Dinner is in the oven; chicken, potatoes, baby carrots, with dumplings added for the last ten minutes of cooking. Banana bread is already baked, dishes are in the dishwasher washing, and I actually got my room cleaned today. I'm sure some of it is too that I'm avoiding going online to my groups. *sigh* Been finding that WAY too frustrating lately. I think I am going to be very glad to be out of this country because the way I see it, it's going to heck in a handbasket.
John's at work so it's just me and Natalie and Natalie fell asleep so I guess she won't be eating dinner after all. grr. It wasn't my intention for her to fall asleep but it happens, especially when she decides to go and nurse. My guess is she'll sleep until morning too. So, just doing a little writing while I wait for the chicken to finish cooking.
Tomorrow will be one of those jam packed days of excitement and adventure...well, not really. I have my audiologist appointment tomorrow which is an hour...yay. This is all in efforts to get a hearing aid for my right ear before we leave the country. Bleh. Twenty-seven years old and have to get a hearing aid for the OTHER ear. Lovely. The ONLY good thing about this is if I give it time for the prices to drop, I can MAYBE at some point get hearing aids for BOTH ears with Bluetooth technology. Right now though, the hearing aids run $2995 EACH. Um, can't swing almost $6000 right now. But someday, it would be quite nice to have a set of hearing aids that I can just hit a button and be able to listen to my MP3 play or make a call on my cell phone, without actually touching the device. Sounds good to me!
Timer went off. The chicken is done so I'll have to come back later...
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Sunday, August 31, 2008
So many updates...so little time...
I cannot believe that it has been over a year since I last posted but it has been. I have been mainly updating the Natalie's World blog but when I made the decision to let John start the process of going to South Korea for two years, I figured at some point, I would need to get this blog up and running again so that I can update it with all of the happenings on that end rather than taking up room on the other blog which really is still the blog that is to be all about Natalie. So today, I have finally gotten that all done and now I can start updating everyone as to all of the going ons that are occurring as we prepare to leave the country.
If you are just tuning in now, I do have some entries about this in Natalie's World but for now, here are a few details. Back in late April, I made the decision to let John start preparations to teach over in South Korea which has been a lucrative field for John in the past. Okay, it's not INSANELY lucrative but considering the fact that John half the times doesn't even work full time, we're on food stamps, we're on state insurance, etc, it is DEFINITELY more lucrative for us. This was not a decision I came to lightly and it has been one that I have struggled with for the last four months mainly because it will be SUCH a change. But it has come to the point that something drastic must be done considering the current state of the economy in this country.
So now, we are getting VERY close to John having a job in Korea. He figures by this week sometime, he will know for sure. Currently, there are two that he is looking at. One is through the original recruiter that we went with for the first contract that he had to can because it was too far out into the boonies. The good news is this one is on the subway line and it's not far at all from one of the major cities and less than an hour from Seoul. This is good. What's not so good is that it starts October 11 (probably not until the 13th but the pay day is the 10th of each month). If we don't get the money together for the plane tickets for me and Natalie, we will not be together on our five year anniversary which is October 11th. That day is also my 28th birthday. If we do have the tickets to go, I'm just hoping that I don't end up spending that day on an airplane because that would kind of suck. We would have to leave here October 4th then spend the week somewhere until John flies out. Either that or it would be the 10th, we would have to pretty much go from here to the airport (which would be in Chicago anyway) and then Natalie and I would head back up to La Crosse with whoever ends up taking John down to the airport. So, just a couple of scenarios there.
The other position doesn't start until November 3rd. It is in Ilsan which John has lived before. He's shooting for that position since he's lived in the city before and liked it a lot. It would be a good fit for us but so far, he hasn't heard very much from this guy and the other recruiter has all of our stuff already and has even found us a two bedroom apartment (which hasn't been easy as a lot of these places are NOT set for families, most ESL teachers are single and right out of college).
There are still a TON of details to work out and time is quickly flying by. I hate that so much of this is done at the last minute, really it just drives me nuts and it is SO family un-friendly. But, in all honesty, this really is not meant to be a family deal, this is meant to be more for single people to do. Families tend to get in the way. It can be done, and there are recruiters who do just that but I think the problem there was getting the plane ticket for John. I'm hoping that somehow, it all works out for the best. There aren't really any other options otherwise.
