Been pretty busy lately.

One thing for sure, living in a place that's really too small for you motivates you to go out because otherwise you would go insane from cabin fever. We get out, quite a bit. Sometimes we go out during the week and take it easy during the weekend and sometimes we get out during the weekend and not as much during the week. John has a five day weekend (along with many other ESL teachers in Korea) due to the Korean holiday coming up that's basically their Thanksgiving and Christmas combined. So, naturally, the plan is to go out and do things because five days cooped up with both John and Natalie is sure to drive me NUTS! In the meantime, I've also been joining groups both online and in person (the one sort of leads to the other). One of the first things I found was a group for those who go to the Mosaic which is an English cafe at a subway stop just three down from ours called Jeongja. There's food and a place to sit and relax and it's just a nice place for people who speak English to meet up. So, it started there. Then I found another group (which I had kind of perused before but didn't join since it didn't seem very active but when I did join, things kind of started to get hopping and I was able to find out about places to go to and I even got an MP3 play from a group member for a nice price ($120 for a Samsung P3 which is AWESOME!). That led to joining a writing guild that meets once a week. It has also led to joining an online group called Stitch & Bitch (that's honestly the name of it!) which has to do with knitting which I had been thinking of taking up because I needed a hobby to keep me occupied. So, I met one of the members for the first time last night and she introduced me to knitting. I found that to be very relaxing and now I just need to find some nicer yarn but I've heard that yarn is kind of expensive here. Another group I joined on Facebook introduced me to one person who just moved to the Seoul area and we met for the first time on Saturday and have made plans to meet up again today.

Whew! And that doesn't include the person I met a couple of weeks ago from either the same group or another group I met the person I'm getting together with today. lol Most have been of the non-parental nature but to be honest, I actually kind of like that. It's a nice break from the parenting thing. That probably sounds bad but there are times when it gets overwhelming and I could use a little bit of a break. John is a perfectly capable father and is able to deal with any issues that may come up. I think it helps me be a better parent because then I'm able to regroup and be able to focus on parenting again. I'm one of those people who need adult interaction. I can let loose but I need to be able to have adult conversations and John isn't much for them (other than the occasional pillow talk once we get Natalie in bed and that's if HE'S not asleep) and Natalie makes it next to impossible to really have an adult conversation and naturally, Natalie just isn't old enough. I was getting some through my various online groups but I wanted to be able to go out, go shopping, and do things without worrying about my three year old having a temper tantrum in the middle of the store.

It's one of the big reasons why I'm really looking into going to the US without Natalie in November. Admittedly, a big part of it is that I would be staying with my best friend and her house is not child friendly (understandably, she has no kids). It would be kind of stressful staying with her with Natalie. I wouldn't be going to the US otherwise, to be honest. My friend has been wanting me to come back and visit, especially once she moved out of her apartment where the landlord only allowed her guests to stay for two days a week. It's all tentative though and there's still a lot details to work out but I'm hoping it all goes through. It would be nice to spend the time with my best friend and be able to bake, shop, and have Thanksgiving dinner. If it ends up not going through though, it's good to know that I won't be bored at least, especially since the cooler weather will make walking through the various markets easier.

This really bothers me...

There's a family I became aware of not too long ago on one of my parenting boards. The mom was asking for prayers because she was facing prosecution for having a homebirth in Ohio. Yes, prosecution, she was facing charges for endangering her child's life for having a homebirth. A group on Facebook has been set up and you can join it here:
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1017828571&v=feed&story_fbid=173459489767#/group.php?gid=140938029710

I think this is absolutely absurd. This has NOTHING to do with the health of the baby. In this situation especially, the baby was fine. Mom was blacking out a little and the midwife didn't have oxygen (since I guess it was illegal for her to have it on her) so it was decided that the family would call the EMTs to be on the safe side. It was doing that that has brought about these charges. But again, this has nothing to do with the health of the baby or babies in general. In the Netherlands, about 30% of births are homebirths. In the US, about 33% of births are cesareans. Take a guess as to which country has the lower infant mortality rate. I'll make it easy, it's NOT the United States. So, if the high rate of homebirths in the Netherlands leaves that country with a lower infant mortality rate than why is this woman being prosecuted? Money, pure and simple. Money has lead various groups to go against homebirths because as long as women give birth at home, hospitals lose money. I mean, you do know that hospitals make a TON of money off of births, don't you? Yeah, they do and they make even more money when a women ends up with a cesarean, considerably more. So, these groups play off of the fears of women, make them afraid of something happening to their babies, and really push home the idea that the ONLY SAFE place for a woman to have a baby is a hospital.

Now, don't get me wrong, for some women that is the safest place. Women with high risks pregnancies are best served in a hospital. But for women with healthy, low risk pregnancies, there's little to no reason to go to a hospital unless that is what the woman wants. But really, to be honest, doctors make pregnancy sound like a risky venture, don't they?

