I'm getting pretty sick of it too. The reason we're moving is pretty stupid to be honest. Because we said that we were interested in getting a bigger place, the director immediately put the apartment we're in now up for sale. Well, we had found something we wanted but did not want to put almost $4000 down for it, even if we did get it back, things were kind of dicey with the director anyway as far as being paid on time. SO... this place got sold and the director had to get another place so now we're moving tomorrow. We were told Monday. We're moving just across the street and down the block a little so a little farther from some things but closer to others, we'll have to see how that all works. One of the frustrating things is to get to the area I enjoy going to most of the time, I'll now have to cross the really busy street which I didn't have to before. We only had to cross it to go to the store. Now, we won't have to cross it for that but we will to get everywhere else I enjoyed going to before. *sigh*
If only this were to be the last move, it wouldn't be so frustrating but ultimately, we are going to have to move again and it may even end up being in another city altogether. The director has more or less told John that he plans to replace him and from what John has understood it will be with a female teacher. He would have to find the teacher first but I guess, when the school is as iffy as this one, what parents say go and most parents just are not into a male kindergarten teacher. And that was all that was said, the director does recognize that John does want to teach, actually teach, not babysit though which unfortunately is a lot of what kindergarten here is at least in the ESL schools, especially the private ones. I am very quickly becoming frustrated and tired of the whole deal. It seems the situation is worse here than it was at home but John doesn't seem to think so and is bound and determined to see this through for one reason or another even though I'm not entirely happy with the situation (and at times downright ANGRY with him about it) and Natalie is, in her own way, reacting negatively as well. He's bound and determine to make money and save it but I'm the one who has to be on top of it to make sure he doesn't spend it all! Otherwise, it would all be gone. He has NO concept of a budget whatsoever and that's really frustrating too.
So, I really don't know what is going to happen in the next few months much less two years. I keep hearing that once he finds a good job then things will be much better but a lot of directors, especially those of hagwons (the private schools here) for whatever reason seem to think that foreign teachers are a dime a dozen. They're not though, they cost a considerable amount of money to get and to keep (since things like paying on time is a concept lost on many people here).
So, that's been my world of late. I just hope that when all of this is done and over with (and it will be at some point because there is just NO way for John to make a career out of this whatsoever), he'll be ready to go home and SETTLE DOWN for awhile! Sometimes I think he should have stayed in the army when he was in there because that would have totally met his need to roam, I'm sure they would have been VERY happy to send him all over the place and at least with the military, you can get stuff shipped to you pretty much like normal. But maybe he just needs a couple of years to get this out of his system and after that, he'll be done with it. At the very least, I have decided that when we go back, I will be going back to work. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy staying at home with Natalie and I enjoy spending time with her and all of that but I'm tired of depending on other people for survival. I hate that here, John is the only one who can work. I can't. I don't have my four year degree. That is required to teach ESL. And I hate that there really isn't much I can do here. I can't bake, I can't do the usual jewelry stuff, or my scrapbook, or really anything more than the laundry, keep the apartment clean which doesn't take very much as small as it is (I mean, it's only one room), and cook which is also very limited because we really only have the stove to do that. I can grocery shop and go window shopping and sometimes do some actual shopping when I have some money but nothing REALLY challenging these days.
I would love to learn to sew, learn to do some gardening, things like that but I've just finally come to the conclusion that I'm really getting to be too old to be depending on someone who, job-wise, just isn't all that dependable, no matter where we are at. He's just not. I want to go back to work and learn to drive and actually be able to be a little more independent so that maybe I won't feel so much frustration in my life, at the very least, frustration towards John. He's always been better with the domestic stuff anyway and his standard of clean has always been higher than mine (product of living with a mother who really didn't care to clean and has has kept houses so filthy, they've become mouse-infested, one house was even condemned and torn down after we lived in it) not that mine is THAT bad but it's not as high as his, I can tolerate some mess, he can't tolerate much at all though ironically enough, he has no problem with his clothes being all over the place.
But really, there are times I wonder if I'll ever be able to make a home for us all. Since we moved out of our house on West Avenue when I was 17 (that was the one that was torn down), I have not lived in anyplace for more than two years. Not one place. We moved out of there spring of 1998 so it's been 11 years now. And the longest I've lived in a place has been seven and a half years and that was the first place I lived from birth until the house burned down May of 1988. That year wasn't fun either, we spent most of that summer in a 10 foot pop-up camper so I suppose things could be worse but still, not having a permanent home isn't fun either. There's no stability for Natalie, no place she can really call home, things change frequently for her and it's no wonder that she struggles at times, she really has no idea what is going to happen next. Tomorrow, we're going to be in a new apartment which means getting everything settled in again for her and getting her adjusted and eventually, we probably will end up moving again, maybe even to another city and she's at an age where she just doesn't really understand why and I start to wonder how that's fair for her because really, it isn't.
When I originally decided to let John have his way about the whole thing, my idea was that we would go from the apartment in Beaver Dam to the apartment provided by the school and stay there for two years, then come home. It NEVER crossed my mind that we would end up going from the apartment to one sister's house, from there to the other sister's apartment, from there to here, from here to another apartment and another. It just never crossed my mind at all that we would end up moving four times in just over six months and really, if I had known that, I never would have agreed to this because this is the kind of thing that messes kids up. When we finally do go back home, it will be with the intention of staying in ONE place for not just two years but AT LEAST 4-5 years. Much of that though, will be determined by how long we stay here which is partly determined by whether or not John can behave himself and not get me pregnant. We had a VERY VERY close call this month and I have decided that if I become pregnant, we do not stay here. I will not have a baby here. I have decided that for sure. I have no desire at this point to have another child so there's no plan to get pregnant to make us go home. I'm not stupid, I know things up very up in the air there and that we really are not in any shape to go home yet. We could be though, if we really got things together and John found a job he can actually keep for more than three or four months, we could send a decent amount home and save up what we need in a year or two. That is not impossible at all. But right now, there is just a lot that's up in the air and to be honest, I really cannot do this moving thing too many more times. At some point, I will expect him to face reality. Living out of suitcases is not my idea of fun and there's only so much time I'm going to put up with that.
