More than four years since I was last pregnant and I had forgotten all about how it felt to feel those baby kicks all the time. It's like holding on to a secret that no one else knows about. The flutters, the thumps, the kicks to the bladder that make you feel like you're going to suddenly pee your pants. As much as having this baby sometimes scares me, I can't help but feel kind of reassured by the continuous kicks I feel throughout the day. He/she has his/her quiet moments but many times I sit/lie there quietly and feel and wonder at all the movement deep within my belly. That it started earlier than it did last time is nice too. It was after my ultrasound before I really started to feel Natalie's kicks. This one, I started feeling a good 3-4 weeks earlier. I'm 19 weeks and have been feeling them daily since 17 weeks and I was feeling them before that too.
Now if only I can get this whole thing figured out about WHERE I'm going to have the baby, I probably wouldn't be feeling so freaked out but that's taking it's time in getting figured out. I'm working on it though, sending emails to midwives in Wisconsin, Tennessee, and Delaware. Planning on sending some to a few midwives in Colorado as well. HOPEFULLY something pans out and I can start making plans in earnest to head back to the US.
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