The fact that this family is facing these trials greatly concern me, especially as I consider any future birth plans of my own. My daughter's birth was a rather traumatic cesarean (with lots of drama just moments before the surgery between my husband and my family) and it has taken me a long time to recover from that and I'm still not fully recovered from it. I'm scared to become pregnant. I am honest to goodness scared of becoming pregnant. At the same time, I feel the urge to have another child but that fear, at the moment, is still stronger. I'm scared of getting pregnant here because I don't think it's possible to have a VBAC in a situation where I don't know the native language. I'm scared of getting pregnant at home because my options are limited. My chance of having another cesarean are pretty high and that concerns me. I've already told John that if I ever get pregnant again and that pregnancy ends with a cescarean, it WILL be my last. I will request a tubal at that point. Twice will be bad enough, I will not go through a third time. And I will not go through another several years of being afraid to become pregnant.

Roe vs Wade was about women having reproductive rights and making decisions about their own bodies. Why is it that women can make that decision when it comes to killing her child but she can't make those decisions when it comes to bringing her child into the world?

Just another Manic Monday.

Well, maybe not so manic. lol More manic for John who had to be at work by 9 than for me and definitely not for Natalie who is still sleeping (thank goodness!). I'm just sitting here drinking my second cup of flavorless, freeze dried (with creamer and sugar added) coffee. I REALLY need to get a coffee pot and some REAL coffee. *sigh* Anyway, yesterday we took our big trip to Ilsan to do some shopping since we know where everything is there and we're still trying to figure out where things are here and sorry to say, this area is just majorly lacking in a lot of things compared to Ilsan, like a decent outside mall! I got seriously spoiled there, I'll admit because Yongin (at least where we live) is just not set up the same way and just about every time we go out, there's something I'm not able to find that I can find in Ilsan very easily. The problem is is that it's two hours to Ilsan by subway. So, for me, timewise, it's the equivilent of going from La Crosse to Madison. But for me, it's totally worth it for those few things we just need to have and it makes my life a little happier in a strange foreign land (though I'm REALLY hoping we can pull off a way for me to make a visit to the states in November).

Unfortunately, even with lavender lotion, Natalie was not all that keen to go to bed early Saturday night and John and I both got to bed even later so getting all of us up at 9am didn't quite work out. And then, there's all the getting ready stuff that tends to take forever no matter how much we don't want it to but finally, we're ready to take off and we take our long walk to the subway because there are no bus stops between our apartment and the subway stop (one of the BIG things I hate about living here compared to Ilsan). The walk tends to be a little dangerous at times because we have to cross a street that is NOT run by traffic lights. There are lights there but they are permanently set to flashing orange and therefore worthless because the drivers here do not heed them AT ALL which makes crossing the street kind of similar to a game of Frogger. I'm convinced someday, SOMEONE is going to get run over hopefully, NOT one of us! The little street (which has a light) was a little better to cross but that has been known to be hard to cross too because people do not always heed the red light. We cross that, head up the footbridge and into the Emart. I like going through the Emart and the department store because it means less time for me to be outside (since it was already pretty warm afternoon) and I can go down the escalator (actually more of a conveyer belt thing you can put your cart on too) and not have to do quite as much walking. We go through the Emart and take the shortcut to the department store that's right by it (the largest department store in the world--IE: most branches). I grabbed a couple of snack things for me and John and Natalie get some pinapple on a stick. We made a quick bathroom stop and we tried to get Natalie to go too but no such luck. I prefer using the department store for that because not only is there a regular potty in one of the stalls, there's also a potty that's Natalie's size. It's SO CUTE! It's her size but it's also attached to the plumbing so it flushes like a real potty! No, this is not a typical bathroom for Korea, there are still some toilet stalls that have floor toilets (basically the female version of a urinal) but newer places do tend to have better bathrooms. From there, we go to the subway station. I put some money on my card since I was low on funds (both John and I have a card to use to get through the machines at the subway stations, Natalie is free) and we head upstairs to catch the subway. We had a few minutes to wait so we all sat down. This one guy near us tried to offer Natalie a BUG! I don't know what it was but it was some big fly/bee/roach looking thing. I wouldn't let Natalie take it and I was kind of freaked out by the fact that this guy was even offering some large dead bug to my daughter. Yuck! It was after 1pm before we finally got going and the plan was to get back on the subway in Ilsan by 9pm so that we can get to Suseo and on the yellow line before it closed (since we got stranded the LAST time we did a large trip because we didn't get to the yellow line in time and therefore, we didn't get home until after 1 in the morning and John had to work the next day).