But at the moment, he hasn't even gotten any written notice or anything like that and legally, the director HAS to give him a WRITTEN 30 day notice. So that gives us a little time anyway.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Another really good article concerning body shape and mortality.
Does it really matter how your numbers measure up? Or can you ditch the tape measure?
And thank you Sara for your comment, you made some good points. One of the big concerns though is that what is healthy to eat/not healthy to eat is even under debate. Weston Price provides some good information, especially as far as how some fats (animal fats especially) CAN be good for us. The concern though is that many people (ESPECIALLY those trying to lose weight) go after things like margarine, having been told butter is bad. But it's actually the opposite, margarine has so much extra stuff, stuff that our bodies don't need at all. Butter is actually healthier in that regard but yeah, you want to eat a tub a day of the stuff (not sure how one COULD!). And being in shape is definitely important which is what I'm trying to work on now. It's a little easier now that we don't have a car and we have to walk everywhere but I have a ways to go. Large flights of stairs still tend to wind me a little and I'm nowhere near being able to run the five miles hubby can run. lolInterestingly enough, my husband happened to mention that he will GAIN weight with a lot of exercise, I'm guessing if he were to really start to work out, not just run. My nephew's dad didn't gain weight until he started lifting weights and my nephew is skinny as a rail right now and that has been with a diet that has NEVER had veggies but has mostly been chicken nuggets and french fries from Mc Donald's, then moved on to Ramen noodles, pizza, and mac and cheese. The kid has never eaten healthy in his LIFE (well, except for the nine months he was breastfed lol)! He has to wear women's pants because he's so darn skinny. Oh and he does NOT exercise. Never had, never will. He also drinks, smokes, and has done drugs. Definitely NOT a healthy person. But no one will care what HE eats, he fits into society's views of how a person should look.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Interesting...
Shortly after my rant about the things I've been told about my daughter and her future weight issues, this blog entry came out:
WOW. Again, people need to have a NORMAL relationship with food, not an obsession for or against it. And some people seriously need to get over their fat phobias before they screw up their kids! And by fat phobia, people who, in my opinion, think no differently than those with anorexia or bullemia but instead of seeing it on themselves, see it on other people, as in, no one else is skinny enough for them. In other words, people who make comments about my HUSBAND being overweight when he weighs less than 130 lbs because it's not all pure muscle. SICK! These kinds of people need MAJOR THERAPY!
Death threats to children — the government’s idea of public health messages
Here's the part that REALLY gets to me:Parents report their children have been left terrified of food. One mother told the Telegraph that her daughter had became very upset about dying when her dad served her cereal with sugar on it and that children are being “brainwashed” by exaggerated messages about healthy eating promoted in schools.
WOW. Again, people need to have a NORMAL relationship with food, not an obsession for or against it. And some people seriously need to get over their fat phobias before they screw up their kids! And by fat phobia, people who, in my opinion, think no differently than those with anorexia or bullemia but instead of seeing it on themselves, see it on other people, as in, no one else is skinny enough for them. In other words, people who make comments about my HUSBAND being overweight when he weighs less than 130 lbs because it's not all pure muscle. SICK! These kinds of people need MAJOR THERAPY!
Friday, April 17, 2009
Well, we've been here over a month now...
...and there are definitely some good days and bad days. The good days are when we go out and about and find something that I didn't expect at all to find (like Dr. Bonner's castile soaps) and the bad days are when I look ALL over and can't find one decent toy store around here to find something OTHER than character toys for Natalie or worse, can't find something that should be simple to find like a pail and shovel. The good days make living here bearable while the bad days have me thinking of buying a plane ticket. *sigh* But naturally, a month doesn't even come close to getting one used to new surroundings so I stick on, hoping that this will come to feel like home for me at some point, or at the very least, a sense of what I missed my years in college deciding to stick to a local university rather than head out of state/abroad as I had once planned. Fact is, there was a time where I had considered going and spending a year overseas for college. Admittedly, it wouldn't have been Korea but still, it would have been quite a culture shock and not something I would have been able to do on my own (though I'm sure, if I HAD gone oversears for school, John would have found a way to come with).
One of the big struggles has been the apartment. We're in a studio apartment which is really not all that big and has only one actual bed (that's firmer than anything I've been on in the states, though I must admit, I think it's been broken in a little now). Natalie sleeps on a mat like thing on the floor which, oddly enough, seems to work for her, she definitely likes it better than the couch with the mat on that. Unfortunately, she usually does not go to bed unless at least one of us is also in bed, usually John because he has to get up the next day and I tend to suffer from bouts of insomnia here and there. Even then, it's not easy to get her to go to sleep and therefore, we tend to find her awake as late as 1 in the morning. Fortunately for me, she also usually doesn't wake up before 10 or 11 on the morning following that late of an evening. I have no doubt that having a room to actually put her in would help her go to sleep sooner at night but at the moment, it doesn't look like that is going to happen. While we were able to check out a few apartments around here and found one that would work right in the building we're currently in, in order to move into that apartment, we would need a deposit of around 5 million won which is over $3700 US money. That's not something we have right now and although we would get it back, it's still a lot of money to put down at once, especially when John's last payment from the director was late.