In the meantime, I am trying to get ready for a rummage sale and start getting all the extra stuff we have out of the apartment. Ugh, you have NO idea how much stuff we have and most of it is mine with a bunch of it being Natalie's (how in the world did we accumulate SO much stuff for her in the last three years?!) Once I know more about the date, I can start making arrangements with my younger sister to pick up the big items that she wants including our couch and a few pieces of furniture including Natalie's crib. Yes, she's pregnant again, after two miscarriages and so far, so good, she's almost 11 weeks along and I think this one might actually stick, God willing. She's due March 24th so please everyone, keep her in your prayers for a healthy, LIVE baby. So once those details are hatched out and I get the two love seats out of here, that will help a lot as far as the space goes. But there is A LOT of stuff to get rid of and it is going to be an INSANE month/two months.
If you are just tuning in now, I do have some entries about this in Natalie's World but for now, here are a few details. Back in late April, I made the decision to let John start preparations to teach over in South Korea which has been a lucrative field for John in the past. Okay, it's not INSANELY lucrative but considering the fact that John half the times doesn't even work full time, we're on food stamps, we're on state insurance, etc, it is DEFINITELY more lucrative for us. This was not a decision I came to lightly and it has been one that I have struggled with for the last four months mainly because it will be SUCH a change. But it has come to the point that something drastic must be done considering the current state of the economy in this country.
So now, we are getting VERY close to John having a job in Korea. He figures by this week sometime, he will know for sure. Currently, there are two that he is looking at. One is through the original recruiter that we went with for the first contract that he had to can because it was too far out into the boonies. The good news is this one is on the subway line and it's not far at all from one of the major cities and less than an hour from Seoul. This is good. What's not so good is that it starts October 11 (probably not until the 13th but the pay day is the 10th of each month). If we don't get the money together for the plane tickets for me and Natalie, we will not be together on our five year anniversary which is October 11th. That day is also my 28th birthday. If we do have the tickets to go, I'm just hoping that I don't end up spending that day on an airplane because that would kind of suck. We would have to leave here October 4th then spend the week somewhere until John flies out. Either that or it would be the 10th, we would have to pretty much go from here to the airport (which would be in Chicago anyway) and then Natalie and I would head back up to La Crosse with whoever ends up taking John down to the airport. So, just a couple of scenarios there.
The other position doesn't start until November 3rd. It is in Ilsan which John has lived before. He's shooting for that position since he's lived in the city before and liked it a lot. It would be a good fit for us but so far, he hasn't heard very much from this guy and the other recruiter has all of our stuff already and has even found us a two bedroom apartment (which hasn't been easy as a lot of these places are NOT set for families, most ESL teachers are single and right out of college).
There are still a TON of details to work out and time is quickly flying by. I hate that so much of this is done at the last minute, really it just drives me nuts and it is SO family un-friendly. But, in all honesty, this really is not meant to be a family deal, this is meant to be more for single people to do. Families tend to get in the way. It can be done, and there are recruiters who do just that but I think the problem there was getting the plane ticket for John. I'm hoping that somehow, it all works out for the best. There aren't really any other options otherwise.
In the meantime, I am trying to get ready for a rummage sale and start getting all the extra stuff we have out of the apartment. Ugh, you have NO idea how much stuff we have and most of it is mine with a bunch of it being Natalie's (how in the world did we accumulate SO much stuff for her in the last three years?!) Once I know more about the date, I can start making arrangements with my younger sister to pick up the big items that she wants including our couch and a few pieces of furniture including Natalie's crib. Yes, she's pregnant again, after two miscarriages and so far, so good, she's almost 11 weeks along and I think this one might actually stick, God willing. She's due March 24th so please everyone, keep her in your prayers for a healthy, LIVE baby. So once those details are hatched out and I get the two love seats out of here, that will help a lot as far as the space goes. But there is A LOT of stuff to get rid of and it is going to be an INSANE month/two months.
Monday, August 13, 2007
Well, it's done.