So, we're on the subway, and we're trying to get Natalie to actually sit down and behave and not run around mooching off of people (she's really into that and it doesn't help that people here LOVE her and want to give her ALL kinds of stuff including candy, gum, and other things John and I don't want her to have). I set her up with my old MP3 player, the headphones and Abba playing. That lasted about four songs before she got bored. Finally, I just put my headphones in and sort of zoned out which was easy since I had gotten maybe six hours of sleep the night before. In Suseo, we got out for our transfer. We climb up a bunch of steps (never a favorite of mine) and pick up the subway for Madu station, our stop. John also bought Natalie a waffle to munch on. There's not much to see on the subway because it is mostly underground. Sometimes, it comes out and you can see part of the city it is going by. I really like one of the stops because it is near Seoul and the subway is outside crossing a bridge. The air conditioning was on and I was almost cold which was nice because it definitely was warm outside. Natalie was enjoying herself being doted on by three older ladies who telling us in pantomime that Natalie needed her bangs cut. There was also a younger child on the subway that Natalie went over to look at since she's got a bit of a baby obsession going right now. Natalie was also squeezing herself in next to people and talking to them in the hopes of getting some little trinket in return (which is her usual MO when she's on the subway).

John and I start to make plans for the things we're going to do. We already had plans but John wanted to get off at an earlier stop, catch a bus, and go to the bakery near his last place of employment and pick up my bread (they have the best baguettes in Korea as far as I'm concerned). I wanted to get off at the subway stop near the Krispy Kreme and pick up a little treat for myself and maybe for Natalie. John wanted to take Natalie with since she likes to ride the bus. Natalie wanted to go with me and get a treat. That got resolved pretty quick one subway stop earlier than planned. Natalie, who wasn't able to go potty before we got on the subway, had to go potty. So they got off and I stayed on until my stop which was three stops from Madu. I went over to the Krispy Kreme, picked up a few donuts, had mine and put Natalie's in a bag. I stayed long enough to eat, then went back out. I was going to go to the subway right from there but backtracked when something caught my eye outside of a little store. I went in and found a few cheap items to buy including a couple of purple baskets (we need baskets to help with organizing here) and a set of marker stamps for Natalie. That was around 7000 won. I got back on the subway and got off three stops later at Madu.

From Madu, I crossed the street then headed for Newcore which is where Kim's Club is at which was where I needed to pick up some (EXPENSIVE!) parmesan cheese and my chicken broth. On the way, I see bags of potatoes at a stand for a reasonable price (potatoes are not easy or CHEAP to find in Korea) and made a mental note to mention it to John when we caught up (which I completely forgot to do). I get to Newcore and made a stop at the Skin Food on the way to the escalator. They didn't have the foot lotion I was looking for so I didn't pick up anything though the sales person kept trying to help me (I really need to learn "I'm just looking!" in Korean). I got to the escalator and took that up to the 7th floor where Modern House is. Modern House has a lot of home type stuff there and there's also a kid's section that's really nice. I've been able to find some stuff for Natalie there on clearance including her purse. I walked around, found some nice things but nothing I wanted to get and nothing to get for Natalie. I left that section of the store and went over to where the hair bows and things were and found a headband for Natalie for 2000 won. I hadn't bought her any headbands yet so I figured I get her one. Saw some other bows I liked but they were more than I wanted to spend at the moment. I went over to the small stationary area but didn't find anything there I wanted to get. I got back on the escalator and went down one floor to the children's clothing area. Looked around there. I saw some shoes that I wouldn't have minded getting Natalie but passed because I couldn't find anything smaller than 180. She wears a size 170 here and that fits but I would really like to find something between 170 and 180. The 170 is starting to get small but she can still wear it, the 180 is way too big (I'm guessing she's at a half size and above 160, Korean shoes for young girls do not have half sizes) so until she really grows out of her Strawberry Shortcake shoes, I'm not getting her new shoes because shoes are stinking expensive here! Not to mention, since she ended up getting TWO pairs of crocs (because one pair was stolen while she was at a play place) and another pair of shoes that are currently too big, I've spent more than enough money for shoes at the moment for her and I refuse to buy her shoes that would either be way too big or close to being too small especially with winter being about three or four months away. When she grows out of the shoes she has now, I'll look for new shoes for her though I may get her dress shoes before that.

I spent a few more minutes looking around on that floor then got on the escalator and worked my way down to the market section. John called me on the cell phone while I was heading down. He was just outside and would meet me inside. I told him to meet me by the dairy section where the parmesan cheese would be. I get down there, pick up my items, and stand around waiting for John. I found everything I was going to get there which was about five items (not cheap items though, that's for sure!). I finally see the two of them and catch up to them. John wanted to pick up a few more things so he grabbed a basket and I sat down just outside the checkout lines because my legs were starting to get sore. While I was waiting, I grabbed a cappicino blast from the Baskin Robbin's that was right there and Natalie and I shared that. Since we were also by the area that had several fish tanks, I told Natalie to go look for Nemo. It took her a few minuts but she was able to find a tank that had a bunch of clown fish in it. She was very happy to find "Memo". While we're sitting a young girl and her mom come over and the girl tries to talk to Natalie. The way they were looking at her made me feel a little strange and when John finally came back and they had left, I mentioned to him that it seemed like they were looking at her like she was some kind of a zoo animal. It's strange the attention she gets here and she doesn't even have blond hair! She had blue eyes though and is definitely not Asian so that gets quite a bit of attention here right there. Still, Ilsan has a fairly large foreign population and I have seen other kids here so I'm not sure why she seems to draw so much attention there.

