I can't do it anymore.

I never went into a marriage planning to leave it. When I married my husband, it felt right. It added security to our relationship. We were friends and lovers and now partners for life. We married eight years ago today. The pictures of us at our wedding show a couple in love. I looked happy, my husband looked at me with love. We were the picture of a couple very much in love.

Eight years and two children later, I'm done. I'm miserable. I'm lonely. My husband hasn't look at me the way he looked at me in those pictures in years. I don't feel needed by him. He gets his emotional needs met through his church and through our five year old daughter. We have slept in the same bed maybe a few times in the last year. Otherwise, we sleep in separate beds, in separate rooms. Sex has gotten less and less and when it happens, it's because I not only initiate it but practically beg and harass him for it.

This, along with other issues, has finally led me to decide I can't do this anymore. As much as being alone would suck, I would at least have the ability to make choices for my life. I would be able to celebrate Christmas. I would be able to pursue my own religious beliefs. I can own Harry Potter and watch the movies. It's sad but I find more positives in being on my own (even if I didn't get custody of the girls) than I do in continuing to be married.

I'm sad though. I'm broken hearted and once again, I wonder what's wrong with me. It just seems like many of the people in my life either don't seem to really love me at all or stop loving me.