The funeral was two weeks ago already. It wasn't too bad, just very sad but compared to Irvin's funeral just over 4 years ago, no where near as emotionally charged. It was just full of quite sadness. I was late getting up to the cemetery and I was a little panicked because when John and I got lost getting to the cemetery in Iowa for his mom's burial, we were too late; the coffin was already in the ground. We weren't very late though and fortunately everyone waited. We would have gotten there sooner if I hadn't missed seeing the cemetery before we ended up on the interstate. It was in Black River Falls which is right next to I-94. John didn't go up with me though; I went up with some of the members of Irvin's family who still keep in contact with us. So that was pretty much it other than a small luncheon at my sister's in-laws when we got back to La Crosse/Onalaska.
Hard to believe it's been a month already. It still seems very, very unfair and sometimes I get angry when I hear of moms who don't want their child or hurt their child and I think it's just not fair. There are moms who smoke and drink and nothing happens to their baby and my sister does everything she's supposed to and loses her. Where is the fairness in that?
Hard to believe it's been a month already. It still seems very, very unfair and sometimes I get angry when I hear of moms who don't want their child or hurt their child and I think it's just not fair. There are moms who smoke and drink and nothing happens to their baby and my sister does everything she's supposed to and loses her. Where is the fairness in that?
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Saturday, July 21, 2007
Emmah Anastasia Faith A-----
was born sleeping on July 14, 2007 at 8:12 pm. She was 2 lbs, 11 oz and 14 and 3/4 inches long. So far, there's no apparent cause for the death. Tests are still being run and an autopsy will be performed. There's a 50% chance that they will not be able to find out why. All I can say though is that it was the most heartbreaking thing I've ever seen. It went much faster than she expected. Because of the baby's size, she only needed to get to 5 or 6 cm and I'm not even sure she made it that far. The really painful part of the labor went so fast that she was never even able to get the morphine. By the time the nurse came back with it, it was time and it went really fast; she pushed once and the baby came out with help from the resident doctor and the mid-wife. And of course, the worst part was when Vannessa saw the baby after they got her totally out. She was just completely purple and definitely looked not alive. It was absolutely awful. All three of us girls just sobbed. The ironic thing is I remember the three of us at my nephew's birth and how different that all was from this. She was just so TINY and so perfect in form; everything was already in place. Her eyes were not open though so you couldn't see those but everything else, from the tiny fingers and toes to her little button nose, was perfect. She even had hair already. Her skin though is so fragile that if you weren't careful, you could tear it from her body. She was very skinny too, no fat on her at all.
I held her for a few moments and she was just so lightweight, hardly heavier than a child's doll. There was a photographer there to take pictures, courtesy of the hospital. The professional photos are free and I believe it also includes a slide show. My little sister has some pictures already on her MySpace page. That link is on my other blog. I'll be going back up for the funeral which is the 30th. She will be buried in the town my little sister and I were born, next to her great grandmother who died back in 1983. It sounds like all the details are falling in place but I'm sure it's still hard for my little sister. It's not helping that the two little ones she does have at home are fighting constantly and because her daughter is a screamer right now, someone called the cops on her!?! As if she doesn't have enough to deal with.
Things aren't going too badly here other than John being in a mood the past few days. I can't get out of him what the deal is; he says there's nothing wrong but he's definitely acting strange. I haven't been doing too badly considering other than feeling like I'm not doing enough for my little sister. There really isn't anything I can do but I didn't stick around La Crosse very long after the birth. By the time it was all over with, I was physically exhausted from lack of sleep and just not really able to do anything for her. It was a sense of helplessness that was very hard for me to deal with. Living so far away does not make it any easier.
I held her for a few moments and she was just so lightweight, hardly heavier than a child's doll. There was a photographer there to take pictures, courtesy of the hospital. The professional photos are free and I believe it also includes a slide show. My little sister has some pictures already on her MySpace page. That link is on my other blog. I'll be going back up for the funeral which is the 30th. She will be buried in the town my little sister and I were born, next to her great grandmother who died back in 1983. It sounds like all the details are falling in place but I'm sure it's still hard for my little sister. It's not helping that the two little ones she does have at home are fighting constantly and because her daughter is a screamer right now, someone called the cops on her!?! As if she doesn't have enough to deal with.