We all take a quick bathroom break. Natalie, of course, doesn't have to go. We decide to head over to Western Dom which is a large outdoor mall area. That's where we're planning to have dinner and was also where I was going to take Natalie to get her first professional hair cut. She was well overdue for a bang trim and I also wanted to get the rest of her hair done professionally as I really don't trust my own cutting job. We walk, crossing the two big streets (since at this point, we're downtown). When we get there, we see the fountain is one and Natalie of course wants to go right in and get wet (thank goodness we packed another outfit for her). Unfortunately, before she gets in, she starts squatting down because she has to go potty. John takes her to the bathroom and I sit and watch all the kids getting wet in the fountain. They finally get back and Natalie spends the next five to ten minutes getting soaking wet before the fountain shuts off. John takes her back to the bathroom to change her clothes. In the meantime, the fountain comes back on only now with colors. They get back down but we don't let Natalie get wet again but head over for the Skin Food store which is on the way to the hair place. There, I pick up the peppermint foot lotion (which this store at least has), the avacado conditioner (part of my no-poo routine) and a Grape Seed Oil body wash. That wasn't too badly priced and the sales person added in a bunch of samples too which was nice.

From there, we walked to the hair place. I wanted to get Natalie's bangs cut and the back of her hair cut a little so that it was nice and even and I didn't have to worry about it for a good year or so (except for the bangs unless I decide someday to let them grow out). They get a stylist who knows English and we wait a few minutes while he finishes up and prepares for Natalie. The hair cut itself didn't take too long though it took a little bit to get him to understand how short we wanted the bangs (just over the eyebrows) and I had to hold Natalie's head still a few times because she kept moving. She didn't seem impress with the experience. She was sort of glum about it the whole time and looked a little anxious. John had planned to make a quick run to La Fiesta where the Olive Young is for the face wash and Dr. Bronner's we were going to get but I had him stick around because it seemed like it was going to be over pretty quick and I was having trouble understanding the hair stylist, even with the English. Without the hair washing or blow drying (I'm particular when it comes to Natalie's hair and my own hair drying fiasco was not something I wished to repeat with Natalie), everything got done in a short amount of time and the price was okay though it was not something I would do more than once a year, if even that, especially since her hair is pretty much one length.

After that, we walked down to the Croc store since I wanted to get a pair of crocs. I found a pair just like the ones my younger sister had and got them. They were a little on the expensive side but they'll last awhile. From there, we walked over to the elevator that would take us up to Uno's, where we had planned to have dinner. Dinner was pretty good. Natalie was a little restless but no more than usual and she wasn't too difficult. We got done with that and started heading back down stairs when I remembered that I needed to replace my coin purse so I walked down to the little store that carries the coin purses I liked, picked up one quick, paid for it and walked back to where I last saw John and Natalie and they weren't there. I had told them to wait for me because I was just running over to the other store real quick and would be right back. No, they didn't wait and I had no idea where they went. I spent several minutes looking for them around the area then finally decided to walk over to the Olive Young that was in that area (there's two of them, one in Western Dom, one in La Fiesta but the nearby one doesn't carry Dr. Bronner's, only the one at La Fiesta does). I walked over there and found them. I found the facial scrub I use (one of the things I CANNOT find in this area for some stupid reason) and picked up two of them hoping that that will last me for a little while at least and had John pay for them because I had no cash at this point. We still had to go to the other Olive Young AND we were hoping to stop at Costco's all before getting on the subway by 9:30. I didn't look like we were going to make it. John was going to make a quick dash to the Olive Young while Natalie and I had a quick frappe at A Twosome Place. One problem, they were no longer carrying the frappes I liked. Grr, I HATE when companies change the things they offer! So I decided I would walk with them to the plaza near the subway stop and rest there while John made his run. By then, my legs and knee were KILLING me. I rested while John made his run and Natalie sat next to some guy and talked to him (she's an equal opportunity moocher). John gets back and we walk to the subway stop. It's almost 9:30 by the time we get on and I get nervous because we don't know when the last stop is and I'm afraid we're going to be stranded again. It didn't help that Natalie had to go potty not even half an hour into our trip home and then it took the two of them FOREVER to get that done causing us to miss the next subway. Fortunately, even with all of that, we were able to get on the yellow line and it did take us all the way to our station. From there we caught a cab and we got home just before midnight. Whew! Long day all around and we didn't get over to Costco's but we did get quite a bit done.

Hard to believe it's the end of July already.