Which brings us to our next issue, budgeting. Normally, John gets paid once a month but already, he's been paid late. This last time wasn't too bad but we talked to the other foreign teacher and she told us that it's normal for this director to be as much as 1 MONTH late. This would not be good AT ALL! So, at the moment, we're seeing what happens next month as there are a couple of other things we're sort of keeping on eye on, things that would end up affecting how long we are here. At the moment though, I think we can be pretty confident in John's job security. While the one foreign teacher is being replaced, it is because her contract has ended. The director here honestly cannot afford to lose any foreign teachers at all because if he does, he'll end up having to shut down the school. He had run into all kinds of issues, I guess, because a teacher had to leave for home suddenly. Parents started pulling their kids out. And this is the reason why working for a private school in Korea tends to be so iffy to begin with. It is the PARENTS who determine the teachers basically. If they don't like the teacher, they WILL pull their kids out and that does NOT help the school at all. Any why a parent might not like a teacher is anyone's guess. In John's case at the last job, it could have easily been something as simple as he was a male. Some parents prefer female teachers to male teachers. Still, it's not quite so simple to get a teacher over here as it was. Changes in the process and requirements (including background checks, physical examinations, etc) have made it a little more time consuming than before. And that is time that a director cannot afford to NOT have a teacher in place.
So that's something, at least. It's not like before where if something goes wrong, John would be fired instantly and sent home with no job. Here, he would get at least a month's notice which gives him some time to find another job. Now hopefully, that won't be happening anytime soon because with a job change comes visa and immigration changes and more paperwork and other issues as well and that's not only time consuming but also expensive! As it is, at some point, we will have to start making plans to get visas for me and Natalie. We have until June 10th to do so as we're currently here on a 90 day pass. Once we get a visa, we can be here for a full year and by that point, we will probably have a little money set aside to take a brief excursion out of the country. Hard to say, we'll have to see.
At the moment though, there's a lot to figure out and plan. With the weather being so in-between winter and spring, I ended up bringing many things here that I no longer need and leaving things there that I probably could use now, especially with the weather warming up close to summertime temperature for Wisconsin. Natalie at least has short-sleeved shirts here but she also has mostly pants and jeans. Her shorts are still in the locker at home. I at least brought the pair of gauchos I'm very fond of but I could probably use my summer items before too long as well. John already brought his summer stuff which really isn't much different from his winter stuff with the exception of three pairs of jean shorts that I got for him from someone on Freecycle last year. Fortunately, summer items fit a little better on Natalie than winter items. I don't have to worry about length so she can wear shorts from 24 months up to 4T and she has plenty of tops of various sizes. I'm still finding clothing sizes to be baffling though, especially jeans. I managed to grab a couple of pairs of 3T jeans from Old Navy before we left the states and they fit. In fact, they're almost too big around and I have to use the waist adjusters on them to keep them from falling off. Before that, I had found some of Natalie's 3T jeans to be a little snug. I don't understand it at all. She did hit a little bit of a growth spurt, sometime between late January and a week ago, when I finally measured her height for the first time in months. She's up to 37 3/8 inches which is almost an inch more from the last time I measured her.
Still, I am rather perturbed to have heard that my lamenting about Natalie's changes in clothing size was due to her being fat! What in the world! I got QUITE the lecture from a family friend shortly before our departure and told that Natalie's weight issues at such a young age are CLEARLY my fault because of the examples she gotten from me and how I eat and that she will have weight struggles her whole life because of it. Um, EXCUSE ME?! FIRST OF ALL, I NEVER lamented on here that my daughter was fat (why EVER in the world would I do that?!), I was lamenting that my daughter, for WHATEVER REASON, had grown out of her clothes. I had the same issues when she shot up an inch back in November and grew out of all of her 2T stuff! And the reason for this is very simple. I knew I was leaving the states, I knew I was going to have issues figuring out the sizes here in Korea (and oh boy has THAT been a challenge!). I had spent a fair amount of money buying clothes for her from rummage sales and eBay and whatnot when I had the chance to. I knew I wasn't going to have time to get money back for those clothes. I also knew that it was past the time for rummage sales so I couldn't look to those for clothes and my change in location meant I really couldn't look to Freecycle either (though I actually prefer NON-stained clothes which one usually doesn't find on Freecycle). I don't have half a dozen other kids and their hand-me-downs to get clothes from either. So yeah, I was kind of annoyed and especially annoyed that I had to keep going through clothes and packing and repacking the luggage because she kept growing. That NEVER meant she was fat though or that I even THOUGHT she was fat! Yes, some of her jeans were snug around her belly, that's where I buttoned them! She did fill out a little bit over the winter, SO WHAT? So does John! He gains a little tummy over the winter (probably to SURVIVE the cold because he's so blasted skinny) and then when it warms up, it goes away, especially if he starts running and then I have to figure out how I can fatten him up enough to keep his pants ON! He already had to cut off part of his belt today so that it would fit him as he's probably down an inch or two around the waist.
I'm just getting SO annoyed with all of this though. I'm told Natalie is going to be fat because of how I eat or because she's gotten the ocassional treat. I'm told Natalie is going to rebel and eat pork because John and I won't let her have any or she's going to rebel and go on an eating binge because we don't let her eat a daily diet of ramen noodles or let her have soda or a lot of other stuff some parents give to their kids all the time. Natalie is THREE. Why the bloody blazes are people worried about her weight ALREADY?! She is at a perfectly acceptable weight for her age. When I look at 3T stuff for her, she's in the height and weight range for that size. She has NEVER EVER been off of the chart for her weight. She does NOT look overweight. Looks are deceptive though because she's a VERY solid girl. She DID inherit my bone structure and I have ALWAYS been heavier than I looked. Even in pictures where people have commented that I was SKINNY (around a size 10), I probably still weighed more than my husband does now (he currently weighs around 128-130 pounds). I was never a waif though. I have always been broad-shouldered and big hipped and just a little wider than a lot of people (and by that, I don't mean overweight, I mean built wider). That's just how it is with my body type. Natalie will probably be the same way and Natalie also will probably not have the trouble to GAIN weight her father had (and still does, the little snot). He didn't hit 100 lbs until he was in 10th grade. I'm pretty sure I was close or over 100 lbs by fourth. And yet, I did not look fat.