Things aren't going too badly here other than John being in a mood the past few days. I can't get out of him what the deal is; he says there's nothing wrong but he's definitely acting strange. I haven't been doing too badly considering other than feeling like I'm not doing enough for my little sister. There really isn't anything I can do but I didn't stick around La Crosse very long after the birth. By the time it was all over with, I was physically exhausted from lack of sleep and just not really able to do anything for her. It was a sense of helplessness that was very hard for me to deal with. Living so far away does not make it any easier.
Friday, July 13, 2007
It's NOT FAIR!
I got a phone call tonight, a call I did not want to get, especially on Friday the 13th (at least it wasn't Saturday the 28th but still). My little sister, Vannessa, only 12 weeks to her due date, lost her daughter Emmah. She is being admitted to the hospital and will be induced sometime tomorrow morning. I will be heading up to La Crosse tomorrow. I can't even imagine the pain she has to be going through. I grieve for her though because I know she has to be suffering greatly. She's not even 22 years old and has suffered two of the greatest losses a person can suffer already: loss of a spouse and loss of a child and both within a five year period.
Along with this terrible sadness comes great anger. WHY?! She doesn't deserve this! She's not a bad person and it's not right that she go through this much suffering. Whoever said that God doesn't give you more than you can handle is a liar. Everything was FINE until just last night. From what I've been told, she hadn't felt the baby move since midnight last night. No warning, no NOTHING! And now, she has to go through a birth that's...I can't even say it. I can't say it; I can't imagine it. I just want to cry and scream and I can't even guess at what my little baby sister is going through. I hate being so far away. I feel SO helpless! WHY?! WHY WHY WHY WHY?!
And I've got to be the one to tell my mom. How am I going to do that?
Along with this terrible sadness comes great anger. WHY?! She doesn't deserve this! She's not a bad person and it's not right that she go through this much suffering. Whoever said that God doesn't give you more than you can handle is a liar. Everything was FINE until just last night. From what I've been told, she hadn't felt the baby move since midnight last night. No warning, no NOTHING! And now, she has to go through a birth that's...I can't even say it. I can't say it; I can't imagine it. I just want to cry and scream and I can't even guess at what my little baby sister is going through. I hate being so far away. I feel SO helpless! WHY?! WHY WHY WHY WHY?!
And I've got to be the one to tell my mom. How am I going to do that?
Wednesday, July 4, 2007
Well, I got through the anniversary okay.
It was actually last Thursday but yesterday (July 3rd) was the anniversary of the day my brother-in-law was buried. That year, it was a really hot day followed by a really intense thunderstorm that night. I remember nothing of the storm because I came back from all of that so exhausted, I slept like the dead myself. I don't think I even had any nightmares that night which certainly beat many other mornings where I'd wake up in a full-blown panic attack. This year, the day sort of crept up on me with the only real reminder being firecrackers. There were a few that were near enough and definitely loud enough to cause the old heart to pound in shock. And while I know these are just firecrackers and not gun shots, my body has yet to differentiate the two thus leaving me with a pounding heart and shortness of breath along with the sudden desire to duck and cover. And go figure, all of this happening the week my therapist was out of town. I didn't even think of the fact that the anniversary would be coming up when she scheduled my appointment two weeks after the last one. I usually don't until those firecrackers start up. But all in all, I made it through okay and fortunately, my mother called me on Monday instead of on Tuesday. Next year I might be a little more jumpy though. Not only will it have been five years but the dates will fall on the same day they did that year. And considering how superstitious I've become about that date, I imagine I'll be very glad when 10:30 am comes and goes.