We've been here in Yongin City aka Jukjeon for about two weeks now. There are definitely some differences between where we live now and where we lived before. While John enthusiastically appreciates some of the differences, I'm not quite as keen on them. The big difference is location. In Ilsan, we were right smack dab in the downtown area, just a block and a half away from the subway station and the bus stop. John's school was not near by and that required him to take a bus which meant that he ususally wasn't home until around 6 at night even though he got done with work at 5:15. Here, John is just five minutes away from work by foot but we're a bit farther from the subway and bus stops than we were before and usually, it's a bit of a hike to get from here to there, a hike that includes hills and crossing streets that are not very well regulated by traffic lights and even when they are, the driver's don't always heed the red lights which can be frustrating at times when you're trying to cross the street with your three year old (makes it a bit of a life and death adventure as well). So far, I'm able to handle the hike though on warm, muggy days it can be a bit much and with my one foot giving me issues, not something I can just up and do every day (if I overdo it one day, like yesterday, I tend to be out pretty much all of the next day). It has gotten to where we will use a taxi to get home because even with the buses going from the subway station (which is where the department store and the E-mart are), they tend to stop a bit aways from where we need to go while the taxi takes us right to the door for about 100 won more than it used to cost John and I to take the bus one way (Natalie's free on the bus) and 100 won is only about 10 cents so really, not that much at all. So, when you look at it that way, taking the taxi definitely is the better deal especially if we have to carry any large items home like a computer desk (which we may be getting at some point). Still, there's just not very much in the area we live in which is a bit different than how it was in Ilsan and I kind of miss that. Having all that stuff nearby really got me out and about doing things I normally would never do in the summertime namely, leaving the house when it was warmer than I liked which usually was most of it (though I've heard that Wisconsin actually had an usually COOL summer this year which I'm really annoyed about because I MISSED IT and the chance to have to wear long sleeves in July). Now, it takes more of an effort but John is finding places we can go along the subway (admittedly, most of that has been purely by accident by getting on the wrong bus) and that may help to get me out more. I'm also hoping I can still meet up with my one friend and hopefully at some point meet up some other people who live closer but unfortunately, getting friendships to go beyond the internet isn't any easier here than it was back at home. Ilsan is two hours by subway from here so I'm not always going to be able to get up there to meet with the moms I have met so far but at the moment, considering I know where everything is up there, there's motivation for me to go there.

The past couple of weeks have definitely been a challenge though. When we first got here, we had nothing as far as kitchen items outside of the things we brought with us from the last place which wasn't much so we've had to go and do some shopping and get a lot of that (which John is supposed to be reimbursed for). There were no pots or pans or dishes or anything of that nature, we've pretty much had to completely stock up the kitchen so that's been fun especially as many kitchen items here in Korea are really not all that cheap. There at least was a bed (which can be iffy as Koreans tend to sleep on mats on the floor). That is a queen which is a great size for all three of us (though Natalie does have a couple of mats to sleep on those nights when John and I want to sleep alone together) and it's nice and firm but not TOO firm (some beds can feel as hard as the floor, the last one in our place did until we broke it in a little). It is, however, on the floor which John has been trying to get fixed since we moved here. We also had no internet for more than a week and that was definitely a challenge for me as most of my social life is through the computer via Facebook and online forums. I spent most of the offline time playing Sims 2 though and watching a few episodes of Star Trek Voyager. It helped that I got one of my old neighborhoods for Sims 2 in the game that's on my current computer. I ended up with two games on two different computers for awhile and recently figured out how to get some of the stuff from the one computer into the game I have on this one. Been looking at stuff for Sims 3 but really thinking that I want to keep with Sims 2 for now. I can remember how hard it was at first to play Sims 2 with all the stuff that was on the original Sims by the time Maxis stopped making expansion packs and it was rough so I'm waiting and I'm hoping by the time I get home and get a desktop, Sims 3 will have an expansion pack (or two) and will be even better than it is now. Meanwhile, I still have two expansion packs to get for Sims 2 in order to fully enjoy all it has to offer.

Things are coming along though and John enjoys his new job which is the most important thing. He doesn't have too many kids and they're all older and pretty well disciplined (which was one of the problems he was having with the last place, that and the fact that he was basically expected NOT to discipline them but let them do what they wanted, especially the kindergarten age kids which were basically not much older than Natalie and at that nasty pre-five age I'm disliking so much because it is SUCH a challenge to deal with). The fact that he only works five minutes from home is a huge bonus because then he can come home for lunch and get home right after work though that is for July and August only. Once the regular school year starts up again, he goes from noon to six and he probably won't have a lunch break during that time. I'm sure once that starts we'll get a schedule all figured out. We are right by a park so he and Natalie can go before he goes to work (as long as it is not raining which, being monsoon season at the moment, is just about everyday). So, other than the fact that it's not quite as convenient to the action as the last place was and the apartment is TINY, it's not too bad of a gig so far. Will it work the whole year? We'll see, I guess. Hard to be optimistic about anything at this point after all the issues John had with the last two jobs.

We're moving...AGAIN!