I don't deny that I struggle with my weight and I don't want Natalie to struggle with hers. BUT, at the same time, I want her to have a HEALTHY relationship with food. No, I don't want her to comfort herself with food or eat junk food all the time because it tastes good or to go on overeating binges in general. I also don't want her throwing up her food or not eating at all simply to lose weight. That's not healthy either and in fact, that's more likely to kill you than being overweight. For MANY reasons, I did not have a healthy relationship with food. I have no doubt that a lot of it was due to the issues within my own childhood and I'm hoping that that will be one thing Natalie does NOT have to deal with. She won't have to eat food for love as I did or eat food to fill in that hole that needed to be filled for SO LONG. I'm hoping she won't have to eat for stress but will find other ways to deal with it like talking to her parents or to friends. I hope as she gets older, she'll have support to continue to be active and a place to do so and not told she has to stay inside because it's too dangerous to go out on her own. I hope that being active becomes second nature to her like it is to her dad so that she doesn't have to relearn to enjoy being active at almost 30. I hope veggies and other different foods become something she tries on a daily basis...but not octupus, there's something HORRIBLY wrong with eating something that's STILL ALIVE and STILL has the little suction thingies *shudders*. And mainly, I hope she finds balance and accepts and LOVES HERSELF. Because you know, that's the hardest thing of all.
These pictures were taken about three weeks ago. The last thing Natalie is is fat. And anyone who says otherwise needs to be smacked upside the head.
One of the big struggles has been the apartment. We're in a studio apartment which is really not all that big and has only one actual bed (that's firmer than anything I've been on in the states, though I must admit, I think it's been broken in a little now). Natalie sleeps on a mat like thing on the floor which, oddly enough, seems to work for her, she definitely likes it better than the couch with the mat on that. Unfortunately, she usually does not go to bed unless at least one of us is also in bed, usually John because he has to get up the next day and I tend to suffer from bouts of insomnia here and there. Even then, it's not easy to get her to go to sleep and therefore, we tend to find her awake as late as 1 in the morning. Fortunately for me, she also usually doesn't wake up before 10 or 11 on the morning following that late of an evening. I have no doubt that having a room to actually put her in would help her go to sleep sooner at night but at the moment, it doesn't look like that is going to happen. While we were able to check out a few apartments around here and found one that would work right in the building we're currently in, in order to move into that apartment, we would need a deposit of around 5 million won which is over $3700 US money. That's not something we have right now and although we would get it back, it's still a lot of money to put down at once, especially when John's last payment from the director was late.
Which brings us to our next issue, budgeting. Normally, John gets paid once a month but already, he's been paid late. This last time wasn't too bad but we talked to the other foreign teacher and she told us that it's normal for this director to be as much as 1 MONTH late. This would not be good AT ALL! So, at the moment, we're seeing what happens next month as there are a couple of other things we're sort of keeping on eye on, things that would end up affecting how long we are here. At the moment though, I think we can be pretty confident in John's job security. While the one foreign teacher is being replaced, it is because her contract has ended. The director here honestly cannot afford to lose any foreign teachers at all because if he does, he'll end up having to shut down the school. He had run into all kinds of issues, I guess, because a teacher had to leave for home suddenly. Parents started pulling their kids out. And this is the reason why working for a private school in Korea tends to be so iffy to begin with. It is the PARENTS who determine the teachers basically. If they don't like the teacher, they WILL pull their kids out and that does NOT help the school at all. Any why a parent might not like a teacher is anyone's guess. In John's case at the last job, it could have easily been something as simple as he was a male. Some parents prefer female teachers to male teachers. Still, it's not quite so simple to get a teacher over here as it was. Changes in the process and requirements (including background checks, physical examinations, etc) have made it a little more time consuming than before. And that is time that a director cannot afford to NOT have a teacher in place.
So that's something, at least. It's not like before where if something goes wrong, John would be fired instantly and sent home with no job. Here, he would get at least a month's notice which gives him some time to find another job. Now hopefully, that won't be happening anytime soon because with a job change comes visa and immigration changes and more paperwork and other issues as well and that's not only time consuming but also expensive! As it is, at some point, we will have to start making plans to get visas for me and Natalie. We have until June 10th to do so as we're currently here on a 90 day pass. Once we get a visa, we can be here for a full year and by that point, we will probably have a little money set aside to take a brief excursion out of the country. Hard to say, we'll have to see.
At the moment though, there's a lot to figure out and plan. With the weather being so in-between winter and spring, I ended up bringing many things here that I no longer need and leaving things there that I probably could use now, especially with the weather warming up close to summertime temperature for Wisconsin. Natalie at least has short-sleeved shirts here but she also has mostly pants and jeans. Her shorts are still in the locker at home. I at least brought the pair of gauchos I'm very fond of but I could probably use my summer items before too long as well. John already brought his summer stuff which really isn't much different from his winter stuff with the exception of three pairs of jean shorts that I got for him from someone on Freecycle last year. Fortunately, summer items fit a little better on Natalie than winter items. I don't have to worry about length so she can wear shorts from 24 months up to 4T and she has plenty of tops of various sizes. I'm still finding clothing sizes to be baffling though, especially jeans. I managed to grab a couple of pairs of 3T jeans from Old Navy before we left the states and they fit. In fact, they're almost too big around and I have to use the waist adjusters on them to keep them from falling off. Before that, I had found some of Natalie's 3T jeans to be a little snug. I don't understand it at all. She did hit a little bit of a growth spurt, sometime between late January and a week ago, when I finally measured her height for the first time in months. She's up to 37 3/8 inches which is almost an inch more from the last time I measured her.