On an ironic note, 1311 is now for rent for the first time in four years. It was pretty interesting that my lease not only ended just two days after the murder but also the house itself had just been sold. I believe the upstairs went to a sister of the house owner who took the downstairs and I'm thinking that perhaps she moved on to something larger and perhaps not as haunted as 1311 (not to mention a place that hasn't infamously been on the news so many times). To be honest, before the whole ordeal occurred, I recalled trying to figure out a way for both my future husband and I to fit into this tiny two bedroom (though technically one bedroom because it was too cold in the winter and too hot in the summer to actually sleep in comfortably and even with an air duct in it, it WAS still a porch!) apartment because I did like it. It had a certain cozy charm and I LOVED the neighbors; the wife was just a dear to me while I lived there and I felt so bad that this happened to what she very much considered her home too. Now, you couldn't pay me a million dollars to buy the place. It's too bad that bad things happen to nice homes and I wonder if there will be trouble renting the place because of what happened. I imagine that a college student will end up in there, one that's not from around La Crosse and thus never heard about the vicious crime that occurred within its walls. Heck, my brother's girlfriend was checking it out but my brother quickly informed her that there was NO WAY he was going to live THERE! I'm sure he doesn't need the nightmares either.
Still, I kind of miss it. It was my first real apartment alone and I kind of enjoyed having my own place without anyone to rearrange my stuff without asking me. I don't think I ever really got much of a chance to really live on my own. I had a year, barely, but that was about it. Otherwise, I lived with my parents, with John, or in the dorms. Sometimes I have my regrets about that but I know too that the loneliness would have gotten to me eventually. And I enjoy my life with my little family now that things have calmed down and stabilized a little. It just would be nice once in a while to have a place of my own; I don't really get that here. Natalie has her own room but John and I share the master bedroom and with both of us owning a good bit of stuff, it's a pretty tight space. It would be nice to get a three bedroom apartment/house someday and have a room just for me. Maybe that's selfish, especially considering John is barely home these days but sometimes, it's nice to have a little space to do some of the things I'd like to do in peace. As it is, I don't even have any space to do any jewelry projects or work on my scrapbook other than the kitchen table. That makes for a lot of taking out and putting away and it would just be nice to have an area where I can leave stuff out and then come back to it later. That may be an impossible dream though with a toddler around.
On an ironic note, 1311 is now for rent for the first time in four years. It was pretty interesting that my lease not only ended just two days after the murder but also the house itself had just been sold. I believe the upstairs went to a sister of the house owner who took the downstairs and I'm thinking that perhaps she moved on to something larger and perhaps not as haunted as 1311 (not to mention a place that hasn't infamously been on the news so many times). To be honest, before the whole ordeal occurred, I recalled trying to figure out a way for both my future husband and I to fit into this tiny two bedroom (though technically one bedroom because it was too cold in the winter and too hot in the summer to actually sleep in comfortably and even with an air duct in it, it WAS still a porch!) apartment because I did like it. It had a certain cozy charm and I LOVED the neighbors; the wife was just a dear to me while I lived there and I felt so bad that this happened to what she very much considered her home too. Now, you couldn't pay me a million dollars to buy the place. It's too bad that bad things happen to nice homes and I wonder if there will be trouble renting the place because of what happened. I imagine that a college student will end up in there, one that's not from around La Crosse and thus never heard about the vicious crime that occurred within its walls. Heck, my brother's girlfriend was checking it out but my brother quickly informed her that there was NO WAY he was going to live THERE! I'm sure he doesn't need the nightmares either.
Still, I kind of miss it. It was my first real apartment alone and I kind of enjoyed having my own place without anyone to rearrange my stuff without asking me. I don't think I ever really got much of a chance to really live on my own. I had a year, barely, but that was about it. Otherwise, I lived with my parents, with John, or in the dorms. Sometimes I have my regrets about that but I know too that the loneliness would have gotten to me eventually. And I enjoy my life with my little family now that things have calmed down and stabilized a little. It just would be nice once in a while to have a place of my own; I don't really get that here. Natalie has her own room but John and I share the master bedroom and with both of us owning a good bit of stuff, it's a pretty tight space. It would be nice to get a three bedroom apartment/house someday and have a room just for me. Maybe that's selfish, especially considering John is barely home these days but sometimes, it's nice to have a little space to do some of the things I'd like to do in peace. As it is, I don't even have any space to do any jewelry projects or work on my scrapbook other than the kitchen table. That makes for a lot of taking out and putting away and it would just be nice to have an area where I can leave stuff out and then come back to it later. That may be an impossible dream though with a toddler around.
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