Well, to be honest, we're already just about all moved. Oh boy was THAT an adventure. It's also one of those things where you really do not realize just how much stuff you have until you try to move it. There was not furniture to move but we had clothes, suitcases, food, a laundry basket, a small hamper, plus a few boxes of TOYS. So, taking all that on the subway was not going to be an option (yikes!). Fortunately, the coordinator for the new school John's working at (more on that in a moment), sent a moving person. He loaded up all the stuff (with a little help from John) and after a bunch of talking back and forth on cell phones with the coordinator, we ALL bunch into the front seat of this truck and off we went! Yeah, first thing to learn about Korea, no car seat laws here and we had Natalie on John's lap the whole time. And yes, I was nervous as can be about it too, especially as we were going a good 80 km/mile on the roads. The old place is just north of Seoul and we were moving south of Seoul, the whole trip was about 50 km (sorry, it's all in km, don't exactly know what the conversion is) which I think is about 30 miles? But it was a LOOOONG trip even on the expressway and we saw lots of buildings, LOTS of bridges and just all kinds of different things that we don't usually see going on the subway. It was warm though and pretty muggy out so we had the windows open the whole way (not overly pleasant on my poor ear).

We FINALLY get there though with a few mishaps as far as trying to find the exact building and get everything unpacked off the truck and into the apartment. Now, how to describe that...well, I don't think apartment is the right word. SHOEBOX is more appropriate. The place is SMALL. It's supposed to be a one bedroom. Yes, it has one bedroom...sort of. There's a room with four sliding doors and then they're all closed, that makes a bedroom and there IS a bed in it and it's a queen sized bed...well, actually, a queen sized mattress on the floor (the coordinator felt that would be safer for the "baby"). There's a TV in there and places to put some clothes (if you came to the country with about five outfits per person). The "living area" is mostly kitchen with a large table and chairs. There is no couch. The fridge is the perfect size...for Natalie. It's about 4 feet tall and John figures he'll have to ask Natalie what's in the fridge. Basically, it's a dorm fridge with an added freezer. There's a microwave that we put on the fridge because there's no counter to put it on and no outlets by the little bit of counter to put anything on either. Fortunately, there is air conditioning. The bathroom has a toilet, medicine cabinet above that, a sink, and between the toilet and the sink, a thing on the wall with the shower head and that is attached to this thing on the sink.

This is where we will be living for the next year. If I don't go insane during that time I had better get a medal. Fortunately, John will be worker fewer hours and I can have him spend LOTS of time with Natalie outside. I'm convinced though that Koreans do not live in their apartments but spend all their time out and about and go out to eat. It is at least in a decent area that's within walking distance from the subway, the world's largest department store (at least that's what it said on the side of the building), and an Outback Steakhouse. So, we'll at least have things to do and we're a little closer to Seoul than we were before so we can bum around which will be good during that week John is off of work.

So that begs the question, WHY. Well, John finally got the notice that he is being replaced, officially. Back in April, the director had told him that he wasn't planning to keep John due to issues with the kindergarten class. No biggie because the director wasn't being the greatest about paying and that kind of stuff. But, it got to be two months later and we sort of started getting the idea that we were going to be staying for awhile and got the visas done, a cell phone, that kind of thing. Well, I had John ask the director the end of June to find out what was going on and that was when he was told that the new teacher was coming the 24th in time for an open house. Fortunately, he had been working with a recruiter who had a school, a public school, that needed a teacher ASAP so John got his release for the 22nd of July (two days from now). So yeah, it's been a really busy and insane month and now, we're moving to a place John has not lived in and we're both going to have to try and figure out where everything is. Should be fun. Hopefully, this will be it and a year from now, we'll have saved enough and the economy will be stable enough for us to come home. That's what I'm hoping for anyway.

Time and the hours, run through the roughest day...

It was about this time, six years ago, that I called John who, at the time, was my fiance and living here in South Korea. It was sometime between 10:21 and 10:50 am CT on Saturday, June 28, 2003. For John, it was already June 29th, just after 12:30 am. I'm sure he was not at all prepared for the phone call he got, a phone call from his very hysterical bride-to-be. He wasn't even able to understand a word I was saying and I wasn't able to talk to him for very long, the ambulance and the police were already arriving. It was amazing I was even able to dial the number since it was so long but months of calling him had made it all pretty automatic.

It was and still is, the worst day of my life. Nothing in the 22 and a half years before that day and nothing in the six years since that day has eclipsed the events that transpired that Saturday morning. I sincerely hope nothing ever does.

It's one of those events that ends up defining you and it definitely has defined me. Part of me, I think, is still stuck in that day. Sure, I have worked to move on. That's kind of how life goes. No matter what happens, there are still marriages and births and birthdays and all of those things that defines the life of a family. There's the day to day process of living that has to happen no matter what happens that may disrupt that. Life keeps happening and the world goes on living and somehow, you have to as well. But it wasn't easy, for a long time, it wasn't very easy to do at all.