Still, I am rather perturbed to have heard that my lamenting about Natalie's changes in clothing size was due to her being fat! What in the world! I got QUITE the lecture from a family friend shortly before our departure and told that Natalie's weight issues at such a young age are CLEARLY my fault because of the examples she gotten from me and how I eat and that she will have weight struggles her whole life because of it. Um, EXCUSE ME?! FIRST OF ALL, I NEVER lamented on here that my daughter was fat (why EVER in the world would I do that?!), I was lamenting that my daughter, for WHATEVER REASON, had grown out of her clothes. I had the same issues when she shot up an inch back in November and grew out of all of her 2T stuff! And the reason for this is very simple. I knew I was leaving the states, I knew I was going to have issues figuring out the sizes here in Korea (and oh boy has THAT been a challenge!). I had spent a fair amount of money buying clothes for her from rummage sales and eBay and whatnot when I had the chance to. I knew I wasn't going to have time to get money back for those clothes. I also knew that it was past the time for rummage sales so I couldn't look to those for clothes and my change in location meant I really couldn't look to Freecycle either (though I actually prefer NON-stained clothes which one usually doesn't find on Freecycle). I don't have half a dozen other kids and their hand-me-downs to get clothes from either. So yeah, I was kind of annoyed and especially annoyed that I had to keep going through clothes and packing and repacking the luggage because she kept growing. That NEVER meant she was fat though or that I even THOUGHT she was fat! Yes, some of her jeans were snug around her belly, that's where I buttoned them! She did fill out a little bit over the winter, SO WHAT? So does John! He gains a little tummy over the winter (probably to SURVIVE the cold because he's so blasted skinny) and then when it warms up, it goes away, especially if he starts running and then I have to figure out how I can fatten him up enough to keep his pants ON! He already had to cut off part of his belt today so that it would fit him as he's probably down an inch or two around the waist.
I'm just getting SO annoyed with all of this though. I'm told Natalie is going to be fat because of how I eat or because she's gotten the ocassional treat. I'm told Natalie is going to rebel and eat pork because John and I won't let her have any or she's going to rebel and go on an eating binge because we don't let her eat a daily diet of ramen noodles or let her have soda or a lot of other stuff some parents give to their kids all the time. Natalie is THREE. Why the bloody blazes are people worried about her weight ALREADY?! She is at a perfectly acceptable weight for her age. When I look at 3T stuff for her, she's in the height and weight range for that size. She has NEVER EVER been off of the chart for her weight. She does NOT look overweight. Looks are deceptive though because she's a VERY solid girl. She DID inherit my bone structure and I have ALWAYS been heavier than I looked. Even in pictures where people have commented that I was SKINNY (around a size 10), I probably still weighed more than my husband does now (he currently weighs around 128-130 pounds). I was never a waif though. I have always been broad-shouldered and big hipped and just a little wider than a lot of people (and by that, I don't mean overweight, I mean built wider). That's just how it is with my body type. Natalie will probably be the same way and Natalie also will probably not have the trouble to GAIN weight her father had (and still does, the little snot). He didn't hit 100 lbs until he was in 10th grade. I'm pretty sure I was close or over 100 lbs by fourth. And yet, I did not look fat.
I don't deny that I struggle with my weight and I don't want Natalie to struggle with hers. BUT, at the same time, I want her to have a HEALTHY relationship with food. No, I don't want her to comfort herself with food or eat junk food all the time because it tastes good or to go on overeating binges in general. I also don't want her throwing up her food or not eating at all simply to lose weight. That's not healthy either and in fact, that's more likely to kill you than being overweight. For MANY reasons, I did not have a healthy relationship with food. I have no doubt that a lot of it was due to the issues within my own childhood and I'm hoping that that will be one thing Natalie does NOT have to deal with. She won't have to eat food for love as I did or eat food to fill in that hole that needed to be filled for SO LONG. I'm hoping she won't have to eat for stress but will find other ways to deal with it like talking to her parents or to friends. I hope as she gets older, she'll have support to continue to be active and a place to do so and not told she has to stay inside because it's too dangerous to go out on her own. I hope that being active becomes second nature to her like it is to her dad so that she doesn't have to relearn to enjoy being active at almost 30. I hope veggies and other different foods become something she tries on a daily basis...but not octupus, there's something HORRIBLY wrong with eating something that's STILL ALIVE and STILL has the little suction thingies *shudders*. And mainly, I hope she finds balance and accepts and LOVES HERSELF. Because you know, that's the hardest thing of all.
These pictures were taken about three weeks ago. The last thing Natalie is is fat. And anyone who says otherwise needs to be smacked upside the head.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Toto, we're not in Kansas anymore...
Eh, couldn't resist the whole Wizard of Oz quote there and yes, there is no place like home but slowly I am starting to adjust to this whole WAAAAAAAAY outside my comfort zone thing here. It's definitely a culture shock, don't get me wrong. It's NOT America. lol But the more I actually get out into it and the more I find things that ARE familiar and comforting, the better it is.
Admittedly, food is an adjustment. South Korea is a predominantly pork and seafood eating culture and those are two things that are no-no's in John's book (though seafood has never really been something I've picked up on myself, to be honest) so dinner gets tricky to figure out and probably will for awhile until we get used to a whole new way of cooking again which basically means cooking on the stove for the most part as there is no microwave here and there isn't much of an oven either as it isn't much bigger than the size of a toaster oven. It MIGHT fit a small pizza. lol
Adjusting to the whole laundry thing is interesting too. The washer is both a washer and a dryer and it takes a LOOOONG time to wash and dry clothes BUT on the plus size, they really seem to get clean though I do wonder about using the washing stuff John has here. I would prefer to use the clean and clear stuff or maybe even look into something like Charlie's like some moms I know use (especially those moms who have cloth diapered little ones).
