that it was the most heartbreaking thing I've ever seen. It went much faster than she expected. Because of the baby's size, she only needed to get to 5 or 6 cm and I'm not even sure she made it that far. The really painful part of the labor went so fast that she was never even able to get the morphine. By the time the nurse came back with it, it was time and it went really fast; she pushed once and the baby came out with help from the resident doctor and the mid-wife. And of course, the worst part was when Vannessa saw the baby after they got her totally out. She was just completely purple and definitely looked not alive. It was absolutely awful. All three of us girls just sobbed. The ironic thing is I remember the three of us at my nephew's birth and how different that all was from this. She was just so TINY and so perfect in form; everything was already in place. Her eyes were not open though so you couldn't see those but everything else, from the tiny fingers and toes to her little button nose, was perfect. She even had hair already. Her skin though is so fragile that if you weren't careful, you could tear it from her body. She was very skinny too, no fat on her at all.

I held her for a few moments and she was just so lightweight, hardly heavier than a child's doll. There was a photographer there to take pictures, courtesy of the hospital. The professional photos are free and I believe it also includes a slide show. My little sister has some pictures already on her MySpace page. That link is on my other blog. I'll be going back up for the funeral which is the 30th. She will be buried in the town my little sister and I were born, next to her great grandmother who died back in 1983. It sounds like all the details are falling in place but I'm sure it's still hard for my little sister. It's not helping that the two little ones she does have at home are fighting constantly and because her daughter is a screamer right now, someone called the cops on her!?! As if she doesn't have enough to deal with.

Things aren't going too badly here other than John being in a mood the past few days. I can't get out of him what the deal is; he says there's nothing wrong but he's definitely acting strange. I haven't been doing too badly considering other than feeling like I'm not doing enough for my little sister. There really isn't anything I can do but I didn't stick around La Crosse very long after the birth. By the time it was all over with, I was physically exhausted from lack of sleep and just not really able to do anything for her. It was a sense of helplessness that was very hard for me to deal with. Living so far away does not make it any easier.