And now, six years later, I'm here in South Korea, with both John and Natalie and it just seems to be so different compared to how things were six years ago. Sometimes it all seems surreal, that the events never really happened at all. When I talk to my mom, where she's at doesn't really enter my mind. There's sort of a denial about it all, like my brain just can't comprehend it all, doesn't really WANT to comprehend it all because to do so would somehow shatter it. I don't know. Sometimes, it tries to deal with what has happened through dreams but even those are confused. Many times, I will have dreams that I'm doing things with my mom, sometimes even my dad which is not at all possible nor will it ever be possible but it seems that they are right there, like everything is normal, like it all never really happened. It's like there are still parts of my brain that are just in total denial of all that has happened the last six years and doesn't want to acknowledge it ever happened so there's a sort of another dimension that is there within my mind and not only in that dimension are my parents in my life in full force but my seventh grade science teacher is alive and well and I talk to her often even wished her a belated happy birthday even though she's been dead now for almost a year and a half.

I know I'm not the only one with the dreams and mine are fairly tame compared to the dreams my sisters have had, especially my younger sister. Again, just amazing how our minds will take events that have happened and try to make sense of them when we're asleep. Amazing and kind of scary because the world it presents as the alternative is just crazy sometimes.

So another year passes and time goes on. Hopefully, someday, the day will pass without me taking note of it but that probably won't happen anytime soon. You just can't go through something like that and not have the date etched on your mind. Time may wear it down a little but to nothing? I don't know if that will ever be the case. I think John was hoping that bringing me here would help that but if anything, it only seemed to remind me even more because he was here when it happened. And it took me a long time to even forgive him for being here in the first place. That he wasn't with me when I needed him and wasn't able to come home for another three months was not easy for me to deal with at all. And for a long time, he took the brunt of my anger towards what happened because of it. I always had felt that things would have ended differently if he had just been back in the US with me or even if I had somehow been here with him. But to be honest, there's just no way of really knowing.

We finally have our visas...

...and our registration cards, all good until February 27th which is when John's stuff all expires since we're here as his dependents. Still not sure how long we're actually going to be here though. Things are still all up in the air because of this director. He told John two months ago that he was going to replace him. Well, nothing has really happened since then. But in the meantime, he won't let John go nor will he help John with anything that requires a contract since he doesn't "intend" to keep him. So once again, things are very much all up in the air. We're kind of tossing around the idea of just leaving for the Feast and not coming back here, just go home for that and then try to figure out where to go from there. Not quite sure how that would all work though. But John has to figure something out as far as that goes as taking a whole week off in October is not something that directors are going to really be thrilled with when getting a new employee.

In the meantime, I guess he has an entire week off the first week of August which should be nice, provided we're still here. But I would say, if John hasn't gotten any kind of notice the first week of July, we'll be here at least that long because I expect for John to get the 30 days notice he is entitled to. Not that the director has really been inclined to follow the law thus far. He STILL has not taken out pension and he has NOT been taking out money for health insurance (which will be great if we ever need to take Natalie or any of the rest of the us to the doctor).

Fortunately for the most part, we are pretty healthy people but it is on the back of my mind. Which has me concerned about something else. Since John dropped the cell phone in a sink full of water a week or so ago, we have not had any means of calling out. The cell phone (which did not always have minutes) was the only means I had to call out should something happen. The landline here is not capable of calling out. I always get some kind of error message in Korean when I try to make any kind of a phone call. My understanding was that it was deliberately set up this way (not sure why anyone would have bothered to put a phone in in the first place then).

And this is one of those things that really gets to me. We need to have a phone that is capable of calling out in the event that anything happens here while John is at work. I have a three year old. Things can happen and I do not want to try and figure out how to get a hold of John if something was to happen. If Natalie is sick, I don't know where the hospitals are. I don't know where to take her. John had a cell phone but it was always kind of iffy. It's not easy to figure out where we can go to get a contract and with the director planning to replace John at some point, I doubt we can get one anyway. But, I can't even find that out because I can't speak Korean and so far, the cell phone places I have stopped at today don't seem to have any English speaking reps. So, I'm really getting frustrated by this and I have asked John to talk to the director about this to let him know that either the phone here needs to be set up so that I can call out or someone who can speak both English and Korean from the school needs to come over, take me and Natalie somewhere I can get us a cell phone since John pretty much works during all the business hours.

If things weren't just so messed up economy-wise in the states, we would have gone back home but as sucky as the situation here has been, the money has still been good and it still beats going back on county assistance and having almost NO extra money at all. Here, we're able to go out, see things, do things, have fun, eat out and still have money to send home. It's not perfect but right now, being here is just a lot more attractive to me than going home. And, as always, it is the path of least resistance. I also don't have to figure out quite yet just where we're going to live because that's still up in the air too. The plan is that when we do go home, we're going to settle somewhere for awhile, at least 4-5 years with NO moving AT ALL. That's a tall order to ask of John but after all the moving I've done so far since October, I will have no desire at all to move once we get home. So, I really do not want to rush on that because it's a big decision. We're going to be at least temporarily putting our roots down and I want it to be somewhat of a decent place.