One of the first things I had to find though was a stain treatment thing which I did find, at Costco's which was a NIGHTMARE to go into, especially on a Sunday. Yikes. Sam's Club in La Crosse and Costco's in Middleton do NOT compare AT ALL to the Costco's here. Here it is PACKED! It is INSANELY packed! And there are these escalator like things all over and that is how people get from one floor to another. Note: I hate, despise, LOATHE escalators. I'm terrified of them. Don't ask me why, I just am. I hate them and I try to avoid them whenever possible. I hate getting on them; I hate being on them, and I hate getting off of them. *shudder* I will, nine times out of ten, take the STAIRS over an escalator and would have last week if I hadn't walked SO much and was SO tired and my legs were just screaming at me for making them walk more in the last few days than they had walked the last four months before that. The ones at Costco's were a little easier to deal with, they were more like an inclined moving sidewalk (yes, I hate those too) so that wasn't AS BAD but still, I do NOT LIKE ESCALATORS. Therefore, between that and the overall crowded condition of the place, I do not plan to go there again anytime soon. I'll probably send John by himself instead. Yes, I'm mean. Then again, the plan in all honesty is to just go once a month to get those things we need to get that we just cannot get around here and those things that are in bulk that will therefore hopefully last at least half, if not a full month. So that's my plan. Last week, we needed something to treat stains on clothes (an absolute NECESSITY when you have a preschooler) and that was where we decided to go looking for it. Hopefully, we won't need anymore anytime soon because man, that was NOT cheap. Then again, things brought over here from the US typically are not cheap.
So yeah, I'm slowly adjusting, getting to know the surroundings and getting to know people as well. I've met up with a mom a couple of times and Natalie gets along really well with her little girl so that will be something we'll keep up with and it gives me a chance to get to know the area even better. One of the nice things about where we live is that it is in a ideal location where it's just walking distance to many place (though with the subway, just about everything is within walking distance) and as I become more comfortable with going outside with Natalie on my own, I'll be able to tour more of the places and get to know more things. Unfortunately, some of the concern is language as I can't speak Korean and my understanding of it will be next to impossible with the hearing issues I have but all I can do is try and the best way to deal with boredom is to get outside and do things. That will also help get some of this weight off too.
Not that there isn't anything to do indoors. True, the apartment is small. It is a studio and therefore, it is just one room. But, we honestly do not have that much here. It is mostly just our clothes and some toys for Natalie and really, she doesn't need much else at this point (though I'd be willing to bet she'd LOVE to have a scooter) and storage hasn't been too bad. It would be nice to get another laundry basket or two (or at least a hamper) but other than that, we've been dealing. Not that a larger place wouldn't be nice. I mean, we are two married adults and it would be nice to be able to have intimate relations without worrying about being caught in the act by a three year old waking up to go potty. But at this point, that's about the biggest downfall of all three of us being in one room. John's gone most of the day, there are a couple of days a week I get out, and at night we all have dinner and go to bed. Natalie sleeps well when she is asleep so I could watch TV if I wanted to but there's also the option of finding things to watch online or watching one of the episodes of Star Trek Voyager as I managed to get ahold of all seven seasons of that before I left. And with the computer, I can use my headphones at least so that doesn't even disturb anyone. All in all, it hasn't been too bad so far though, I'll admit, there was a few days when I really considered just buying a plane ticket for myself and going back home but I think for the moment at least, that feeling is gone.
Admittedly, food is an adjustment. South Korea is a predominantly pork and seafood eating culture and those are two things that are no-no's in John's book (though seafood has never really been something I've picked up on myself, to be honest) so dinner gets tricky to figure out and probably will for awhile until we get used to a whole new way of cooking again which basically means cooking on the stove for the most part as there is no microwave here and there isn't much of an oven either as it isn't much bigger than the size of a toaster oven. It MIGHT fit a small pizza. lol
Adjusting to the whole laundry thing is interesting too. The washer is both a washer and a dryer and it takes a LOOOONG time to wash and dry clothes BUT on the plus size, they really seem to get clean though I do wonder about using the washing stuff John has here. I would prefer to use the clean and clear stuff or maybe even look into something like Charlie's like some moms I know use (especially those moms who have cloth diapered little ones).
One of the first things I had to find though was a stain treatment thing which I did find, at Costco's which was a NIGHTMARE to go into, especially on a Sunday. Yikes. Sam's Club in La Crosse and Costco's in Middleton do NOT compare AT ALL to the Costco's here. Here it is PACKED! It is INSANELY packed! And there are these escalator like things all over and that is how people get from one floor to another. Note: I hate, despise, LOATHE escalators. I'm terrified of them. Don't ask me why, I just am. I hate them and I try to avoid them whenever possible. I hate getting on them; I hate being on them, and I hate getting off of them. *shudder* I will, nine times out of ten, take the STAIRS over an escalator and would have last week if I hadn't walked SO much and was SO tired and my legs were just screaming at me for making them walk more in the last few days than they had walked the last four months before that. The ones at Costco's were a little easier to deal with, they were more like an inclined moving sidewalk (yes, I hate those too) so that wasn't AS BAD but still, I do NOT LIKE ESCALATORS. Therefore, between that and the overall crowded condition of the place, I do not plan to go there again anytime soon. I'll probably send John by himself instead. Yes, I'm mean. Then again, the plan in all honesty is to just go once a month to get those things we need to get that we just cannot get around here and those things that are in bulk that will therefore hopefully last at least half, if not a full month. So that's my plan. Last week, we needed something to treat stains on clothes (an absolute NECESSITY when you have a preschooler) and that was where we decided to go looking for it. Hopefully, we won't need anymore anytime soon because man, that was NOT cheap. Then again, things brought over here from the US typically are not cheap.