So, once again, it's all a waiting game and we're just waiting to see how everything turns out. We just sort of take it one day at a time, just like we have with everything else. Kind of frustrating at times but what else can you do? It's no better at home, that's for sure.

It definitely has its perks though. I am really enjoying not having to rely on a car and I like getting around by myself or with Natalie, taking the bus (which I have finally gotten used to enough to brave on my own, the buses here are FAST and SCARY!) or the subway, both just a block from our apartment. I have figured out the subway system enough that I probably could go just about anywhere it goes without John (a fact that I'm sure would not thrill him as he would probably panic at the idea of Natalie and I galivanting all over the place) and I'm hoping that maybe I'll be able to start meeting up with some other moms who live on the lines but aren't in the same area. There's lots of shopping to be had here and not everything is insanely expensive. Hair pieces, especially are super cheap and Natalie and I are having a ton of fun finding different colors and different types including bows and those pony tail holders with things on them (think of those sunshine pony tail holders that Punky Brewster always wore and you get the idea) like butterflies, hearts, stars, etc. Shopping is also interesting in that you never quite know what to expect when you go into a store. Samples are typical in the grocery store setting (just like it is at home) but one thing you'll find here that you WON'T find in the US is an area to sample WINE. Admittedly, it's not much more than a sip in a paper cup but still, I think it's pretty neat that I can go into a grocery store and try a sample of wine. And in doing so, have found quite a few that I wouldn't mind picking up a bottle of and bringing home. lol And the nice thing is, as long as the store is open, you CAN buy the wine to take it home! In other words, no being told that you can't buy it because it's after 9pm. Bars here are also open pretty late but since we're here with Natalie, we haven't really taken advantage of that. Still, John jokes that if I get mad sometime and need to get out (always a possibility when you have three people stuck together in a studio apartment), I can always go next door and upstairs to the wine bar. lol

Another interesting thing with shopping is that unlike at home where (especially in big box stores) it can be extremely hard to find someone to help you find something, here there are store personnel available to help pretty much in every single aisle. While this can be a good thing, it can also be a little bit overwhelming, especially if you are trying to shop for something discreetly. An example of this was my experience on Sunday shopping for um pads. Now, I was prepared when I came over. I bought a Diva Cup from the co-op in Madison and I came with a few pads and a package of liners as a back up. That's been working great but the liners were not really big enough and I wanted to pick up something a little larger. And while I'd really like to get cloth pads at some point, right now, I'm just too overwhelmed by all the choices and not looking forward to getting hit with the huge shipping fees to get them over here. So there I am, trying to look at various packages of pads which, of course, are all in Korean and the sizes are all in cm and I have no idea how big I want it to be except that I KNOW that 42 cm is just too big (since that's like a good 15 inches and good grief who in the world needs a 15 inch pad?!) when this nice Korean woman comes up and tries to see if I need help and naturally, there is a language barrier but I try to convey that I would like to find some pads that are not too large and are not too scented either (I can't stand scented items). She keeps pointing some that are definitely too big and I'm trying to tell her that won't work but not getting very far. She finally, I kid you not, brings out this BOOK with samples of actual pads in it! Oh boy! I do see some that may work but to be honest, I was just sort of uncomfortable with the whole thing and really just wanted to get out of there! Mind you, there are samples of pads hanging in front of the packages of pads in the aisle. And they are open so that you can touch them and see if that is the pad you would want to get or not. Helpful, I'm sure, but not something we're going to see in the US anytime soon (thank goodness!). So that was Sunday. Monday, I go to this little Walgreen's without the drugs type place (since all medication are sold ONLY in pharmacies and small ones at that) and fortunately, the help is not quite so overwhelming so I'm left to try and figure out pads and liners for myself with a little help from John with reading the Korean (poor hubby). We had trouble figuring out if one of the ones I was looking at was scented and unscented so John is left having to ask the ladies up front since he's the one who knows Korean. It was interesting to say the least. But we were able to find out what we needed to know and as those weren't too expensive, I did leave with them. They were more liner type things than pads but again, as I only need them as a back-up to my cup, they'll work...as long as I put it in correctly.

There's definitely a lot to see and do around here, don't get me wrong, and I am starting to see what got John so into traveling. My family had settled down by the time I was born so I missed out on all of that and now, my eyes have very much opened up to how unique various places can be. And if John is still at this job come August when he gets that week off, I have no doubt we'll be doing some traveling, especially by train which is a favorite of both John and Natalie.

Now if only John can find a decent job. I think that would really make a world of difference. If he can find a honey of a job with what we have here so far (and a decent apartment with the amenities we need), it would really help out a lot. Unfortunately, I don't think Natalie's going to be sold on the idea until she gets her bike and I'm holding off on that for the moment as I'm using that for a very special milestone. But she seems to be adjusting too and I think if we find some fun things to do this summer (like a water park or the one amusement park that's not too far from here), she'll get more excited. It's just not easy to find things for a three year old to do everyday. They get bored easily.