So yeah, I'm slowly adjusting, getting to know the surroundings and getting to know people as well. I've met up with a mom a couple of times and Natalie gets along really well with her little girl so that will be something we'll keep up with and it gives me a chance to get to know the area even better. One of the nice things about where we live is that it is in a ideal location where it's just walking distance to many place (though with the subway, just about everything is within walking distance) and as I become more comfortable with going outside with Natalie on my own, I'll be able to tour more of the places and get to know more things. Unfortunately, some of the concern is language as I can't speak Korean and my understanding of it will be next to impossible with the hearing issues I have but all I can do is try and the best way to deal with boredom is to get outside and do things. That will also help get some of this weight off too.
Not that there isn't anything to do indoors. True, the apartment is small. It is a studio and therefore, it is just one room. But, we honestly do not have that much here. It is mostly just our clothes and some toys for Natalie and really, she doesn't need much else at this point (though I'd be willing to bet she'd LOVE to have a scooter) and storage hasn't been too bad. It would be nice to get another laundry basket or two (or at least a hamper) but other than that, we've been dealing. Not that a larger place wouldn't be nice. I mean, we are two married adults and it would be nice to be able to have intimate relations without worrying about being caught in the act by a three year old waking up to go potty. But at this point, that's about the biggest downfall of all three of us being in one room. John's gone most of the day, there are a couple of days a week I get out, and at night we all have dinner and go to bed. Natalie sleeps well when she is asleep so I could watch TV if I wanted to but there's also the option of finding things to watch online or watching one of the episodes of Star Trek Voyager as I managed to get ahold of all seven seasons of that before I left. And with the computer, I can use my headphones at least so that doesn't even disturb anyone. All in all, it hasn't been too bad so far though, I'll admit, there was a few days when I really considered just buying a plane ticket for myself and going back home but I think for the moment at least, that feeling is gone.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Yes, I'm alive.
And, not only am I alive, but I have both my computer AND the internet connected! The computer took a little bit of figuring out because of the change in currents here, the plug thingies are pretty weird looking but a co-worker of John's stopped by the other night and gave me a plug that would work with my computer and with the outlet here. Woo-hoo! And internet was even easier. Thank goodness for Wi-fi; I was able to connect to that pretty quick. So I am here, in Ilsan City, South Korea, on my computer and on the internet.
I won't lie though, it's all been VERY overwhelming. It's a big city and we're near the downtown area. I'm still suffering a bit from jet leg and get tired at odd times here. Natalie does too though she's actually holding up right now which impresses me. Then again, she actually slept in a little bit today and by sleeping in, I mean she didn't wake up until 7:30 in the morning as opposed to around 6am. Since we're all sleeping in one room, this has not really helped the rest of us get any sleep and having some alone, ADULT time has also not been easy (though one good thing to that I guess is that I probably won't get pregnant anytime soon). I'm hoping that eventually she'll be able to hold off on sleeping until around 8 or 9 pm giving John and I some time to ourselves. But it does require that we get dinner done pretty soon after he gets home which requires actually knowing what we're having for dinner in advance and so far, it's been by ear each night.
The apartment is VERY small. I would be willing to bet that it is smaller than the livingroom of the last place we lived. If it's over 300 square feet, I would be surprised because I cannot imagine it being much over 10 feet by 15 feet. The bed fits both John and I at least but it's hard, just slightly softer than sleeping on the floor would be. Natalie sleeps on the couch.
Some good things though (besides being able to get online here). The water pressure here is REALLY nice, the water stays hot, and I'm able to find a lot of my favorite shows in English on the TV here. Though I will say this, watching Dora in Korean where they emphasize the English rather than the Spanish is just a little on the ironic side, to say the least. But even a lot of those shows are in English and Natalie doesn't seem to care about the ones that aren't. She was quite happy watching Thomas the Tank Engine in Korean. Commercials though, are a bit strange and I've yet to find the closed captioning though the English shows do have Korean subtitles (and usually have the actor names in Korean as well).
One of the big things to get used to is how people react to Natalie. She is a BIG TIME oddity. American children are not common here and one with blue eyes, I'm guessing, rarer still. She REALLY attracts attention. In fact, in one place we stopped at, one of the servers took out her cell phone and was trying to get pictures of her! They also come up to talk to her and to touch her which can be a little unsettling. And many people say she's pretty or has pretty eyes. We stay here too long, she's going to get a big head!
The plane ride here wasn't too bad. It was my first time on a plane and I was very nervous but it definitely could have been worse. We got to the airport early enough to get through security and all that with few issues (other than Natalie having a breakdown when she had to leave the car AND when she had to take off her coat and shoes) and got to our gate with little time to actually have to sit and wait. Getting to the gate took a little longer because I was specifically trying to avoid escalators (I HATE them with a passion). Natalie, on the flight to San Francisco was VERY excited to watch the plane go up (meanwhile my stomach was flopping around like a fish) but was out cold five minutes later. Still, once my tummy settled down, it was nice to see all of the scenary below. It was a clear day and the view was VERY nice. We flew over Illinois, Iowa, Nebraska, Colorado, Utah, and California before finally landing in San Francisco. Having only been in two of the above states, it was very different for me.
Getting to the gate in San Francisco took about an hour (again, stupid escalators and it took a while just to figure out WHERE to go) but then we had a little over an hour before boarding took place. So we took the time to sit down and relax (Natalie spent her time looking out the window). Since she slept most of the way to San Francisco, she wasn't quite willing to go back to sleep when we got on the plane again. She was up for the first four hours and was a bit of a pill too as she did NOT want to stay buckled in. There was DEFINITELY some turbulance going on too which was VERY interesting, to say the least. But fortunately, I knew what it was and I wasn't too freaked out. Still, it was over 12 hours of flying and the shades were down most of the time, not that I could see all that much anyway as just about everytime I looked outside, there were clouds below. It was light out all the way to Seoul, where we landed. The sun set just a little bit before our arrival and it didn't really get dark until after we had been there about an hour. That in itself was disorienting considering that it was light out when we first flew out of Chicago and when you consider that we didn't land in Korea until around 4am Chicago time, that was ALMOST 24 hours that we had light out which definitely didn't help my body figure out what time it was.
Landing in Seoul was very interesting. Natalie and I had to take a train (basically a subway) just to get to the baggage claim. John did NOT warn me of that at all but I guess he didn't have to do that when he flew in since he came in through Japan, not San Francisco. But we made it to the baggage claim, got all of our bags (they all arrived there safely) and after a little bit, figured out we needed to go through one more door in order to get to John. He was very happy and relieved to see both of us make it there okay.
The rest of the evening was pretty adventuresome but I'm going to take off for now, I'm getting kind of beat here. The time change has been a bit difficult to get adjusted to and I still get tired during the day.
I won't lie though, it's all been VERY overwhelming. It's a big city and we're near the downtown area. I'm still suffering a bit from jet leg and get tired at odd times here. Natalie does too though she's actually holding up right now which impresses me. Then again, she actually slept in a little bit today and by sleeping in, I mean she didn't wake up until 7:30 in the morning as opposed to around 6am. Since we're all sleeping in one room, this has not really helped the rest of us get any sleep and having some alone, ADULT time has also not been easy (though one good thing to that I guess is that I probably won't get pregnant anytime soon). I'm hoping that eventually she'll be able to hold off on sleeping until around 8 or 9 pm giving John and I some time to ourselves. But it does require that we get dinner done pretty soon after he gets home which requires actually knowing what we're having for dinner in advance and so far, it's been by ear each night.
The apartment is VERY small. I would be willing to bet that it is smaller than the livingroom of the last place we lived. If it's over 300 square feet, I would be surprised because I cannot imagine it being much over 10 feet by 15 feet. The bed fits both John and I at least but it's hard, just slightly softer than sleeping on the floor would be. Natalie sleeps on the couch.
Some good things though (besides being able to get online here). The water pressure here is REALLY nice, the water stays hot, and I'm able to find a lot of my favorite shows in English on the TV here. Though I will say this, watching Dora in Korean where they emphasize the English rather than the Spanish is just a little on the ironic side, to say the least. But even a lot of those shows are in English and Natalie doesn't seem to care about the ones that aren't. She was quite happy watching Thomas the Tank Engine in Korean. Commercials though, are a bit strange and I've yet to find the closed captioning though the English shows do have Korean subtitles (and usually have the actor names in Korean as well).
One of the big things to get used to is how people react to Natalie. She is a BIG TIME oddity. American children are not common here and one with blue eyes, I'm guessing, rarer still. She REALLY attracts attention. In fact, in one place we stopped at, one of the servers took out her cell phone and was trying to get pictures of her! They also come up to talk to her and to touch her which can be a little unsettling. And many people say she's pretty or has pretty eyes. We stay here too long, she's going to get a big head!
The plane ride here wasn't too bad. It was my first time on a plane and I was very nervous but it definitely could have been worse. We got to the airport early enough to get through security and all that with few issues (other than Natalie having a breakdown when she had to leave the car AND when she had to take off her coat and shoes) and got to our gate with little time to actually have to sit and wait. Getting to the gate took a little longer because I was specifically trying to avoid escalators (I HATE them with a passion). Natalie, on the flight to San Francisco was VERY excited to watch the plane go up (meanwhile my stomach was flopping around like a fish) but was out cold five minutes later. Still, once my tummy settled down, it was nice to see all of the scenary below. It was a clear day and the view was VERY nice. We flew over Illinois, Iowa, Nebraska, Colorado, Utah, and California before finally landing in San Francisco. Having only been in two of the above states, it was very different for me.
Getting to the gate in San Francisco took about an hour (again, stupid escalators and it took a while just to figure out WHERE to go) but then we had a little over an hour before boarding took place. So we took the time to sit down and relax (Natalie spent her time looking out the window). Since she slept most of the way to San Francisco, she wasn't quite willing to go back to sleep when we got on the plane again. She was up for the first four hours and was a bit of a pill too as she did NOT want to stay buckled in. There was DEFINITELY some turbulance going on too which was VERY interesting, to say the least. But fortunately, I knew what it was and I wasn't too freaked out. Still, it was over 12 hours of flying and the shades were down most of the time, not that I could see all that much anyway as just about everytime I looked outside, there were clouds below. It was light out all the way to Seoul, where we landed. The sun set just a little bit before our arrival and it didn't really get dark until after we had been there about an hour. That in itself was disorienting considering that it was light out when we first flew out of Chicago and when you consider that we didn't land in Korea until around 4am Chicago time, that was ALMOST 24 hours that we had light out which definitely didn't help my body figure out what time it was.
Landing in Seoul was very interesting. Natalie and I had to take a train (basically a subway) just to get to the baggage claim. John did NOT warn me of that at all but I guess he didn't have to do that when he flew in since he came in through Japan, not San Francisco. But we made it to the baggage claim, got all of our bags (they all arrived there safely) and after a little bit, figured out we needed to go through one more door in order to get to John. He was very happy and relieved to see both of us make it there okay.
The rest of the evening was pretty adventuresome but I'm going to take off for now, I'm getting kind of beat here. The time change has been a bit difficult to get adjusted to and I still get tired during the day.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Last post written in the US!
And probably the last one for a little while, at least until I get settled in. Leaving in about an hour for the airport and will then be flying out after that. Really nervous about it all and haven't been able to get much sleep. I have some HUGE butterflies in my stomach. But hopefully, it will all go well without any snags.
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